Let's Talk Red Flags

Amber Brooks

By: Amber Brooks

Editor: Lillian Castro

Posted:

“I love spotting red flags,” said no one ever. So we want to help you spot them early in dating or relationships. That way, you won’t waste your precious time on the wrong someone.

Whether you just started texting someone, are going on a first date, or are months into a relationship that just feels off, we have the tools to help you spot the warning signs or troubling behavior you may be missing.

To be frank, red flags can be sneaky little things and hard to detect, especially if you’re really digging someone. So let us be your barometer.

Read about common red flags, such as love bombing and gaslighting, so you can understand what they are and how they appear. In no time, you’ll learn to identify toxic patterns and red flags in real time, as well as how to take action with confidence. We did the research, so you can kick bad dates to the curb.

188 Results

What Our Experts Say:

1.
How to Spot Low-Effort Dating Matches (5 Red Flags to Avoid Time Wasters)
Amie Leadingham

Amie Leadingham

Have you ever dated someone and just had this sinking feeling in the back of your mind, "Is this person actually into me, or are they wasting my time?" If you’ve felt this way, you are not alone.  I hear it all the time from the singles I work with. “They seem like they're into me when I’m with them, but when we are apart, I don’t hear a thing but crickets.”  A low-effort dating match is someone who...

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2.
What Is Throning? When You’re Chosen for Status, Not Love
Amie Leadingham

Amie Leadingham

Ever date someone superficial and image-obsessed? They always focus on the way you look, social status, or the connections you have. Well, I want to warn you about a trend called "throning." They put you on a pedestal or "throne" you because of how you make them look and help them level up their circle of connections.  Throning is when someone dates you primarily to boost their own social clout and...

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3.
4 Red Flags When Hiring a Matchmaker
Scott Valdez

Scott Valdez

After 16 years in matchmaking, I’ve heard hundreds of horror stories from clients who came to us after getting burned elsewhere, and I know exactly how bad this industry can get. The right matchmaker helps you find your person. The wrong one wastes your time and money. The matchmaking industry has grown exponentially in recent years, but unfortunately, not all services are created equal. Some companies focus more...

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4.
What Is a Future Faker? And Are You Dating One?
Jamie Ballard

Jamie Ballard

Reddit's algorithms recently pointed me toward a subreddit called Waiting to Wed, probably because I frequent subreddits where people share their relationship troubles and ask for advice. (What can I say, I mostly became a dating writer because I love other people's drama.)  The Waiting to Wed subreddit has pages and pages of posts where people — mostly women — are wondering why their partner hasn't proposed. And...

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5.
6 Signs of an Avoidant Partner
Amie Leadingham

Amie Leadingham

Before becoming a dating coach, I learned a lot from totally screwing up my own love life. Talking with my clients today, I've noticed something we both had in common. We kept falling for the same type of person with a different face. You know the ones I'm talking about. They seem amazing at first, then emotionally distant later. And it always felt like something was just… off. I used to be the queen of chasing...

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6.
What Is Learned Helplessness – and How Does It Affect Attraction?
Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Oh, sweet love! So pure. So innocent. From romance novels to romantic comedies, love seems to be a cure-all.  Sometimes I wish love were actually about finding happiness and pleasure. Sadly, love is more likely to be about finding the familiar.  Depending on one’s childhood circumstances, that familiar feeling of love may be laced with pleasure, or it may be bound by a lot of pain. What Science...

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7.
5 Toxic Online Dating Behaviors That Sabotage Real Connection 
Amie Leadingham

Amie Leadingham

Finding my husband online wasn't a straight path. After 13 wonderful years of marriage, I can look back at my online dating days and laugh at the bad dates and mistakes made along the way. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I encountered some truly perplexing characters on the apps. As a dating coach, I’m all about self-improvement and growth, so I want you to learn from my mistakes. I’m going to detail the most toxic...

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8.
What Is a Unicorn Hunter?
Sheena Holt

Sheena Holt

Some single people know they’re polyamorous, and they seek relationships with multiple people at the same time. Others open up their existing relationships or create new ones that are open from the jump, committing to one relationship while pursuing separate relationships on their own.  Others still look to invite new people into their existing relationships by forming triads or polycules. In these...

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9.
Matchmakers Predict Heartbreak on “Love Is Blind”
Sheena Holt

Sheena Holt

While singles everywhere know just how rough the dating scene can be, season 8 of “Love Is Blind” suggests that a dramatic overhaul of dating norms might not be all sunshine and rainbows. “Love Is Blind” couples are facing a boatload of issues within their relationships, from classic concerns about exes to financial differences.  The couples still have a ways to go before the altar, and any relationship...

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10.
An Alpha Wouldn’t Spare Emotion on a Woman – Really? Here’s What “Red Pill Men” Get Wrong
Hunt Ethridge

Hunt Ethridge

Quick admission, I am a study junkie. I love to read scientific studies. I’m a science dork, so I often read about new science, but I also want to keep educating myself about what’s going on with everyone, mentally and emotionally. I even have a podcast where I chat with the authors of these studies about what the information is and why it is important.   A few months ago, a study by Dr. Ian Zapcic came...

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11.
What Is Revenge Porn? Psychological & Legal Ramifications
Jules Chen

Jules Chen

If you’ve ever shared intimate photos with someone, you likely did so from a place of trust. Our partners are supposed to be our most reliable confidantes, and exchanging pics when you’re feeling yourself isn’t a crime as long as you’re both consenting adults. But your partner later distributing that content without your consent is a crime. Sexting has become a normal part of relationships, and a large percentage...

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12.
What Does “Love Bombing” Mean in the Dating Scene?
Emma Estrada

Emma Estrada

I didn’t think anything was wrong when he brought me a coffee. Or the next day when he brought me coffee and croissants and then stared deeply into my eyes for two whole minutes in silence.  I still didn’t think it was odd when I was sick and he brought me chicken soup and held my hand in public. But when he started opening up to me about how he’s been hurt in romantic relationships, how he struggles to be...

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13.
What Are Common Red Flags While Dating Someone?
Jules Chen

Jules Chen

In the dating scene, a red flag is a warning sign that the person you’re seeing may not be the best partner for a relationship. In fact, they could be downright toxic. Some red flags are personal and can change depending on preference.  For example, I’d be pretty turned off if I went on a date with someone who was rude to the waitstaff, but that behavior wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for everyone. A red flag...

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14.
What Is Cheating? Influencing Factors & Red Flags
Anggi Pradhini

Anggi Pradhini

Infidelity is a dirty secret that's not always so secret these days. You probably know at least one friend who has been cheated on. You might have seen the signs of cheating up close in your family or your relationship. And then you hear about yet another celebrity couple breaking up over a torrid affair – Hugh Jackman, why?! It’s enough to make you want to give up on love entirely, sometimes. Cheating means...

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15.
What Is Dating Safety? Tips for Staying Safe Online & Offline
Raegan Byers

Raegan Byers

In today’s digital world, connecting with like-minded singles is easier than ever. A Pew Research survey found 40% of people said they believe websites and apps have made it easier to date. I certainly count myself among them! I know of many couples who met through an app (shoutout to Hinge) and have swiping right to thank for their relationship or marriage. It’s truly impressive how much technology can connect us...

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16.
What Are Romance Scams: How to Recognize and Avoid Them
Cassey Ashley Sua

Cassey Ashley Sua

Scams are nothing new. We've all experienced it to some degree — from false advertising to random messages from Nigerian princes. The rise of online dating apps has also led to a rise in romance scams, which are essentially con jobs directed at singles hoping to connect for love. We’ve all heard about sneaky and unethical schemes where unsuspecting victims get their emotions and trust played. Devious digital...

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17.
What Is Blocking? How to Safely Remove Someone From Your Dating App Experience
Emma Estrada

Emma Estrada

If you’ve ever been in a sticky situation on a dating app, don’t want an awkward online run-in with an ex, or just need to get someone off your back, blocking may be the best option. Sure, it can seem scary, definitive, and maybe harsh, but sometimes it just needs to be done.  The biggest con of meeting people on dating apps is that you might run into some people you would never want to meet in your daily...

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18.
Behind the Catfish: Understanding Fake Profiles in Online Dating
Mackenzie Buck

Mackenzie Buck

What do MTV’s “Catfish,” “Gossip Girl,” and “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” have in common? They’re shows I hate-watched as a teenager. In their own unique and cringey ways, the stories were like car wrecks on the side of the highway: tragic, and impossible to look away from.  “Catfish” has stuck with me the most out of all because of its (for lack of a better word) realness.  I’m sure...

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19.
What Are Dating Dealbreakers? Understanding What Makes or Breaks Relationships
Emma Estrada

Emma Estrada

Everybody has things they can’t stand in a potential partner. On a first date, certain pet peeves may make you want to give up before you’ve even started. Sometimes, these red flags are hard to spot.  The significance of dating dealbreakers cannot be understated. If you can know your dealbreakers early on in the dating timeline, you’ll be better off down the line and more protected from getting hurt or...

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20.
What Does “Gaslighting” Mean in Relationships? Tactics, Blame, and Your Self-Esteem
Karen Belz

Karen Belz

"Gaslighting" is a popular term when it comes to relationship issues — but this buzzword can be misunderstood and misused. Gaslighting isn't merely lying to or disagreeing with a partner. Gaslighting is psychological manipulation meant to make someone doubt their life experiences and question their thoughts. It's a form of abuse that can lead to anxiety, depression, and extremely low self-esteem. The term...

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21.
What Is Catfishing?
Mackenzie Buck

Mackenzie Buck

If you’re reading this, you’re either a single person new to the world of online dating… or a very confused fisherman. To those who fall under the latter: We encourage you to continue in your Google search. To those who fall under the former: We’ve got the answers you seek, and they’re wrapped in a tiny, little digital bow ready to be delivered. What is a catfish? Where did the term come from? What should I know...

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22.
How to Spot a Narcissist Before You Fall in Love
Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

It seems that we have reached a point in history where the internet is obsessed with the idea of narcissists. Single people are told to beware of unfeeling narcissists lurking on dating apps and in bars and restaurants looking for vulnerable empaths upon which to unleash their weapons of love bombing and gaslighting. Hold up.  A person with a truly diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder is much more...

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23.
8 Dating Abuse Statistics & Resources[updated_month_year before=" (" after=")"]
Mackenzie Buck

Mackenzie Buck

Most of us want love. We want to feel connected, to be appreciated, and to be accepted for who we are. But the search for that love isn’t always fruitful — and can sometimes even be dangerous.  In fact, instances of dating abuse and domestic violence are more prevalent than you may think, making it vital to provide love-seeking singles with the important — albeit disturbing — facts.  Through our...

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24.
Doc Love Tips: Why You Cannot Forgive a Broken Date
Doc Love

Doc Love

I am going to get this out of the way right now: If she had a true emergency – or legitimately was ill – sure, you can forgive one broken date. You're not a monster, after all. But my dating advice for men is to think carefully about why a woman has broken a date and decide to hold higher standards for himself than being a backup date or a low-commitment plan. If You Truly Want to Go on a Date, You Usually...

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25.
Study: Is Online Dating Safe?[updated_month_year before=" (" after=" Statistics)"]
Tabitha Britt

Tabitha Britt

Online dating became the new normal during the COVID-19 pandemic. With strict stay-at-home orders, many singles grappled with feelings of loneliness, boredom, and a lack of attention, and they turned to dating apps and desktop sites to connect with others. According to the app's 2020 year-end report, Tinder broke its record for active swiping on March 29, 2020, with more than 3 billion swipes.1 Its competitors,...

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26.
Digital Security Experts Weigh in on Romance and Relationship Scams
Sheena Holt

Sheena Holt

The Short Version: Romance scams are on the rise, and they can come for anyone. CEO of Identity Theft Resource Center, Eva Velasquez, and Scam Survivors team members Wayne and Firefly spoke with us about the trend. These experts shared ways to spot a scam, how to protect yourself from a fraudster, and what to do if you find yourself victimized by a scam.  One day in college, I received a check in the mail for...

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27.
Don’t Fall Victim to Online Dating Scammers: Spot the Warning Signs
Doc Love

Doc Love

You know the old saying: If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I remember a story from years back when I was talking to a guy who was excited about the new lady he had met online. I always like to celebrate dating success, so I was intrigued to hear his story. I got more than a story. I got an earful. He proceeded to show me photos of a woman from a few states away that was obviously much younger...

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28.
The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre Combats Crime in the Online Dating Scene
Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

The Short Version: The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre is a helpful index with detailed information about fraud detection, fraud prevention, and fraud recovery. Its resources can support online daters as they wade into the swiping scene and meet new people both online and offline. How do you know if a dating profile is legit? What do you do if you see suspicious activity? The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre offers clear...

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29.
20 Modern Dating Definitions Singles Should Know
Julie Spira

Julie Spira

Dating has become rather complicated these days. Between an ever-growing list of dating terms and new pandemic dating trends, it’s hard to keep up with all the dating terminology. To ease the confusion, here’s a list of some of the latest dating trends. 1. Benching In sports (as in love), when someone’s playing the field, it means they’re not focusing on one person at a time. If someone is benching you, it means...

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30.
7 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Keep Picking the Wrong Partners
Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

The definition of the phrase “wrong partner” may vary, but it commonly includes personality traits and relationship ingredients that leave you feeling dissatisfied, anxious, angry, fearful, or drained. When dating the wrong person, you may feel apprehensive about being yourself, sharing your perspective, and bringing up difficult topics (often out of fear). You may find that your partner is possessive,...

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Amber Brooks

By: Amber Brooks

Editor-in-Chief

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at DatingAdvice.com. When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to DatingAdvice.com. She has been quoted by the Washington Times, Cosmopolitan, The New York Post, and AskMen, among others.

See Amber's full bio »

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