I Can’t Get Her Out of My Mind. Is It Wrong to Be a Hopeless Romantic?

Mary Gorham Malia Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I recently met a woman who has been married for 34 years. We became really good friends, but she said some things that made me think she was a lesbian. I wasn’t even thinking about anything lesbian in my life until I got hooked on her.

When I confronted her that I was in love with her, she denied everything. I know she was in love with me also, but I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.

Is it wrong to be a hopeless romantic and believe in fairy tales coming true?

-Crissy (Florida)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Crissy,

As someone who also came out later in life, when we fall in love for the first time, it’s a powerful experience with powerful emotions.

It’s impossible to really know what your friend was thinking or feeling.

So what can you do? Focus on what you have control of – yourself and your mind. Start paying attention to what your mind is doing.

When it starts to think about your friend, make yourself stop and redirect your attention to something else that requires physical effort. Go jogging, take a walk, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn.

By changing what you are doing with your body, you’ll find it easier to move your mind off the friend and into your present.

It’s wonderful to be a romantic, but no one should be hopeless! I believe there is more than one person out there who you can find and fall in love with if you just don’t stop looking.

Great loves are found every day, Chrissy, so stop looking back at someone who doesn’t want you. Step forward into this new life you’ve got and enjoy it.


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