By analyzing recorded speed dating sessions, researchers from Stanford University have determined four minutes is enough time to forge a meaningful relationship.

Published in the American Journal of Sociology, the study consisted of nearly 1,000 heterosexual couples – mostly Stanford graduate students.

Researchers Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky used computer software to analyze and compare the couples while on several four-minute dates. Each participant also filled out a survey before and after the dates.

McFarland said he wanted to get a better understanding of why some couples experience an immediate connection while others do not.

“We wanted to get at what the essence of the connection is, what makes people feel like they bonded,” he said.

“Participants rated a higher level of connection

when the discussion focused on the woman.”

The results show how words are spoken, when and for how long determines if a couple will “click.”

Women reported more of a connection to dates who were sympathetic and supportive, while both men and women rated a higher level of connection when the discussion focused mainly on the woman.

“You could say men are self-centered and women are always trying to please men, but it turns out that’s just not true,” McFarland said. “This is a situation in life where women have the power. Women feel disconnected when they have to ask men questions or when men ask them questions.”

The study also found women were more likely to be selective in determining a connection with a date.

One of the post-date questions asked whether each partner would be interested in seeing the person again on a more complete date. In such cases where both were interested, a real date was arranged.

Source: Standford University. Photo source: hotdatehot.com.

A new study conducted at the University of South Brittany in France found women were twice as likely to give their phone numbers to a man carrying a guitar than the same man who was empty-handed.

Behavioral scientists employed a 20-year-old man to approach 300 unknown women aged 18 to 22 in an area shopping center.

The man would comment on how attractive each woman was and ask for her phone number. The man carried a guitar when approaching the first 100 women, a sports bag for the second 100 and nothing for the remaining 100.

While the empty-handed approach was successful only 14 percent of the time, that number doubled to 31 percent when a guitar was used. For the attempts with the sports bag, only about one in 10 women offered a phone number.

“Women were twice as likely to give their 

numbers to a man carrying a guitar.”

According to Professor Nichola Gueguen, the presence of the guitar represents different qualities in a man that women are more likely to be responsive to, such as higher intelligence, independent hobbies and a willingness to learn new skills.

Gueguen’s team also believes depictions of musicians in the media have lead to associating it with wealth or status.

A similar Israeli study had a man send out friend requests on Facebook – half with him photographed strumming a guitar and the other half without.

While only one in 10 accepted the request without the guitar, that result jumped to 28 percent with the inclusion of the musical instrument.

No difference was noted on the Israeli Facebook study when they repeated the effort using a woman holding a guitar, suggesting males are considerably less attracted to the skill.

The French study has indicated also wanting to repeat their method using female musicians.

Source: The University of South Brittany. Photo source: deviantart.net.

Despite what Hollywood would have moviegoers believe, it appears single men have a greater overall belief in “love at first sight” than single women.

A new study conducted by DatingAdvice.com found single men were 33 percent more likely than single women to believe they could fall in love with someone after just one look.

Across the board, the results show men were more optimistic about love at first sight than women, regardless of race, marital status, sexuality or age.

Asian males had the highest response, with four out of five answering in the affirmative compared to only one-third of Asian women.

Sixty-eight percent of married men believe in love at first sight, 12 percent higher than married women.

“Men were more optimistic about love at first sight,

regardless of race, marital status, sexuality or age.”

Nearly three out of four gay men said they believe in love at first sight, more than double the rate of lesbian respondents.

Clinical psychologist and DatingAdvice.com expert Dr. Wendy Walsh said the findings show men often put more emphasis on appearance than women when looking for a partner.

“This makes total sense as men are more visually wired than women and often make beauty a component of love,” she said. “Women, on the other hand, have evolved to look for resource potential in a mate.”

The study also found as men grow older, their belief in love at first sight gradually increases. About half of men aged 18 to 24 said they believed in love at first sight, but that number jumps to 72 percent for 35- to 44-year-old men and 70 percent for 45- to 54-year-old men.

Dr. Walsh suggested more men believe in love at first sight as they age because their focus becomes less about sexual pleasure and more about connecting emotionally and mentally with their partner.

“I think men rate ‘love’ more possible after the age of 45,” she said. “Young men tend to be more sexually driven. After the age of 40, their testosterone begins to decline and their estrogen levels increase, making bonding more desired.”

The study surveyed 1,080 respondents over the course of three weeks, balancing responses by age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors in order to accurately represent the U.S. population. The study has a margin of error of +/- 2.8%.

The Breakdown: Americans Who Believe in Love at First Sight

By gender:

• Male: 61%
• Female: 53%

By sexuality:

• Straight: 57%
• Gay: 63%

By marital status:

• Single, Never Married: 50%
• Married: 61%
• Divorced: 60%

By age:

• 18 to 24: 46%
• 25 to 34: 51%
• 35 to 44: 67%
• 45 to 54: 64%
• 54 to 64: 56%
• 65 and older: 56%

By race:

• White: 57%
• African-American: 48%
• Hispanic: 64%
• Asian: 55%

By income:

• Under $25,000: 56%
• $25,000 to $49,999: 63%
• $50,000 to $74,999: 55%
• $75,000 to $99,999: 61%
• $100,000 to $124,999: 51%
• $125,000 or higher: 50%

By region:

• Northeast: 58%
• Midwest: 53%
• South: 57%
• West: 58%

According to a new study, the lower a woman’s self-esteem, the harder she will work to keep her man.

Conducted by the University of Huddersfield in the U.K., the study found when a woman felt she was less desirable than her partner, she reported greater personal investment in maintaining her relationship.

By contrast, when a woman felt she was more attractive than her partner, she invested less in improving her relationship.

“When a woman felt less desirable, she reported

greater investment in her relationship.”

The study consisted of 192 women who were between the ages of 18 and 60. The participants rated their own desirability, their partner’s desirability and how much they worked on improving their relationship.

Dr. Chris Bale said if a woman thinks her partner is very desirable to other people, this may affect how much time and energy she puts into the relationship. He added further research would need to be conducted to see if similar patterns emerge among men.

“These results represent women who feel that they have fewer desirable qualities than their partners attempting to make up for this imbalance by investing more time, effort and economic resources in their relationships.”

Source: The University of Huddersfield via IndianExpress.com. Photo source: bernheimdolinsky.com.

A study published in the Journal of Risk Research found men exposed to attractive women were more likely to engage in risky behavior.

Interestingly, women were unlikely to engage in risky behavior, even if they had just been exposed to attractive men.

“Men exposed to attractive women were

more likely to engage in risky behavior.”

The study evaluated men and women in three examples of risk-taking behavior: sex, gambling and reckless driving.

In all three scenarios, men were more likely to engage in risky behavior if a romantic element was presented. However, women showed no desire to engage in risky behavior.

Why are men more likely to take risks in the heat of attraction? Researchers point toward evolution.

“In the evolutionary past, our ancestors were faced with a hazardous environment where they were forced to take great risks in order to find shelter, food and sexual partners,” researchers said. “Thus, individuals who played it safe, in that they did not take any risks at all, were unlikely to survive. From this view, risk-taking behavior is an inherited solution to enhance survival and reproduction.”

Source: Tandfonline.com. Photo source: alaska-in-pictures.com.

An overwhelming majority of the women I date are professional women who earn a lot more money than I do. I have no problem with this. I have a good job, but it doesn’t pay as much as the careers these women have.

I sometimes wonder if my earnings exclude me with these ladies because I’m not at “their level.” As you have pointed out, women today are the hunters/gatherers and I could end up as a house husband changing all of the diapers.

How do I make myself appealing to them? How do I not come off as weak?

-Jeff (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Jeff,

Excellent questions. So many successful women are suffering from what sociologists call a “George Clooney effect,” meaning the more successful they become, the more successful of a man they desire.

But the smart career women are starting to see a good man is a good partner who is able to help with the household and child rearing.

What I’m not clear about is this: Are you not interested in being a fair domestic partner with a high-earning woman?

If not, then you should date less successful women so you can feel like a traditional male.

On the other hand, if you can see yourself being very involved on the home front, you can come off looking strong by assuming a huge protector role.

Can you physically protect her? Can you legally protect her? Can you financially protect her by managing the money? Can you show her you have her back?

This is a strong man to any woman.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

She’s cute and fun, but you’re not incredibly excited about her.

Here’s what happens:

Whenever we go through long bouts of being single, we tend to get lonely. It’s human nature.

The problem with that dynamic is it clouds our judgment when it comes to dating.

Eventually we hit a point where we say to ourselves, “I really want a relationship right now.” But it never seems to work that way.

Getting excited.

In dating, good things come to those who are patient, and it’s going to happen when you least expect it.

You can’t just walk around and not talk to anybody and hope some great relationship is going to pop into your lap.

By being open every single day, acknowledging you’re single, being OK with being single, and not feeling desperate or lonely, you’ll attract the relationship you really wanted.

Get excited now and be more open to what can possibly come to you.

If you don’t meet somebody who you’re excited about, you’re still going to be excited because your life is good on its own.

And if you’re currently dating somebody, I want you to say their name out loud.

Does the emotion of excitement come soon after?

“If you’re not excited about the person you’re

currently dating, then you’ve got to be honest.”

Compromise.

Because if you’re not excited about the person you’re with, then you’re just compromising. Compromising is something that isn’t healthy and it’s never going to be good for you in the long run.

I know a lot of people that compromise. They now have three kids. They’re living in the suburbs and they’re miserable.

It doesn’t mean having three kids and living in the ‘burbs is misery. It just means the person they chose is not the right person for them.

So if you wake up in the morning and you’re not excited about the person you’re currently dating, then you’ve got to be honest with yourself and move on.

Life is a one-shot deal.

Time to get excited about everything that goes on in your life.

Tell me about some of the people you are not excited about down below. And tell me what happened, how long did it take to break up and how many years did you waste dating someone that was not right for you?

Photo source: womenwantme.com.

A study by the University of Texas at Austin found the more attractive a man thinks he is, the more women he thinks want to sleep with him, regardless of whether he actually looks as good as he thinks.

Conversely, women seem to have a better sense of their looks. Researchers found attractive women knew they were attractive and less attractive women knew they were less attractive.

“The more attractive a man thinks he is, the

more women he thinks want to sleep with him.”

In the study, researchers focused on what is called “misperception of sexual interest” and looked at the ways men perceived both their own attractiveness and their desirability to women.

The study recruited 96 men and 103 women, all of whom:

• Rated their own attractiveness
• Rated the opposite-sex participants’ attractiveness
• Reported which opposite-sex participants wanted to sleep with them

Researchers discovered unattractive men often think they’re more attractive and more desirable than women consider them to be. However, attractive men often think they’re less attractive and less desirable.

Interestingly enough, the more attractive a woman is, the more likely a man thinks she wants to sleep with him.

Source: UTexas.edu. Photo source: photobucket.com.

However, new research shows male and female friendships become even more unbalanced when existing romantic relationships are taken into consideration.

The study, which was conducted by the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, consisted of 88 pairs of male and female friends.

Researchers split the men and women up and had them complete an identical questionnaire, which assessed their attraction to their friends and their satisfaction with their current relationship.

“Men are more likely to be attracted to female

friends whether one or both are in a relationship.”

Looking at the data, researchers found men (especially young men) are more likely to be attracted to their female friends, regardless of whether one or both of them are in a romantic relationship.

Conversely, women in existing romantic relationships are less likely to find their male friends attractive.

Both men and women felt this attraction was more of a problem than a benefit to the friendship.

Also, if an individual finds a friend attractive, he or she is more likely to feel dissatisfied with a current relationship and his or her romantic partner is likely to feel jealous of the friendship in question.

Source: Bleske-recheck.com. Photo source: glogster.com.

The study found four out of 10 new mothers and fathers find their partner less attractive after having children, while more than 60 percent of couples stated they had more fights and less sex after childbirth.

After having children, 28 percent of couples reported having sex once a month, 5 percent reported having sex once a year and 7 percent reported not having sex at all.

“Four out of 10 new mothers and fathers find their

partner less attractive after having children.”

Researchers pointed toward disagreements about money and chores as the root of the problems, noting more than 50 percent of couples argue more about money after having children and 41 percent argue over chore completion.

However, psychologist Jo Hemmings said the origins of these problems can be found externally as well as within the relationship.

“When you make that transition from lover to mother or father, everything changes; the way society views you to your priorities to the amount of freedom you have,” she said.

Source: Yano.co.uk via Telegraph.co.uk. Photo source: msn.com.