I’m in a Relationship with a Married Man. What Do I Do?

Brian Rzepczynski Brian Rzepczynski • 10/09/15

Reader Question:

I am in a relationship with a man who is married. He dosen’t kiss me or screw me like I want him to, but he doesn’t for fear of what I don’t know.

He says he is not gay. He says his marriage may be without sex but claims he is solid with his wife and won’t ever leave her. He says he loves her in so many other ways.

He likes to be submissive and wants me to overpower him, but he isn’t willing to do any of the foreplay with another man yet. We have always been very good friends and I think he needs time.

What should I do? How should I handle this situation?

-Dean (Nebraska)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Dear Dean,

It definitely sounds like your friend is going through a lot, and the important thing to remember is we can’t force someone to do something they’re not comfortable with.

He’s not available to you in the ways you seem to want him to be, which leads you to a bit of a crossroads with some decisions you have to make for yourself.

If you choose to stay with him, all the while recognizing the inherent risks of being with someone married, you will have to accept that your true needs and desires will likely not be fulfilled to the extent that you wish, or at least only at the pace your friend is in control of and sets.

Alternatively, seeking another more available partner whose compatibility with your sexual preferences is more evenly matched is another option that gives you more possibility and equality in the relationship.

You will ultimately need to clarify your values and wants and let that guide the choices you make.

I wish you all the best!

Dr. Brian

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