Lesbian Online Dating Requires Tough Love

March 3, 2013
Lesbian Online Dating Requires Tough Love

No, I’m not kidding. I know you are saying to yourself, “Online dating is tough.” Well, that’s why you need to tackle it with tough love.

Tough love is what you have to give yourself. You’ve got to keep yourself motivated and stay in the game.

Too often you get into a pity party about what’s not happening with online dating and you quit.

It’s really hard to make online dating work when you are constantly quitting.

Let’s do some math.

In your lifetime, how many times have you fallen in love? If you’re like most lesbians, you’ll tell me you’ve only really been in love a couple of times in your life.

Yes, I mean that “really in love” state, not the one where you love her but you’re not IN LOVE with her.

If you’re in your 30s, that’s one love for every 15 years of your life. If you’re in your 40s, then it’s one love for every 20 years of your life.

And you’re mad, bored, upset or disappointed because you’ve been online dating for three months and nothing has happened yet. Can you say, “Dah”?

The fact you are looking for love doesn’t mean it’s just showing up on your doorstep.

The fact you’ve joined an online dating site doesn’t mean tomorrow or next week love with magically show up.

Yes, that does happen once in a while, but most of you will have to get committed to the process of online dating for the long term until you find a great match.


“The results are worth

the wait and the effort.”

Here’s another great fact.

In the last two years, 61 percent of lesbians said they had met their partner online.

Am I making myself clear here?

Tough love means you get yourself in the game and you don’t quit until you win at the game of love. It’s that simple.

You stop whining. You stop quitting. You stop dating lesbians that have nothing in common with you.

You start honoring the process. You start showing up consistently on the dating sites you are using.

You keep your profile updated. You have great pictures of you smiling. You pay to have great pictures taken if you don’t have any.

And you take action. Send out at least 10 messages a week. That will generally get you three replies and a date. That’s what it takes and you’ll have to do it over and over.

But the results are worth the wait and the effort. You really will meet someone amazing and wonderful if you just don’t quit playing the game.

What’s working for you with online dating? Are you using your own tough love strategy? Join our conversation and leave a response below.

Photo source: rakuten.com.

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships. Connect with Mary on Google+.

Related Topics:
Lesbian Online Match

4 Responses

    Mary you’re right on! I think that desperate feeling happens later on though. When too many failed offline dates become so repetitive. Online dating isn’t perfect and everybody has such high expectations that once they don’t meet anyone within those 3 months, they give up without looking at the situation from a different point of view.

    ” 61 percent of lesbians said they had met their partner online.” That’s crazy! You know I don’t think I’d ever pay to get professional pictures but I’ve noticed taking pictures in the outdoors is a lot nicer to look at. A basic digital camera has been helpful. Is that still ok? Or does a professional picture show you’re a “quality” girl?

    I got professional pictures taken for online dating, and I think it’s worth the cost. Especially if you are using an online dating site that’s charging you. I think putting your best foot forward is important, and if you’re serious about it, why not. And I’ve used the professional photos for other things too, so they are nice to have.

      C. Price
      Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

      That’s wonderful to hear Jill!
      I also agree a crisp photo will make the difference. No need for professional hair and makeup, but instead, a nice and clear image of your natural beauty will help potential matches get a better idea of what you look like versus a dark and pixelated webcam shot.

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