She Said We Can’t Go Out Again. Should I Forget Her?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 10/09/15

Reader Question:

I met a woman on Match.com and had a date with her that went great. I asked her if she was interested in another date and she said definitely. At the end of the date, she even initiated a kiss.

The next evening I sent her a text telling her I was looking forward to the next date. She text me back saying she felt a spark between us but admitted she had been dating a guy for some time. He was upset she was still dating, so she said we won’t be going out again.

I told her how sad I was to hear that but I respected her decision.

Would it be a bad thing to text her in a couple of weeks to let her know I am still interested, or should I just try to forget about her?

-John (Ohio)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Hey John,

It’s always a bummer when you meet someone you have a spark with and you get thwarted in pursuing it further, for whatever reason.

There are a couple of things we can derive from your situation:

  1. This girl liked you. That’s great news.
  2. She and her guy took a while to become exclusive. There could be multiple reasons behind this, but it doesn’t look great that she continued going out on dates and finding guys she hit it off with (you).

I don’t know about you but whenever I’m really sprung on someone, it’s hard to go out and get sprung on someone new. If it was a maneuver to make her guy jealous and want to commit, it worked.

Or it could mean their connection isn’t that great. Or it means she loves attention.

So here’s the thing: All of this lends itself to the idea that whatever they have, it isn’t rock solid yet.

Now, I’m not saying go and try to break them up. But does it hurt to send a follow-up in a few weeks to test the waters and see if anything has changed? It doesn’t hurt a bit, so make a soft move.

If it’s a no-go, be prepared to move on after that. You don’t need to escalate into stalker status.


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