11 Tested Tips: How to Start a Conversation With a Girl (Online)

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11 Tested Tips: How to Start a Conversation With a Girl (Online)

Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews • 10/28/15

42% of female online daters have been contacted by someone in a way that made them feel uncomfortable, and if you ask us, that’s one too many.


Looking for a site to start that conversation on? We’ve found 10 great dating sites that make talking with girls really easy.


If you want to avoid being Creepy McCreeperson, here are 11 good ways (tested by science!) to start a conversation with a girl online.

11. Keep Your Subject Line and Message Short

Example message of keeping it short

The subject line of your email or message is probably the most important part of starting a conversation with a girl online. If this doesn’t peak her interest, she most likely won’t read any further.

A study by Sidekick says the perfect subject line is unique to the recipient and contains 30 characters or less, just to name a few suggestions.

Same goes for the entire message in general — keep it short! OkCupid says 200 characters is the ideal length.

10. “Hi”, “Hey”, or “Hello”: The Kiss of Death

If you want to be the most boring, unoriginal person who has ever reached out to this woman, then simply say “Hi, how are you?” While it may seem like a polite thing to ask, she isn’t the pizza delivery guy — she’s someone you have romantic feelings for.

OkCupid did some great research and found something as simple as “What’s up?” can be a better option.

9. “Ur”, “Luv”, “Wat”: Forget Netspeak

We’re all busy people with busy schedules, which means phone calls are almost becoming obsolete and we use fewer and fewer words to get our point across.Example message of avoiding netspeak

However, that doesn’t mean what works for colleagues or siblings is what works in dating.

Listen to Okcupid — the way you text a friend should not be the way you text or message a woman you’re interested in.

“Ur realy hot. R U free Fri?” won’t work! The only exceptions to this rule are “haha” and “lol”.

And remember, proper punctuation is sexy and shows her that you’re at least somewhat literate.

8. Reference the Movie “Frozen”

Yes, we said “Frozen”, the Disney movie that swept the world off its feet.

Match.com‘s 2014 Year in Review report revealed that 5,500+ users said “Frozen” was their favorite movie that year, by far beating out hundreds of other titles.

7. Catch Her Off Guard With a Joke

Example message of catching her off guard with a joke

This is the hardest one to pull off, but it can work if you do it right. According to The Date Report, if you make a woman laugh, most of the hard work is done for you.

Arouse her curiosity by starting a joke and not finishing the punchline. She’ll be prompted to do it for you, or she’ll just be confused as hell and come back with “What?” which is always better than complete silence.

6. Mention Something Specific From Her Profile

We’ve all heard it before, but I’ll say it again: if you send the same message to every girl, you won’t get a response. Period.

To avoid doing this, look over her profile, find something that makes her stand out, and bring that up in your message.

That same OkCupid study discovered that “favorite movies”, “vegetarian”, and even “zombie” are some of the most effective words to use, and the best phrases to use with these words are “you mention”, “good taste”, and “noticed that”.

5. Mirror Her Personality

Studies shows that people like people who are similar to them.Example of mirroring her personality

Use what you’ve learned from her profile to determine what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.

If she’s funny, use a funny opener. If she’s straightforward, just be straightforward. If she’s philosophical, try your best to be philosophical as well. If she’s a nerdy hipster, you could give the example to the right a shot. You get the idea.

4. Compliment Her (But Not Her Appearance)

Women like being complimented when it’s done correctly, so don’t go for the obvious “you’re hot/sexy/cute/beautiful/gorgeous”. Instead, OkCupid recommends using general complimentary words like “cool”, “awesome”, or “fascinating”.

3. Talk About Your Common Interests

Example of talking about common interests

According to OkCupid, if you have something in common with a girl you’re interested and don’t bring that up when you reach out to her online, then you’ve wasted a huge opportunity.

Talking about similar interests can prompt a quick response from her as well as get her to let her guard down and be more trusting of your intentions, especially if it’s something not a lot of people have an interest in.

2. Ask a Question

A call to action is the best thing you can do to get a response from a girl online. If fact, an article on the Soulmates blog said your chances will increase tenfold.

If you don’t end on a question, or ask at least one question during your entire message, why would she take the energy to reply? Statements don’t evoke conversation.

1. Be Self-Deprecating and Honest

OkCupid strikes again. Their research shows men who use words like “sorry”, “apologize”, and “awkward” in their messages have more success.Example self-deprecating message

If you aren’t a wordsmith or Will Ferrell, just say so instead of trying to force it. It shows that you’re humble.

While it’s hard to guarantee that all of these tips will work 100% of the time, they’re definitely a good place to start.

You also might want to read our article on successful dating profile headlines, which can encourage women to reach out to you first!