Why Women Should Send the First Email

Online Dating

Why Women Should Send the First Email

Julie Spira Julie Spira • 9/25/14

Most women take a passive approach to online dating. Often we think about the old dating rules, which clearly state men should be the ones to pursue women.

With digital dating, the old rules are obsolete. I am telling you to toss away your feminine ego and dating rules of the past if you truly want to get more dates and meet the man you could possibly fall in love with.

Sure, male biology is accurate and men do love the chase, so I am not telling you to keep chasing him after you send an initial email.

You must shift the digital dating process and allow him to pursue you after initial contact. Without the initial contact, how could he know you might be interested in him?

Why do I believe a woman can and should send the first email while still allowing a man to be the man and pursue her?

Here are seven facts that support why women should ditch the passive behavior online.

Fact 1:

Online dating is a numbers game.

The men I coach and speak with are burnt out from online dating. They do not want a long process and they get disillusioned with the time it takes to get a response from a woman.

Fact 2:

Men often have to write 50 emails to get perhaps two responses. If they want their emails to be responded to, they must make them personalized.

The guys have to read through 50 long-winded profiles of women whose profile photos they are attracted to.

Fact 3:

Ask any man if he would be flattered if an attractive woman wrote to him first, and he will tell you he would be thrilled.

The male ego likes to know a woman can be attracted to him. The male ego also does not want to be rejected by sending hundreds of outbound emails to women each week. It can become demoralizing.

“Keep it short, simple and flirty.

Always ask a question.”

Fact 4:

Women get bombarded with emails from men, so even a great guy can get lost in your inbox.

Fact 5:

When a man receives an email from a woman, even if he is not interested, often he will write back to her just to thank her for doing so. It is a breath of fresh air for them.

Fact 6:

When a woman sends an email to a man, it shows she is confident enough in herself to be proactive about her love life.

Men love a confident woman. It is unbelievably sexy to them.

Fact 7:

Men also secretly wish a woman would write a real email to them instead of sending a wink or flirt, which they view as passive aggressive.

So ladies, I challenge you to find five men this week who might have shown up in a search on Match or have a high percentage rank on OkCupid. Send a short and sweet email to the guy.

Not sure what to say? Try this:

If you are on OkCupid and you have a 95 percent match rating, send an email saying, “Hmm, 95 percent is quite high don’t you think? Do you think the computer algorithms could be accurate?”

Keep it short, simple and flirty. Always ask a question.

It is hard for a man not to answer a question. Whether you are a match or not, you are taking control over your dating life and may have the opportunity to meet the man of your dreams.

I have a saying when it comes to online dating, “Don’t wait. Initiate.” Is it worth sending an email or two? I think so.

Photo source: eventup.com.