Hold on…not so fast!

While I know this may seem like the perfect opportunity for you, it’s not!

No matter who broke up with who, breaking up is hard on both people involved.

It’s the end of a relationship where they had a real connection and commitment to each other, so it’s a real loss for both parties.

The worst thing she can do is date right away.

If she does, all she will be doing is trying to distract herself from what she’s truly feeling, which is sadness and a sense of loss.

If you date her too soon, you could end up being the “rebound guy.” This could lead to a short-term relationship instead of a long-term relationship, which is what you ultimately want.

Now you’re probably wondering, “Well how long should I wait? Should I wait a month or three months to six months?”

“It’s important to connect to

her on an emotional level.”

There isn’t a standard right answer.

It’s really based on when it seems like she’s healed and isn’t still thinking about her ex all the time.

Once she shows signs she’s ready to move on, then it’s time to make your move and ask her out.

When you do, it’s important for you to be confident and just tell her you want to surprise her on Saturday night and take her out.

Women like men who are confident, decisive and take the lead.

Now here’s the key: Do not take her out for the run-of-the-mill dinner or drinks date. Why? Because any guy can do that!

You want to set yourself apart from the rest of the guys, especially her ex. So surprise her and take her out to something she had mentioned in the past that she truly loves.

Trust me, you’ll win big points for remembering something she told you about herself a long time ago.

Show her a really great time.

It’s important to connect to her on an emotional level because that’s how women fall in love.

Be confident and use your sense of humor to make her laugh. Share things about yourself she may not know and get to know her in a more personal way.

And, of course, don’t forget to be a total gentleman on the date so it makes her look at you in a completely different light than she did before.

Trust me, if you do all the right things on your first date, she’ll have such a great time that she won’t even remember the name of her ex.

Fellas, how do you go about dating a woman who just got out of a serious relationship? Do you wait, or do you jump right in?

Photo source: ehowcdn.com.

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a while now. Recently I met someone. It’s only been a couple of days of texting and talking on the phone, but we’ve both said we have a really good feeling about us.

We’re trying to set up a first date. Unfortunately, our schedules this week are off. I’m wondering if it’s OK to invite her out with my friends.

What are the negatives of this approach other than we won’t get to talk as much one on one?

-J. (Pennsylvania)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear J.,

First off, exchanging a few texts and phone calls shouldn’t make your hopes soar. At the beginning of an online interaction, everyone is on their best behavior and saying everything they can to make the person like them.

My suggestion is always to do a quick “drive by date,” say a coffee somewhere. If you like what you see, then the second meeting should really be the first date.

And to meet with friends is an excellent idea. Have her bring a friend, too. Take the pressure off. You really don’t know if you are truly interested yet.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

However, your energy is dropping and you want to do something to get you pumped up for the night. What do you?

Don’t use alcohol. It’s a crutch that should be left in the refrigerator, or better yet, the trash.

Instead, try these three methods…

1. Blast your stereo while taking a shower.

It doesn’t matter if your high energy music is rap or country. Blast it everywhere prior to leaving your house.

We at Simple Pickup play our high volume music while we’re scrubbing ourselves in the shower, dressing up and even while we’re packing up snacks for the night.

You want your body to be energized when you head out the door.

“It’ll give you the confidence to

be able to talk to any hot girl.”

2. Create a mix CD to play on the way there.

You want this musical mix to be playing in the car as you ride to your destination. Let the melodies echo inside and outside of your car.

The music is there to pump you up. Please, drive safely.

3. Start talking to anyone and everyone on the street.

When you get out of your car, you shouldn’t just be approaching women. You should approach everyone and anyone right away.

We don’t care if it’s an old lady or the 7-11 cashier. Just approach them and start a quick conversation.

It will pump you up because it’ll give you the confidence and the preparation to be able to talk to any hot girl you run into later on in the night.

From now on when you go out, try these three tips.

It’s time you stay awake because hot girls love a guy who is energetically fun!

How do you get pumped up before going out to meet women?

Photo source: thebeatproject.wordpress.com.

Do you even know what your eye contact is like? Are you aware the eyes are the way to turn a woman on?

Do you also realize the more powerful your eye contact is, the more quickly you’ll turn her on?

Most guys suck at eye contact.

When most guys approach a woman for the very first time, they go there thinking about what to say instead of just being in the moment.

When you’re thinking about what to say, immediately you get confused and nervous. Your eye contact will show that.

When a guy’s eyes wander, it makes her feel nervous. She’ll start to wonder what’s wrong. She’ll start to feel things.

A powerful, strong man will not wander with his eyes. He will not be looking all over the place.

He will directly look at a woman in her eyes, say what he has to say and continue to hold her gaze as she answers, listening not only with his ears to know what to say next, but listening with his eyes to show he is a strong, powerful, bold, confident man.

See, women are feelers. They feel things when you approach them.

They want to feel secure and safe, and they want to feel they’re in the presence of a confident, bold man.

“If a woman can trust you the second she meets

you, then she’ll trust you with her number.”

Imagine this:

You go to a car dealership and talk to a car dealer, but his eyes are all over the place, wandering.

Would you trust him to sell you a good car?

You may not be consciously thinking about this, but subconsciously you’re going to feel very uncomfortable with him.

Now imagine sitting down across from somebody you’re about to cut a major business deal with.

But for some reason, every time this guy starts talking about what he’s going to offer, his eyes become shifty and he refuses to make eye contact with you.

How good would you feel after leaving the meeting? Would you feel like you’re making the right decision?

Trust is the number one thing that needs to exist for any successful relationship — friendship, friends with benefits, business, dating, whatever.

If a woman can trust you from the second she meets you, then she’ll trust you with her phone number.

She’ll trust you’ll actually call her, and she’ll trust you’ll actually follow through and take her out on a date.

And you can create that trust with powerful eye contact.

So how do you get better at it?

Very easy: look in the mirror, stare at your eyes, practice on a friend — make eye contact with everyone you meet!

I’ve found a man’s issues with eye contact come from some other insecurity.

So what other issues are you experiencing? What are your thoughts and what are your fears right now?

If everybody comments on this article today, you’ll see a lot of the fears and excuses will be the exact same.

There are not that many different fears and excuses when it comes down to meeting women, but every single fear and excuse leads to poor eye contact.

So share with me today all your fears and excuses, and let’s get this issue taken care of.

Photo source: weebly.com.

First, let’s get a picture in your head of the opportunity:

You are in your favorite coffee shop getting your morning half-caf, half-skim latte. Behind the counter is a new employee and she’s taking your breath away. Wow!

She has all the telltale signs she’s lesbian. After your immediate reaction to her, your next thought is, “How do I ask her out?”

Step 1.

Simply say hello, make eye contact, introduce yourself, ask her name, make small talk and be friendly!

Like this: “Hi, my name is Mary. I haven’t seen you behind the counter before. You must be new?”

Then let her answer. Don’t hold your breath, and listen to be sure and get her name. Yes, she probably has a name tag on, but your showing interest in listening to her is important.

She responds, “Hi, I’m Carolyn. Yes, I’m new here. Nice to meet you, too. So far it’s a great place to work.”

So she replied back she’s new to the business and you say something pleasant like, “Well, it’s wonderful to meet you. Are you new to the area also?

Again, it’s a simple question. It’s not threatening and you sound interested in her. Every gay girl likes that.

Your goal is to leave a good impression.

“The most important rule is to not be

attached to the outcome. She could say yes or no.”

Step 2.

This is when you return to the coffee shop in a day or two. There she is behind the counter.

You are now on a first-name basis with her, so start with the usual small talk and go for that important, specific information — is she single?

Perhaps you’ve learned she’s new to the area, so ask if she’s moved here with her partner.

She let’s you know she’s single and moved to the area by herself. Perfect, right?

Perhaps you mention a couple of great places to visit in the city. Then you depart having left another positive impression along with learning the important information that she is single.

Step 3.

This is when you return again in a day or two. Now you are going to feel like old friends.

Talk a bit further about the tidbits she has shared, and toward the end of your transaction, say:

“I really enjoy talking with you and it seems we have some things in common. I’ve lived here for a long time and know the city well. Would you be interested in a short tour of the city some afternoon or maybe just grabbing a cup of coffee sometime?”

There, you’ve done it. You’ve asked her out.

Here’s the deal:

By showing up repeatedly at the coffee shop (bank, store, bar, restaurant, etc.), you’ve created a sense of familiarity and safety. She’s glad to see you.

And how notice the way you ask her out is important. You want to give her the ability to decline gracefully and not feel pushed into a corner.

You are making a clear statement about you and then asking about her interest and availability.

The most important dating rule you can follow for yourself in this interaction is to not be attached to the outcome. She could say yes or no.

If you’re more shy than outgoing, perhaps you repeat Step 2 a number of times until you feel more comfortable and get to know more about her.

Have you ever tried this approach? If you did, what were the results?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

If you want good results, you also need to do it in a particular way. Your mindset and your behavior have to be in the right place.

Most guys fail miserably when they approach women because they make three big mistakes. I’d like to show you what these mistakes are so you can avoid them.

1. Believing they need to do something special.

When a guy sees a girl he’s interested in and he considers talking to her, he thinks he must do something out of the ordinary when approaching her.

So he tries to come up with something very clever or funny or interesting to say or do when approaching her.

The problem is, in trying to be unique, he will typically come off as cheesy and trying too hard.

He will seem like a clown or desperate rather than a confident, socially adjusted guy.

The truth is you don’t need to do something special when you walk up to a girl and talk to her. Just be normal. Say hi, smile, introduce yourself, ask her name and make your way into a normal conversation.

Don’t fall into the trap of believing you have to sweep her off her feet from the get-go. You have plenty of time to impress her as the conversation moves forward.

For starters, your task is to be casual, friendly and not freak her out.

“Spontaneity is your

ally in social settings.”

2. Waiting too much before approaching.

The more you wait to approach a woman, the more anxiety will build up in your body.

Your mind will start to come up with all these ways your approach may go wrong, and you’ll swiftly begin to second guess yourself.

You’ll either scare yourself so much you won’t make the approach in the first place, or if you make it, you’ll do it in a very clumsy way due to your nervousness.

This is why I advise you to approach women fast. The moment you see a girl you like and you know you want to talk to her, go directly to her and start a conversation.

Don’t wait more than a few seconds at most. Spontaneity is your ally in social settings.

3. Complimenting her too much.

Women like receiving compliments. Nevertheless, when you compliment a woman too much, too fast, it conveys neediness, which is the least attractive trait in a man.

It’s like you decided this woman is perfect for you and you want her to be your wife without having gotten to know anything about her beyond her psychical appearance.

Only needy men do that. Men who are used to women liking them do not fall head over heels over a woman just because she looks hot.

Sure, that might trigger their initial interest to talk to her, but they want to get to know her better before making up their mind about her.

As a result, they don’t bombard a woman with compliments as soon as they meet her. They take their time and compliment her steadily as she reveals herself.

Take the same approach when you approach women, and you’ll see impressive results.

Avoid all three of these big mistakes, and you’ll be running circles around most other men.

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

A new study coming out of the journal Social Influence tested to see if women were more likely to respond positively to flirting when the sun was out, compared to when skies were gray.

According to the study’s results, sunny weather dramatically increases the chances a woman will give out her number. Women gave out their phone number 22.4 percent of the time on sunny days and 13.9 percent of the time on cloudy days.

In the study, an “attractive” 20-year-old male approached female strangers (ages 18 to 25) who were walking by themselves down the street.

“Women gave out their phone number

22.4 percent of the time on sunny days.”

When the young man approached, he flirted with the women and asked for their phone numbers. Some of the women were approached when the weather was cloudy, while the other women were approached when the sun was shining.

While this is the first study to examine the role sunny weather plays in flirtatiousness, previous research has demonstrated how other environmental factors (including background music, ambient aromas and various visual cues) can impact the success, or failure, of courtship attempts.

Sunny weather in particular has been shown to increase friendliness and generosity in numerous platonic social exchanges, suggesting a shining sun may simply make people a little more socially open than they would be otherwise.

Source: Tandfonline.com. Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

From coaching and matchmaking, to Skype workshops and in-your-face advice, these experts will get you the results you’re looking for.

David Wygantdavidwygant.com

Bragging Rights: Love personal trainer

David Wygant is a self-professed “regular guy” who says you don’t need a Ph.D. in psychology to be qualified to give dating advice. With more than 20 years of experience as one of America’s top dating coaches, Wygant is living proof. He’s like a tough personal trainer, but instead of coaching you to a flat stomach, Wygant’s coaching you to a better love life.

Social Clout: 3,136 followers, 7,115 likes

URL: http://davidwygant.com/

DeAnna Lorrainedeannalorraine.com

Bragging Rights: A woman’s perspective

Nicknamed “Ms. Hitch,” Lorraine is an internationally acclaimed coach with extensive expertise and knowledge of modern dating, relationships and mastering the art of attracting the opposite sex. She’s youthful, innovative and savvy with new technologies and social media. If you’re an elite power broker with “impossible” standards looking for love, then Lorraine’s your gal.

Social Clout: 3,995 followers, 188 likes

URL: http://deannalorraine.com/

Doc Lovedoclove.com

Bragging Rights: Says what he means

Doc Love, aka Thomas Hodges, has spent 40 years interviewing more than 10,000 women to author “The System,” the “definitive book on dating and relationships.” At age 65, Doc Love doesn’t put up with any crap. In fact, he’s a hilarious gent who puts readers in their place and slaps them across the face with advice. His site offers everything from free weekly advice to a live radio show.

Social Clout: 3,640 followers, 2,047 likes

URL: http://doclove.com/

Paul C. Brunsonpaulcbrunson.com

Bragging Rights: Business-like approach

Known as “The Modern Day Hitch,” Paul C. Brunson is a pioneering matchmaker who has matched more than 3,000 people. As the author of “It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be),” Brunson has been featured on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, The Washington Post and Extra. He takes a business-like approach to matchmaking and offers real knowledge to his clients.

Social Clout: 97,529 followers, 13,816 likes

URL: http://paulcbrunson.com/

Thomas Edwardstheprofessionalwingman.com

Bragging Rights: Your personal wingman

Thomas Edwards is “The Professional Wingman.” Founded in March 2009, Edwards’ focus is to help people develop their social skills and confidence to transform their dating and professional lives. Peers, colleagues and media have deemed Edwards the “Real-life Hitch,” earning him attention from Maxim, Cosmopolitan, CNN and his now-fiance, eFlirt Expert Laurie Davis.

Social Clout: 6,573 followers

URL: http://theprofessionalwingman.com/

Ryan Jakovljevicdonjuaninc.com

Bragging Rights: Online interaction

As founder of Don Juan Consulting Inc., Ryan Jakovljevic offers life coaching, relationship coaching and dating advice while stressing the importance of being you. He’s the author of “The Modern Man: A New Perspective on Dating, Lifestyle and Relationships” (slated to be released in 2013) and communicates authentically with his  followers through Skype, blogging and video posts.

Social Clout: 3,354 followers, 33 likes

URL: http://donjuaninc.com/

Samuel McCrohansparklife.info

Bragging Rights: Proactive dating

Samuel McCrohan founded Sparklife.info, which totes itself as “Proactive Dating!” in 2006. As a UK-based dating and relationship coach, McCrohan offers extensive articles that leave you satisfied with advice and lots and lots of smiley faces. McCrohan focuses on honing his expertise on how to meet, attract and connect with members of the opposite sex.

Social Clout: 30,636 followers

URL: http://sparklife.info/

James Preecejamespreece.com

Bragging Rights: Dating workshops

James Preece (aka The Dating Guru) has become one of the leading dating experts in the U.K. through workshops, article posts, radio shows, face-to-face meetings and Skype calls. He has more than eight years experience working for more than 20 different dating companies. Preece cares deeply about clients and wants to give them the relationship they’ve always dreamed about.

Social Clout: 5,279 followers

URL: http://jamespreece.com/

Dr. Richard Nicastrostrengthenyourrelationship.com

Bragging Rights: Marriage/couples counseling

A psychologist and marriage/couples counselor in New Mexico, Dr. Richard Nicastro is founder of StrengthenYourRelationship.com. He’s the author of numerous books and has worked with hundreds of couples on a wide range of relationship issues. Dr. Nicastro’s focus is to make his clients feel good about expressing themselves.

Social Clout: 5,041 followers

URL: http://strengthenyourrelationship.com/

James Matadorpuaartist.com

Bragging Rights: Pickup artist

With a last name like Matador, it only makes sense you’d become one of the top pickup artists in the world. By utilizing alpha male body language and mannerisms to attract women, Matador has trained more than a thousand men on how to seduce woman by simply interacting in a confident manner. He’s also co-star of VH1′s “The Pickup Artist.”

Social Clout: 2,528 followers, 2,484 likes

URL: http://puaartist.com/

Featured photo source: pickuptipsformen.com.

Really, we girls have that kind of silly internal dialogue rolling around in our minds when we’re hoping to connect with a guy we find appealing.

What we really need is your help.

Guys, if you sense the cute girl at the coffee shop or at the party is signaling you (consciously or not), and if you find yourself attracted to her and interested in her, this is your cue to be the guy and initiate.

Make a connection – she’s giving you the green light.

Even today’s modern-day female who will want and expect equality in the workplace, but when it comes to dating and relationships, she still wants to be the girl.

In fact, she needs to be the girl.

Today’s modern-day matchmakers and dating coaches and moms everywhere are instructing our daughters to NOT chase guys, but rather SIGNAL them with a smile or with eye contact so the guy can indeed be the guy and pursue her.

“Pounce on these opportunities to

initiate conversation and connection.”

Good girls don’t chase, shouldn’t chase, won’t chase you.

This philosophy and these signaling tactics work beautifully, but only if the guys step up to the plate to initiate.

Otherwise, nothing happens, and what’s missed is an opportunity for connection, for possibility, for relationship and for love to happen for both of you.

Get good at. Get better at. Say hello. Your love life depends on it, especially if you like the idea of being The Guy, The Leader in your future relationship.

If you want to be partnered with a feminine woman who will appreciate having a masculine guy in her life, you simply must practice the art of initiating and saying hello.

What to do? What to say?

Approach her directly and cross the crowded room to talk with her (we girls dream and fantasize about our prince doing just this, truly), and what you say is not nearly as important as you might think.

Make a comment, offer a compliment, ask a question – not in pickup-artist style, but in good-guy style, direct and confident.

Something as simple as, “Hi, I’m John. Nice to see you here.”

There are so many things you can say to her – “How’s your day going?” “What brings you here today?” “You are adorable. I have to say hi – I’m John, who are you?”

As girls, we don’t want to have to initiate, as it throws off the male/female balance.

Her eye contact and her smile are her cues to you, her green light, her invitation for you to initiate contact with her.

She needs for you to close the deal.

After you’ve had a chance to talk to each other, if you like her and would love to see her again, ask her if you can call her to invite her out for a drink or for coffee.

Give her your card or your phone number and ask for hers. Call her within 24 hours with a confident, strong invitation.

At any age, a girl wants to be with a guy she can respect, look up to and admire, the guy she can envision being her provider/protector.

Practice being that guy from the get-go, and pounce on these opportunities to initiate conversation and connection, especially when she’s giving you the green light.

How do you feel confident when approaching women?

Photo source: practicalhappiness.com.

This leads a lot of men to act in quasi-creepy behavior, such as staring at women in public, following women around, or sitting there making faux sexy eye contact in an effort to get HER to make the first move.

I hate to burst your bubble, but if women aren’t likely to make the first move in traditional dating spheres like bars, clubs, and parties, then they certainly aren’t going to walk up to you and ask what you think about that copy of Joyce you’re reading conspicuously while glancing up at her every three seconds.

If you have any interest in meeting the women you see out and about in your daily life, then you need to make the move, plain and simple. Thankfully, approaching women in public isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think.

Women want to be approached.

If you’re going to start meeting women in public, you need to learn how to read female body language to determine when a woman is giving you an invitation to approach or not.

Generally speaking, if a woman makes repeated eye contact with you, if she smiles at you, if you catch her looking at you multiple times, and if she hangs around a space near you for no reason for a bizarrely long period of time, she’s likely inviting you to speak to her.

This isn’t always the case. There’s subtlety here and it takes a little bit of observational practice before you’ll get the hang of things.

But knowing women WANT to be approached and often send active signals is the first step to figuring out when it’s right to approach and when it’s not.

Many men find it difficult to believe women want to be approached in public. Men believe this is a predominantly male fantasy.

But women are constantly watching love movies and reading romance novels where the heroine meets the man of her dreams randomly while going about her life.

This is part of the reason women get dressed up to read a book in a coffee shop. Women want (the right) guys to approach them in so many (right) ways.

It’s way creepier to stare a woman down in public than to walk up and talk with her, so kill the thought you’re somehow doing something wrong by thinking you should approach cute girls in public.

“A random comment has led

to many hour-long conversations.”

Making the approach.

There are two main ways to approach women in public. Both are effective in their own right, and which one you choose depends a lot on the situation you find yourself in.

You can approach a woman and repeat some variation of a lifestyle guru’s script that goes like this:

“Excuse me, but I find you very attractive and knew I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t approach you. I have to go meet up with some friends/get back to work but I’d like your number. You can give me a fake one if you want.”

Or you can comment on something she’s doing or something going on around you. A random comment or question about a book a woman’s reading or the fact she’s drawing in a sketchbook has led to many hour-long conversations and subsequent dates with women I’ve sat next to in coffee shops.

When it comes down to it, if a woman doesn’t want to talk to you or has no interest in you, she’ll let you know pretty quickly, usually in a pretty polite way, so feel free to approach away whenever you want.