He Says He Doesn’t Deserve Me. What is He Trying to Say?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

There is this guy I had been seeing for quite a while (eight months). Sometimes he says things like “You deserve someone better.” He doesn’t feel like he is worth it to be with me. And then the next day he will say things like “I miss you.” I am getting mixed signals. He is in the Marines, so we usually talk on MSN only.

What is he trying to say here?

-Chris Chong

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Chris:

Pay attention! This dude is telling you he doesn’t feel worthy. Someone who doesn’t love themselves will have a hard time loving someone else. The fact he “misses you” is an indication he is attached, but being attached and able to be a good boyfriend are two different things.

The thing that bothers me the most is you only talk digitally instead of having plenty of intimacy-building face and talk time. Unless he’s deployed far away, there’s no excuse for not picking up the phone.

He’s not sending you mixed signals. He’s sending you a clear signal he is not into building a healthy relationship with you at this time.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.