I Want to Talk with My Neighbor. What Should I Do?

Mary Gorham Malia Mary Gorham Malia • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I am a bisexual woman. I have only been with men, but I am sexually attracted to women. I know this woman who lives in my neighborhood. Every time I see her somewhere, she looks at me but never says anything.

She got married to a man last year. I’ve heard rumors she was a lesbian, but I’m not sure since she is married now. She is very attractive and I would like to at least be able to hold a conversation with her, but she acts so weird toward me.

What do you think I should do?

-O’Miiko (Mississippi)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

One important lesson I’ve learned in life is to stop making judgements about people I don’t know. You say you’ve never even spoken to her but you see her in the neighborhood all the time.

Be the brave one and say hello the next time you see her. You could even say, “Hi, I want to introduce myself. I’m O’Miiko and I’ve seen you so often that I’m wondering if you live around here?” or something like that.

You may be totally surprised when she looks at you, smiles and tells you her name. Often we project onto others our own fear and anxiety. We are afraid or nervous and don’t realize we are judging someone based on our thinking they won’t like us.

I find the friendlier I’ve become and the more I reach out to say hello to others, the friendlier the world has become. Look past what you think is her being cold toward you and act toward her as you’d like to be treated.

And rumors are rumors and should just be ignored. Get to know her firsthand.

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