I Have New Desires for Women. How Do I Go About This?

Brian Rzepczynski Brian Rzepczynski • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I’ve lived as a gay man since I was 18 (I’m now 27), but I’ve had some new desires resurface the past year for the opposite sex. I’m in a loving relationship with a man who is bisexual and is very supportive of this new side of me.

He is allowing me and even encouraging me to pursue it and have at least one experience.

How do I go about this? I have not had many women in my life and never was the type of gay man to have lots of female friends.

What do I tell any potential women about myself, and how do I even look for potential dates?

-Owen (California)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Hi, Owen!

Sexuality is fluid, so it’s not all that uncommon for you to be experiencing desires for women.

It’s great that you’ve communicated with your partner about what you’re feeling and that he’s supportive of your exploring this part of your sexuality. You appear to have an open and honest relationship. Kudos!

Meeting women should be made easier since the ratio of straight/bi women to gay men is significantly higher. Of course, there’s personal ads, but you can fraternize and flirt with women in any number of settings.

I’d recommend pursuing activities and hobbies you enjoy, as these act as natural segues for easier conversation with other women in attendance due to the shared commonalities.

Whether you tell women about your being gay and in a relationship with a man is a values-based decision you’ll need to make on your own. The important thing is you’re upfront and honest with the women about your intentions so everyone is on the same page.

If you’re only looking for casual sex, be straightforward so everyone knows what the score is, and be sure to practice safe sex.

Be mindful that dating could create emotional investments that might potentially cause problems in your relationship with your current partner, and you’ll want to keep him appraised and involved in your journey of discovery.

Best wishes!

Dr. Brian


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