Reader Question:
I’ve been dating a girl for a while, but she has a lot of problems with depression and hasn’t wanted to see anyone for a while. She says she still wants to see me but that she’s having a hard time at the moment. I’m trying to be patient with her, but I’m starting to find it hard and really don’t know what to do.
I really like this girl and don’t want to give up. I’m pretty sure she is genuinely having hard time and not messing me around.
-Sarah (United Kingdom)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
The biggest question I have for you Sarah is this. Has your girlfriend come out about her sexuality, and if so, is her environment supportive? If so, then this is how she may deal with her depression. But it’s not the best way.
Reaching out for help from those around us is a better way to alleviate depression. If I were you, I’d offer your unconditional, nonjudgmental ear, but at the same time, gently tell her you have needs in this friendship, too. Ask her what she can do to nurture the relationship so you both can feel better.
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Wait, you’re going to tell your depressed girlfriend that you need things from her? That doesn’t seem right to me. Offering an open, non-judgmental ear to her is the best thing you can do other than suggesting professional help. Listening is the best way if you don’t want to give up. If you want to be a jerk, tell her you’re not getting what you need out of her.
I’m not sure you should really ask too much. Give her some space