DatingAdvice.com » Calling

The Minister I’m Dating Hasn’t Contacted Me. Should I Contact Him?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 17 May 2013 11:00:54 +0000

Reader Question:

I have been seeing a minister for about three months. He has made it clear he really only has Fridays and Mondays available. There has been limited time to get to know each other.

He has made overtures to move much quicker than I am willing to do so. He made an attempt to kiss me. I had to explain I really had not kissed a guy. I have some religious beliefs and promises I have made that make me hesitant.

He asked when we can meet again. I said Monday evening will be fine. I text him to see how his Sunday services went. He did not text me back, nor did he contact me about going out Monday.

Should I try to contact him? Or should I just chalk it up to a loss and take my learned lessons?

-Elisea (Virginia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Darling, hold your values strong. If this minister is worth his salt at counseling others about how to grow a strong bond, he should not be afraid to do it with you.

My advice: Don’t chase him. Stay off text. When he calls, reward him with happiness in your voice.

Let him spin in and out, but you stay strong and know you are lovable and the love you will accept is one that takes time to grow.

You are in control here. Don’t make him doubt yourself.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

3 Signs She’s Ready to Give You Her Number

David Wygant — Thu, 16 May 2013 11:00:09 +0000

“You’re either born with it or you’re not.” I hear that a lot.

I hear it mainly from guys who have trouble socializing “naturally,” so they turn to systems and methods that change dating into a scientific experiment.

These guys break down the dating process into a step-by-step procedure, analyzing each part.

And the most overly-analyzed aspect of the dating process is getting her phone number.

“When do I ask her for her number? How do I guarantee she gives it to me? How many minutes into our initial conversation should I wait before asking for the number?”

A guy actually asked me that once. And I told him this:

“There is no fucking time limit!”

It’s all about the connection.

There have been many times I’ve talked to a woman in line at the supermarket where we had a nice 15- or 20-second conversation and I felt the spark — I knew it was there! And so I’d look at her and say:

“You know what, before you run, give me your number. We need to talk more about the sushi you’re going to go home and eat.”

Whatever it is, I don’t care. I’ll just say anything.

Then I get the phone number.

I’ve gotten into a good 10-minute conversation and gotten the phone number — sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes only five. It all depends on where you’re at and where you are in the moment.

“If you don’t understand these things,

then you’ve really got a lot to learn.”

Never be afraid to ask for the phone number if these three things occur:

1. You actually have a real conversation with her.

And I mean real. None of the fluffy, stop-and-chat, “weather looks good today” stuff.

2. She tells you personal things about herself.

A woman will never tell you anything personal about herself unless she felt comfortable. Trust is a big part of any relationship, and trust is something that needs to be built from the beginning of your interaction.

If she can trust you with her life details, she can trust you with her number.

3. There’s a spark between the two of you.

You know that feeling you get when you meet someone you just click with? It always happens in a moment and it’s not something you can reason. It’s just a spark. When you feel that, it’s on.

So if you’re like one of the scientific guys I described earlier, look for these three signs and you’ll always know when it’s the right time to ask for her number.

But I would suggest you develop some sensitivity. It’ll be much easier for you in the future. You can get out of your head and really dig into the moment.

It’s not just about you looking out for the signs above.

Is her eye contact with you? Is she smiling? Is she glowing? (Yes, there’s a glow women have when they have a connection with a man they’re attracted to.)

If you don’t understand these things, if you don’t know what a woman is attracted to, then you’ve really got a lot to learn.

But you’re here because you want that magical phone number. Watch out for the three signs above and you’ll get it.

Guys, do you have trouble getting the girl’s number? Which tip are you going to use to get the number every time from now on?

Photo source: glamour.com.

She Refuses to Talk on the Phone. Do You Have Any Suggestions?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 10 May 2013 11:00:06 +0000

Reader Question:

I’ve been interested in someone for a long time. However, she’s caught in this modern era of never/refusing to talk on the telephone and will only email or text despite my repeated requests to have voice conversations.

This woman is 50, not 18, yet still remains this way. I’m not a phone person either, but when it comes to personal relationships, I still believe in having real communication whenever I can.

Do you have any suggestions?

-Randy (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Randy,

Boy, do I have suggestions. And I’m fascinated to see addiction to technology is not limited to one gender. Usually men are the ones who won’t pick up the phone.

The good news is you can train her. To do so, you’ll need self discipline and to be prepared she doesn’t want more and may walk.

Sometimes a reliance on text over voice and face-to-face contact is a signal someone wants to avoid closeness all together.

The main way to train someone not to text is to simply stop responding to texts. If all her texts are being rewarded by you texting back, then she has no reason to alter her behavior.

But the other important piece is when she finally does call, you have to reward that good behavior with happy communication.

Don’t mention that she FINALLY picked up the phone. Just get right into the happy talk that she’s used to.

For more details on training a texter, please look at the technology chapter in my book “The 30-Day Love Detox.”

My Ex Kicked Me Out. Should I Call Her?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:00:33 +0000

Reader Question:

My ex-girlfriend kicked me out of her house in March 2012. The last time I talked to her on the phone was early December 2012.

Should I call her?

-Thomas (Missouri)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Thomas,

In a word: Why? Why did she kick you out of her house? And why do you want to get back with her?

Think about the answers to those two questions before taking my next advice.

If you really want a future relationship with her, you better have permanently changed the behavior that irked her before. Earning her trust back will be hard.

Secondly, the two of you need to learn some better conflict resolution skills. I guarantee if you fought a lot before, you will fight more this time around, so learn to contain yourself and hold your tongue.

Finally, even if she wants it, don’t rush back into a sexual relationship. The hormones and neurotransmitters associated with sex will make you less able to forge the emotional connection you will need for a long-term, secure attachment.

She Never Calls or Texts. Why is She Suddenly Ignoring Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:00:05 +0000

Reader Question:

We’ve known each other for years and recently I moved away from her area. I tried not to let the distance change anything and continued my heavy flirtation via daily texts and consistent phone calls.

It seemed we were starting to seriously crush on each other. I poured my heart out to her. She ended up telling me she has feelings for me too but doesn’t want to date because we’d never see each other. I just figured I’ll wait for her. A couple days after that, I get no response. She never calls, texts or anything.

Why is she suddenly ignoring me?

-Thomas (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Thomas,

She is ignoring you because she just broke up with you.

I know you may want to keep the friendship, even if she doesn’t want to date, but the flirtatious nature of your communication is inappropriate for a platonic friendship.

Wait a while — weeks or months — and then communicate with her in a nonsexual, professional manner.

You may not salvage the relationship or even the friendship, but it’s worth a try.

She Won’t Return My Calls. Should I Move On or Be Patient?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:00:36 +0000

Reader Question:

My name is Dave and I met this woman while I was working in Nevada. I haven’t heard from her in a few months and we talked on the phone a few times in the last two weeks.

She said she likes me a lot, but when I try to get a call back, she won’t answer me.

Should I move on or be patient and wait?

-Dave (Arizona)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Dave,

Let me get this straight: You talked on the phone a few times in the last two weeks, but now she suddenly is not returning your calls?

Or are you saying you have called every time and wonder if she’ll ever initiate a phone call?

Either way, I suggest you contain your anxiety. Whatever is meant to be will be.

I would be patient and wait. Very soon you’ll have your answer. No answer is an answer.

My “One Phone Number” Rule

Shogo Garcia — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 11:00:04 +0000

How many single guys fantasize that Friday and Saturday nights will be filled with fun, flirting and meeting plenty of new women to fill up their social life?

Too often, however, weekends out on the town end with nothing more than a huge bar tab, a drunken slice of late-night greasy pizza and a taxi ride home without a single decent conversation with a woman.

Or, if the guy has been practicing how to get more dates, he ends up with a pocket full of phone numbers.

But that doesn’t matter because when he calls those numbers (hmm, three days later?), all he gets is her voice mail. And she never calls back.

What’s going on here?

A single guy puts so much pressure on himself to make something happen with every woman he talks to in a social setting.

He needs to appear cool, confident and attractive in every conversation with a woman. He needs to get her intrigued and, with any luck, he’ll leave with her phone number.

But all of that pressure he puts on himself to “get her phone number” often leads to failure.

In the end, he never talks to any women because he’s afraid he won’t be able to “make something happen” with every woman.

“If you can make ONE real connection with a

woman, you’ll create a healthy dating life.”

Forget about getting her phone number.

I’d really like you to change that mindset.

When you’re about to (or have just started to) talk to a new woman, forget about getting her attracted to you.

Forget about whether or not you’re doing the right things to make her intrigued. Forget all of that pressure you’ve put on yourself.

Instead, focus only on whether you’re having a great connection right then and there because that’s the only thing that’s going to determine how she feels about you.

When you’re having a great conversation and the two of you really connect, then you get her phone number, not the other way around.

If you’ve ever wondered why a woman doesn’t call a man back after she’s given him her number, this is your answer:

It’s because he pressured her into it.

He was so focused on how to “extract” a phone number out of her that he ignored whether she even wanted to give him her number in the first place.

If she’s not interested in you or what you have to say in that moment, she’s not going to call you back no matter what you try to do.

Phone numbers are not important.

A good connection is what matters.

Getting three or four phone numbers every weekend may sound appealing right now, but really it’s just anticipating our own failure.

We’re anticipating some women are not going to call us back, others are going to flake and others won’t be attracted to us after a first date.

I don’t get flaked on, and I almost never have a bad first date. It’s not that I’m special or that I have some secret. I simply never think about getting a pocket full of phone numbers.

One phone number from the one woman I have the best connection with – that’s all I need.

If you can make ONE real connection with a woman once a week, or even once a month, you’ll have more than enough to create a healthy dating life.

How are you going to implement the “one phone number” rule? I really want to hear what you have to say.

Photo source: corbisimages.com.

She’s Afraid of Meeting People Online. Should I Text or Call Her?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 11:00:03 +0000

Reader Question:

I met this girl online and we talked for a couple of weeks. We were supposed to hang out, but she flaked on me.

Last time we talked was about a week ago. I know she is afraid about meeting people from online.

Should I text or call her? What should I say?

-Mike (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Mike,

Call her. Gain her trust.

I agree she should be wary about meeting people online, so suggest a group event where you each bring a friend and meet in a public place.

She Doesn’t Like to Talk Over the Phone. Is She Flirting, or is She Serious?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 12:00:49 +0000

Reader Question:

This girl (29 years old) is my teacher’s assistant and two years older to me. While we walk from campus to my home, she will always touch me, nudge me or rub her body to mine.

I asked if she has a boyfriend and said she is kind of seeing someone. She asked my status and I said I was single.

I try to call her but she does not pick up. Then I ask if she would like to get lunch/dinner with me sometime. She says she is not avoiding me but does not like to talk over the phone. She also says she would love to continue our friendship over a meal but at a time she is not exhausted or busy.

Is she flirting, or is she serious?

-Al (U.S.A)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Al,

This gal is messing with you. She doesn’t know what she wants.

She may be keeping you as a backup man in case her current guy lets her down. Or, she may be using you to boost her own ego.

I’d say move on. This girl isn’t worth it. And this game playing will drive you crazy!

I Met This Girl at a Get-Together. Is it Too Early to Ask for Her Number?

Dr. Wendy Walsh — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 12:00:20 +0000

Reader Question:

I am a 20-year-old male and I haven’t been in a solid relationship since high school. I met this girl at a get-together. The next day, I found her on Facebook and told her I really hoped I would get to see her again. I got a positive response.

This girl left an incredibly lasting impression on me. I’m just kind of tired of me trying to play the trial-and-error game, and I want to at least get up to the first date right.

Is it too early to ask for her number? How can I not sound boring via text/Facebook?

-Chad (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Chad,

The trick is to avoid getting into a text/Facebook relationship at all. At the same time, you have to earn her trust enough for her to give up her number.

Do you have friends in common? Chat about how you know them. Did she mention anything in your meeting where you can pick up the thread of that conversation?

When women first meet a guy, they want two things:

1. They want to be complimented for their brains and talent instead of their looks.

2. They want a guy to make their life easier.

What does she need? A running partner? A homework helper? Can you score tickets to something she couldn’t get on her own?

Ask yourself how you can make her life better and she’ll be more likely to trust you.