Should I Get Back Together with My Girlfriend?

Mary Gorham Malia Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

Should I get back together with my girlfriend?

My girlfriend emailed me saying she liked someone other than me and broke it off. I found out she ended up asking this other person out and getting rejected.

She texted me saying wanted to get back again, even though it hadn’t been more than two hours. I was pretty mad at her and told her I would talk to her at school.

I wouldn’t mind being just friends and maybe giving her a chance to redeem herself.  I’ve known her for three years and we’ve been dating for six months.

-Angie

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Angie,

You must be confused and hurt by your “girlfriend’s” behavior. What I see happening is she’s confused and perhaps ambivalent about being in a relationship with you.

There’s a term I use to describe a certain kind of relationship. I call it a BTN (better than nothing) relationship, and no one wants to be the better than nothing relationship. I’m not sure if that’s what you are to your girlfriend, but it’s worth thinking about.

I’d also suggest you ask yourself a couple of questions:

1. Do you feel you can trust her not to do this again?

2. What’s changed in her feelings for you that she’s ready to come back and be committed? Is it only because this other woman said no?

My advice is to take your time and let her prove herself to you by her behavior, not just her words. Trust your own heart because it won’t lead you astray.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.