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|Joshua Pompey • 12/04/17|
Having online dating fears may sound like somewhat of a natural contradiction. One would think being able to message others in complete anonymity without the chance of face-to-face rejection would remove most of the fear.
The reality is online dating can be very scary for a lot of people, and if you fall into this category, you’re far from alone.
Online dating doesn’t have to be this way. If you learn to tweak your mindset a little, you can indulge in the benefits that online dating has been providing to single men and women all over the world on a daily basis.
You aren’t, so don’t even question this notion for a split second. Online dating has gone completely mainstream over the past decade, and you’re no exception.
Online dating may not be how you originally dreamed that you would meet your significant other, but you probably didn’t also dream up the internet and a million other aspects of society that have drastically changed.
The world has evolved and, because of that evolution, so has online dating, which now has more than its fair share of quality singles logging on each and every day. There is absolutely nothing abnormal or desperate about it.
I remember eight years ago a friend of mine met his future wife online and pretended he met her at the gym. These days, that lie feels utterly absurd and unnecessary.
If anyone makes you feel like you’re inadequate for trying to meet someone online, that person is just a deterrent to your overall happiness and progress in life. Cut them out of the relationship aspect of your life immediately in regards to seeking their advice. If they judge you, screw ’em!
Try to remember many of the people who judge others aren’t exactly happy in their own relationships. And just think of how they’ll feel when they see you walking arm and arm with the perfect match.
Scenario: You send out a message. Your target receives a notification appearing on their phone or computer. Within a few seconds, that person will decide whether or not to respond. They end up deciding not to.
So what? Life goes on, and you move on to the next person. The best part about online dating is the endless number of profiles you can engage with.
Reaching out shouldn’t be scary, nor should you feel bad about yourself if you don’t receive a response. There are a million reasons people don’t respond, oftentimes having nothing to do with you at all.
Maybe they were busy at the moment. Maybe they’re taking a break from online dating. Maybe they think you’re great but just not for them. You’re here to meet people, and that’s what you need to focus on. Just put yourself out there and see what happens.
There’s always the age-old debate as to whether a girl should make the first move or not. Whether you believe in this principle or not, one cannot deny that times are changing, and we’re always moving forward.
Ladies, it’s OK to message first. In fact, it’s highly encouraged. A guy isn’t going to think you’re too pushy or aggressive just because you took the initiative.
Starting up a conversation will bring you to the forefront, make you appear confident, and will let him know that you are out there. Most guys are happy and feel flattered when women take the initiative. It takes the burden off them to start a conversation and feels good to be noticed.
A lot of people think everything they say, especially the opening line, has to be insanely funny, charming, and memorable. Sure, you want to stand out from the competition. Don’t just say “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hi,” and don’t be boring.
But you also don’t need to stress for 15 minutes about what to write. An email should never take longer than a couple minutes at most to craft. Just focus on being a good conversationalist. The idea is to make the other person interested in talking to you.
Here’s a little tip. Everybody’s favorite topic is themselves. If you spot something in the profile that he or she is truly passionate about, focus on that. If you can also be a little playful, even better.
The opening email is just the ice breaker. As long as your profile is set up well, you’ll be just fine.
Another tip would be to try to talk to people everywhere you go. This will help you a lot in the online world when it counts, and who knows, you may just meet someone in real life as you’re honing your conversation skills.
I get it. You want to date, fall in love, or get married, settle down, and have kids with somebody. Though that’s pretty normal — many people ironically overwhelm themselves from the start due to these goals and desires.
As with most relationships in any form, it starts with friendship. You’re there to make a friend first and foremost. Whatever happens next will happen naturally if it’s meant to be.
So just relax. Stop overthinking your potential dates, and treat your prospect like an equal.
If you’re on dates and find yourself acting overly nice, or feeling insane amounts of pressure to be the perfect date, you need to relax a little bit. Confidence in yourself is key. The more you relax, the better the date will go, and the more smoothly things will run.
The same principle applies to emailing. Don’t overthink things or be overly nice and complimentary with your attempts to make someone like you. On the flip side, don’t purposely act like you’re some badass or diva or whatever personality.
If you act like yourself and you’re a worthwhile person, that should be apparent through your writing or your face-to-face encounters.
Got rejected in your first five emails? Went on a date from hell? Blew it with what felt like the perfect partner? Guess what, there will always be a tomorrow. That is truly the best part about online dating.
As someone who is an expert in the medium and has helped others for close to a decade, I dated online for two years before finding my future wife. Sometimes it takes time and patience before running into someone who you share chemistry with.
But I’ll tell you what — if I had been consumed with online dating fears, I’d still be single to this day and would have missed out on all the incredible life memories I’ve been enjoying for years.
Joshua Pompey has been helping online daters find success since 2009. To learn more about how Joshua’s professional online dating profile writers can help you, along with receiving free profile evaluations, women can visit this page, and men can learn more here.