For the study, Russell Clayton, of the University of Missouri, Alexander Nagurney, an instructor at the University of Hawaii at Hilo and Jessica R. Smith, a doctoral student at St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, surveyed Facebook users aged 18 to 82 about their use on the social media site and its impact on romantic relationships.

The goal was to find out which type of conflicts arose over Facebook, how often and how they were resolved.

What they discovered was high usage of Facebook is a significant predictor of conflict, as well as negative outcomes including infidelity, separation or divorce.

“High usage of Facebook is a significant

predictor of negative outcomes like infidelity.”

“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy,” Clayton said.

The study shows the results were particularly apparent among new couples.

“This suggests that Facebook may be a threat to relationships that are not fully matured,” he said.

Jealously was found to a recurring issue of conflict reportedly among all users, but especially participants who are heavy users.

“Facebook-induced jealousy may lead to arguments concerning past partners,” Clayton said. “Also, our study found that excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners.”

Source: Phys.org. Photo source: techgig.com.

Are you kidding me? Do you guys realize that anything you post on Twitter or Facebook is public knowledge?

Think about it:

You meet somebody. You become obsessed with them. They’re not responding to you the way you want.

Then you think to yourself, “You know what, I’m going to tweet stuff. I’m going to post on Facebook. They’re going to read my updates, and then they’re going to think to themselves, ‘Yeah, I need to treat this person better, or I need to pay him more attention.’”

Whatever you put out there on public space can be seen by future girlfriends. The more you put out there that’s crazy, the more people are going to think you’re crazy.

“You don’t want to give anybody ammunition

for something you did two years ago.”

Your private life is your private life.

If you want something from somebody, you need to go and talk to them. If you want someone to change their behavior, you need to communicate with THEM.

You don’t tweet it and you don’t Facebook it. You don’t put it out there on any of these social media sites.

If you have an issue with somebody you’re dating, text them and arrange a face-to-face conversation. Sit down and talk to them. Don’t ever get into a text argument.

Why? Because a text argument can be kept, passed along and found somewhere again.

The more you post in public, the greater chance it’s going to come back to haunt you in the future.

Just look at some of the crazy shit celebrities like Amanda Bynes are putting out there! They’re just like you and me.

The problem is their tweets are read by seven million followers, and now the whole world knows Amanda Bynes’ vagina wants to be murdered.

In all seriousness, keep everything private and you’ll find your life is so much easier.

Remember, when you put all this stuff in public, guess who else can see it besides future mates? Future employers, future mother-in-laws, future father-in-laws, etc.

You don’t want to create controversy.

You don’t want to give anybody ammunition to gun you for something you did two years ago when you were drunk and pissed off at somebody.

I’ve always said life is about moving forward. Your past will always come back to haunt you.

In our media-obsessed, Google-obsessed, Twitter- and Facebook-obsessed world, it’s crazy to think it won’t.

Have you guys ever posted anything or text anything that came back to haunt you? Let me know. I’d love to hear about it.

Photo source: brazencareerist.com.

New research finds people have difficultly creating a post-breakup social media strategy.

Presented at the CHI 2013 conference in Paris, the research was led by University of California psychology professor Steve Whittaker and University of Lancaster professor Corina Sas.

Interviews were conducted with 24 participants aged 19 to 34 who self-identified as active users of multiple technologies for both work and leisure.

Half of the 24 respondents indicated they would delete old photos of exes following a split. Of the remaining 12, eight said they would keep all digital photos afterward.

The final four indicated only holding onto “treasured” items from the relationship.

“Social media users have difficultly

creating a post-breakup strategy.”

“I think that we were just surprised by the amount of digital content relating the relationships, in addition to Facebook,” Whittaker said. “You have stuff that relates to that person all over your digital devices.”

The report recommends people create a “Pandora’s Box” to hold all digital possessions until such time as they no longer cause pain or sadness.

Whittaker said Facebook can be an especially difficult experience as users watch a former partner move ahead without them.

He said he plans to expand his research to explore how divorce or differing cultures impact online behaviors. Social media is presenting a unique set of circumstances to separating couples, often dividing online friendships like a record collection.

“You can unfriend your ex, but also you have to make a decision about how much of their social network you want to rip out,” Whittaker said. “The problem is that they might be your friends, too. Then you transform your social network in a major way.”

Source: The University of California at Santa Cruz. Photo source: salon.com.

Facebook is where you let everyone know your relationship status. Facebook may be how you met your partner.

Facebook is also where you document the milestones of your relationship, and Facebook is increasingly cited in modern divorce papers.

It should come as no surprise that Facebook plays a heavy hand in the social roles of post-breakups, too.

In the old days, you had to try to run into your ex while at your familiar haunts. Now you just post your noise to Facebook.

So for those of you that play out your lives and love lives on Facebook, you often see residual things from breakups there, too.

When you remain “friends” with your ex, it means they can keep tabs on you.

They can see who you’re going out with and what you’re doing. Often they may reach out in the form of likes on your pictures or your statuses.

And it’s no surprise it messes with your mind. You ask yourself, “What does this mean? Do they still love me? Are they trying to get me back?”

There are a few possibilities here.

1. They still care.

Relationships exist because of feelings. If you had a relationship with this person, feelings were involved to some extent.

Just because the relationship ends doesn’t mean feelings immediately end, too.

The relationship ending meant you couldn’t have a romantic future together.

If they are “liking” your statuses and what not, this may be their way of expressing that they still care about you in some capacity and take interest in your life, despite the fact you’ve established an ending to your romantic nature.

2. They want you back.

It’s important not to confuse that someone “may still care” with them wanting you back.

They are two separate entities. If you assume one means the other, you’re setting yourself up for some emotional trauma.

Now it’s true your ex may be trying to relight the fire. They may be trying to use a simple like to start getting you to rethink about your separation. They may hope the like starts getting the ball rolling again.

“Most often the Facebook like allows your ex

to keep one foot in and one foot out.”

3. They are keeping their hat in the ring.

People are rarely black and white and romantic feelings in relationships muddy the decision-making powers of people more than anything else.

Most often the Facebook like is serving as an indecisive digital pop stand allowing your ex to keep one foot in and one foot out of having a role in your life.

It’s a simple way for your ex to remind you of them — to keep their person in your mind.

They may not be sure what they want from you. Maybe it’s a future booty call to combat a lonely night, or maybe it’s because their life is chaos right now and they are hoping to get back together in the future.

You don’t know and they don’t even know. It’s a way for them to non-threateningly assert themselves into the current happenings of your life in which they no longer exist.

4. It’s just a like.

There’s the chance this like means nothing, literally nothing, to the state of your relationship.

They may just like whatever your post was regardless of its relation to you.

Unfortunately, not everything has to mean something. Maybe your burrito pic just really looked that good.

If you’re sure your relationship should be a closed door and in your past, and the occasional Facebook like has you wondering what’s going on, then you need to unfriend and secure your privacy settings because ain’t nobody got time for that.

If you don’t care, then you don’t care and carry on.

If you yourself are unsure of where you and your ex stand, then by all means take the Facebook like out of your relationship decision making.

It’s weak and should in no way serve as the indicator of the future path of your relationship.

See what other things your ex is willing to communicate in terms of reigniting. If they aren’t, then you need to question why you think they make such a great partner.

Do you stay Facebook friends with your exes? Is it a good or bad idea?

Photo source: dapazze.com.

A new study finds the more past romantic relationships a person has, the more interests they list on their Facebook profile.

Conducted by researchers from Western Illinois and Cornell Universities, the study found relationships breed new and sustaining interests with each new partner.

Involving 276 respondents, each answered a series of questions on past relationships and social media activity. A subset of 149 participants were given questions about current romantic partners.

“The more past relationships a person has,

the more interests they list on Facebook.”

Soon to be published in the July 2013 issue of Computers in Human Behavior, the study was authored by WIU assistant professor Christopher Carpenter and Erin Spottswood, of Cornell University.

Carpenter, a member of the university’s communications department, studies human interaction on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, which he said offer a unique window in our lives.

“When we develop a relationship with someone, we take on some of their interests and traits and, in many cases, hang on to them long after we break up,” he said. “Facebook offered a unique way of examining the extent to which those traces of past relationships remain in our profiles.”

Carpenter received considerable media attention last year for a study that explored a “dark side” of Facebook. That study compared Facebook activity with narcissistic or antisocial indicators.

“We can see how often people interact with their romantic partners on Facebook,” he said. “We can’t follow people around with a tape recorder getting a record of what they say all day. Facebook, on the other hand, offers us the chance to see one part of that record.”

Source: Western Illinois University. Photo source: telegraph.co.uk.

Hey, if you are reading this, you are on a computer and more than likely you have messages coming at you from emails, blogs, social media and all the other forms of digital communication.

Social media in regards to dating.

More than likely you have a dating profile on one (or more) of the many wonderful dating sites available. If you have these available to you, so do your potential dates.

At some time (and more than likely after reading this), you will have Googled your name to see what comes up.

Everything is there to be found, and depending on your security settings, anyone can see what – and who – you’ve been up to.

When you are in the dating zone, you have to be careful, and I don’t just mean meeting in a public place.

I had a client at the start of last year who’d been through the dating process.

He had a couple of years of being free and easy, not wanting to commit to anyone.

He just wanted fun. In fairness, many of us have done this.

Interestingly, my client had taken a more public approach to his exploits.

Each encounter was photographed and reviewed on a blog, as you would with a novel on Amazon.

He set up his blog to share with his friends, but what he thought was a fun hobby came back to haunt him eventually.

Because he’d gone through so many men, his friends had shared the website with other friends, and word of mouth resulted in more and more people following his exploits. His dating pool increased with the posts on his website.

After a few years and a few job changes that had moved him out of the area, my client eventually returned to his city and was finally in the relationship zone.

He’d got the serial sexual adventures out of his system and wanted to commit. He thought he’d found “The One,” until his boyfriend Googled his name and the review site came up.

It caused a lot of issues, and ultimately the relationship ended as the boyfriend didn’t want to be considered a notch on the bedpost.

My client has now taken the site down. (He hadn’t left it up intentionally. He’d just moved on and it had become a distant memory.)

“What you wrote may have been appropriate

at the time, but now it may be toxic.”

So when you are dating, check the following:

1. Facebook/Twitter feeds and photographs are appropriate.

Yes, you may have a past, but if the pictures are proudly displayed on your profile, it may cause insecurities which can make a relationship falter.

The untag button is your friend!

2. Blogging.

If you have a blog, review the posts, especially if you are waxing lyrically about a previous partner and how much you love them.

Similarly, watch out for posts on how much you hate your ex. Neither of these are friendly to your dating life.

3. Journals and photo albums used to be private.

Now (through convenience or laziness) they are online.

While what you wrote or photographed may have been appropriate at the the time, now it may be toxic or make you look stupid.

We’ve all made decisions we’re not proud of and we can share these with a new partner. However, wouldn’t you prefer it to be when you want to share it?

In short, make sure all your social media is friendly to your dating life.

Fellas, in what ways do you keep social media from affecting your dating life?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

Researchers at the University of Cambridge found they were able to determine a user’s sexual orientation, gender, IQ, political and religious beliefs and substance use with 80 percent accuracy.

The study reviewed 55,814 user “Likes” and used this data to make startlingly accurate predictions about each user’s personality traits and personal orientations.

For example, researchers were able to determine each user’s sexual orientation with 75 to 88 percent accuracy, gender with 93 percent accuracy and relationship status with 65 percent accuracy.

“Researchers were able to determine sexual

orientation with 75-88 percent accuracy.”

Interestingly enough, researchers found it was easier to accurately predict male sexual orientation than female sexual orientation.

Researchers predicted political and religious affiliation with 82 to 85 percent accuracy and race with 95 percent accuracy.

The study ultimately notes this predictive power may hold true for a wide range of online activity tracking, not just Facebook “Likes.”

“Similarity between Facebook Likes and other widespread kinds of digital records, such as browsing histories, search queries or purchase histories, suggest that the potential to reveal users’ attributes is unlikely to be limited to Likes,” researchers said. “Moreover, the wide variety of attributes predicted in this study indicates that, given appropriate training data, it may be possible to reveal other attributes as well.”

Source: Pnas.org. Photo source: npr.org.

I started worrying my fiance didn’t want me anymore. I saw him talking to this girl on Facebook that has the same name as me. So I thought it would be a genius idea to hack into his account and message her.

Come to find out they have known each other for years and years. She told him about it and he has every right to be mad. He has told me he wants to work it out. I don’t know how to regain his trust and show him I will never do anything like that again.

Can you help?

-Sara (West Virginia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh dear, Sara. You’ve got yourself in quite a pickle. You didn’t trust him, so you behaved in an untrustworthy manner yourself.

I’m happy to hear he is man enough to want to work it out, but you’ve got to work on containing yourself. Being sneaky about threats of abandonment is no way to start a marriage.

Talk things out. Ask yourself if your feelings of jealousy are related to a real threat or your own anxiety. I know it can be hard to tell sometimes. Usually people who fear abandonment tend to be attracted to people who activate their fears.

Take the time to grow a mutual trust. And no more Facebook stalking. It will make you nuts!

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

A new study found one in three people leave the site feeling worse than they felt before logging on.

Researchers looked at the social networking behaviors, and subsequent emotional reactions, of 600 people and noted negative reactions revolved around an experience of envy “leaving them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry.”

Viewing other people’s successful professional and romantic lives triggered negative responses, as did direct comparisons of on-site social activity (including “likes” and wall posts left by others).

“Viewing other people’s successful professional

and romantic lives triggered negative responses.”

Individuals also reported feeling envy when viewing other people’s vacation pictures, which accounted for more than half of all negative social networking reactions.

The study found individuals who browse Facebook without contributing are most likely to feel the site’s potentially negative effects.

The study’s authors reported:

“Passive following triggers invidious emotions, with users mainly envying happiness of others, the way others spend their vacations and socialize.”

Researchers found the primary sources of envy on Facebook depended a lot on the depressed user’s gender, with men experiencing greater frustration over their “friends” career accomplishments and women feeling greater negative emotions surrounding other people’s looks and social experiences.

Source: Humboldt University and Darmstadt’s Technical University. Photo source: digitaltrends.com.

The study found individuals report lower levels of intimacy and relationship satisfaction when their partner shares a lot of their life on their Facebook wall than if their partner used the social media service sparingly.

“We found that contrary to the research on offline self-disclosure, which shows that more offline disclosure leads to higher intimacy and relationship satisfaction between both romantic couples and friends, online self-disclosure was negatively associated with intimacy and satisfaction between couples,” said researcher Juwon Lee.

“Greater usage of Facebook predicted lower

satisfaction in romantic relationships.”

Lee and colleagues found greater usage of Facebook predicted lower satisfaction in romantic relationships but not in friendships.

Researchers created two mock Facebook walls: one with high levels of self-disclosure (personal pictures and personal status updates) and one with low levels of self-disclosure (neutral status updates).

Participants were asked to imagine one of the walls was their partner’s, and then researchers measured the participants’ relationship intimacy and satisfaction.

Those whose partners were assigned Facebook walls with high levels of self-disclosure reported less intimacy and satisfaction with their relationships compared to those with the neutral walls.

“Disclosing a high degree of personal information online, regardless of whether or not the information is related to your partner or relationship, will likely negatively affect your romantic relationship,” Lee said.

Source: EurkeAlert.org. Photo source: sheknows.com.