One day goes by. Two days go by. Then a week goes by. No word from this man who you couldn’t wait to see again.

You start overanalyzing, making up stories of what could have happened, and you might even reach out to get his attention.

Why didn’t he call?

One of the advantages of being a matchmaker and dating coach to thousands of men and women is I am able to really find out answers to that question.

I have determined there are common reasons why men may crawl into their dark, silent cave after one date.

1. He’s just not that attracted to you.

Although you may have really liked him and felt the chemistry, it is possible that quite simply he didn’t feel the same way and you misread or overlooked signals.

Many guys report they didn’t find a woman attractive due to the way she looked, the way she acted or things that were said on that first date that turned them off.

Basically, it’s important to pay attention to three signals: nonverbal gestures, verbal indicators and follow-up action.

Nonverbal signals like eye contact, touching and smiling can indicate attraction.

Also, notice what he says to you, such as giving compliments, talking about future plans with you and showing genuine interest in what you are saying.

Finally, men will show passion in seeing you again usually right away with a call, text or email.

“You want a man who shows

passion toward seeing you again.”

2. He’s dating someone else.

The guy may have really liked you, but there might be other women or another special someone in the picture.

It’s hard to really know after one date if the man is seeing other people unless he’s upfront about it.

Regardless if he is or not, it’s best to have fun and focus on an amazing date with you rather than asking a million questions about other women.

This ultimately can cause the man to feel pressured and he will run for the hills.

3. Timing is off.

He may really like you, but the time is not right.

Perhaps he just ended a long relationship and isn’t ready for what you are looking for.

It could also be he is under a great amount of stress or financial hardship, so he doesn’t feel worthy or ready for a relationship at this time.

Whatever the reason for his silence, the important thing to keep in mind is he’s probably not right for YOU at this moment.

You want a man who wants and shows passion toward seeing you again, so stay focused on you and date others.

If he really wants to come out of his cave and get you, he will!

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And things sure have changed since the last time you met single women and went on dates.

Sure, some things remain the same. There is still the social etiquette the man pays for the dates – certainly the first date.

However, some things are very different.

When you last went on a date, it might have been when the current scene was pushing for women to be more sensitive and open up more in early dates.

There was almost a push for being super open from the get-go.

However, since your senior lady date is a complete stranger, no matter how lovely she is, I recommend keeping the topics light.

1. Do not discuss your divorce.

While some modern women will inquire about how your marriage ended, it really is too soon to divulge such personal information.

Wait until you two have been on a few dates and you’re investigating exclusivity and a relationship together before doing so.

“To speak negatively of another

woman is off-putting to your date.”

2. Do not discuss your children.

Of course it is fine to mention them in a general way: “I just sent my youngest off to college in September. Now I really think I’m ready to date again.”

However, avoid discussing them and your custody with them with a woman on a first date.

Save those discussions for the woman you want a relationship with.

3. Do not diss your ex-wife.

Sure, you’re no longer married to her for good reason. However, to speak negatively of another woman at the very first meeting is off-putting to your lady date.

She might get the wrong impression that you carry a grudge or hostility toward women.

What topics do you avoid on a baby boomer first date? Leave your comments below!

Photo source: seniorreport.com.

Motivated singles want to date other quality singles.

How you show up dressed for your first date communicates this immediately to your mature date.

Are you sending the right signals to him?

Whatever your politics may be, I have to cite Hillary Clinton for making it absolutely OK for women to wear pant suits in the professional sphere of our lives.

Modern women love to wear pants and be comfortable. Wearing dress slacks is great when you’re at the office.

However, when you’re meeting that great guy for the first time on your first date, you want to leave your business look at the office.

Instead, I recommend my baby boomer clients wear a dress or skirt on the first date.

Why? Does it really make a difference? Can’t you just wear what’s comfortable for you?

Of course, if you are a woman who does not even own a dress or skirt and you always wear pants, please remain true to yourself and wear your nicest slacks on your first dates.

However, for the rest of you who own and wear skirts and dresses, wear a fun, feminine frock on your first dates.

“By emphasizing your womanliness, you contrast

the differences between you and your date.”

Attraction for men is mainly physical.

Whatever attraction he feels for you, he will feel it in the opening moments when he sees you face to face.

When he first meets you in person, you want to aim to accentuate your femininity.

By wearing a skirt or dress, you emphasize you are a woman and doing that turns up the volume on chemistry!

By emphasizing your womanliness, you contrast the differences between you and your date. That accentuates the chemistry between you two!

Wear a dress or skirt that has a little movement to it, perhaps with pleats or a little flounce. Having your skirt swish about is fun and flirty.

Use it as flirtation prop when you are seated talking with your date and turn up the romantic physical chemistry and attraction.

What is your favorite first date look to wear that always gets you asked out on a second date?

Photo source: cloudfront.net.

This has often been a controversial subject among gay men, with opinions being  split right down the middle.

There’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer, as these types of scenarios are rarely ever black and white.

The decision to “hit the sheets” after having a superb first date before the night is over is a personal one, fraught with uncertainty about the impact that being intimate so soon after meeting can affect the potential for securing a second date and beyond.

The good and the bad.

Before reaching that point of no return, it’s important to conduct an evaluation or a cost/benefit analysis of both the positive and negative ramifications of such an action.

It’s also important to weigh this dilemma against your personal values system and determine if being sexual early in the game is in alignment with your vision of what you’re looking for.

Obviously, being intimate early on allows one to “sample the goods” and determine if there is a sexual compatibility present as you continue the screening process about your dating prospect.

Not to mention, it’s a great way to end a magical night if you’re both feeling it because it’s fun.

“If you decide to get naked, be mindful

of the pleasures AND the risks.”

Some men may also do this for fear the other guy may not be interested in them moving forward if they don’t “put out.” Yikes! What does that tell you about him?!

Or they may think their sexual talents may help “seal the deal” and keep the other guy around.

However, both of these latter reasons are indicative of insecurity and not usually a healthy rationale.

Holding off.

Though not a popular decision, especially when the chemistry between the two of you is so strong, another option is to hold off on sex for later on down the road (or at least not on the first date).

The benefit with this is you can see if the guy is into you for you.

If a guy is really only after a “trick,” the likelihood of his coming back for multiple dates and engaging in a courtship process is low because he’s not looking for companionship.

By staving off on sex early on in a dating relationship, you’ll be more able to gauge whether his interest in you is truly on the up and up.

Additionally, having sex prematurely before you’ve had a chance to develop a foundation for a relationship makes commitment more shaky because there’s less of an attachment built up between the two of you and less history and investment available to ride out the inevitable storm of conflict that always shows up at some point between a couple.

Neither option is better or worse than the other.

However, it is important to do your due diligence and determine what your needs and priorities are for love.

If you opt to hold off, a good old make-out session is always hot, not to mention nurturing the sexual tension to its boiling point.

If you decide to get naked, be mindful of the pleasures AND the risks, and even though it’s a “buzz kill,” communicate your concerns to your partner before proceeding.

You’ll likely learn a lot about his intentions and concerns this way as well. And play responsibly!

What are your thoughts on this ongoing debate about whether to have sex on the first date? What experiences have you had with this?

Photo source: corbisimages.com.

You invested in great photographs. You plunked down your hard-earned cash and invested further in yourself by paying the membership fees at one of the better senior online dating sites.

You searched for great potential dates. You were proactive about communicating with the other attractive singles at the mature dating sites.

And now you two have agreed you want to meet for an in-person first date.

Don’t blow it all now by not knowing how long a first date should be.

Sure, we’ve all heard some stories of awesome and amazing first dates that led to major romance where that date lasted for hours.

However, to tell the truth, that is a romantic Hollywood notice. You don’t want to let all the fizz out of the bottle by having your first date last too long.

It’s better to flirt and keep it a little bit short, but not too short, and agree to meet for a second date than to have that first date go on for hours.

“The goal of a first date is

simply to flirt and connect.”

It’s just 60 minutes.

I recommend a guideline for first dates to last about one hour.

Sure, it’s OK if it goes on a bit longer, maybe up to about 75 minutes. However, be wary of allowing it to last much longer than the 75-minute mark.

You might be thinking you two are getting along great and the conversation is just flowing fantastically, but then you find that because the two of you revealed so much of yourselves to each other too fast and too quickly, you doused the little ember of romantic spark between you two.

Remember, this person is in many ways still a complete stranger. It’s better to allow your connection to build more naturally and organically over time than to cover too much too quickly.

The goal of a first date is simply to flirt and connect and get to a great second date!

In what ways do you keep your baby boomer first dates from lasting too long? Your comments are more than welcome!

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The mystery and intrigue of the unknown makes those first encounters with a dating prospect exhilarating and full of possibility.

But what do you do when you soon discover during your meeting with him that he’s not really boyfriend material?

This scenario is one of those dating dilemmas that is often mishandled, and it’s important to approach these potentially awkward and difficult moments with savvy.

In hearing the woes of many a single gay man in regards to this situation, all too often it appears many men say they’ll call, but they don’t and disappear.

Or they make it known they’re not interested in such a way that it comes across as callous and hurtful.

Both methods, unintentional or not, are cruel and insensitive.

So how does one go about this delicate act while preserving one’s integrity and being kind and gentle with one’s fellow gay compatriot?

1. Dating requires maturity and skill in social etiquette.

Therefore, it’s important to be honest and upfront with direct and assertive communication.

Just because you’re afraid of hurting his feelings or don’t want to put forth the effort, it is no excuse for stringing someone along.

If you have no intention of going out with him again, be straight up about it and don’t tell him you’ll be in touch with him again.

Nothing can be more agonizing than believing someone is interested in you and never hearing from them again. It’s disrespectful and cowardice. People deserve the truth.

“Our society has begun to lose that ‘human touch’

and it’s important that we preserve good manners.”

2. Your delivery is important.

It’s not only about what you say, but how you say it. Make sure your body language is open and warm.

Be brief, to the point and non-defensive. There’s no need to belabor it or go into lengthy discussions about “why.”

Thank him for the time spent, and a handshake or quick hug can be a nice gesture.

3. Some possible closing lines might be:

• “I had a really nice time and it was great meeting you. I’m feeling more of a friendship vibe and would like to hang out sometime if you’re game.” (This is only if you truly feel this way and are committed to following through.)
• “I don’t think we’re compatible for a relationship.”
• “Thanks for meeting with me. I don’t think we’d be a match, but I enjoyed this and want to wish you well.”

In our technology-based world, our society has begun to lose that “human touch” and it’s important that we preserve good manners.

We need to be kinder to each other in the gay community and develop greater empathy and compassion.

What are some closing lines you have given or received on a first date (or subsequent) to signal a lack of interest in continuing? What was the response? What other ideas or suggestions do you have?

Photo source: naolito.com.

A first date sets the tone for an entire relationship. If it doesn’t go right, it’s going to be harder to get subsequent dates to go the way you want them to.

If it’s a smash hit, the rest of your dates are going to be a lot easier and will go a lot smoother.

Still, it’s hard to know if your first date went well, so I came up with this handy guide.

1. Body language.

At The Art of Charm, we’re huge believers in the idea body language is going to tell you way more than verbal language ever will.

Ask yourself questions while you’re on the date about her body language. For example, did she sit close to you? Did you two touch at all? Was her body angled toward you or away from you?

This will tell you a lot more about whether or not she had a good time than anything she’ll say to you.

2. Laughter tells you everything.

When it comes to a first date, the best indicator of whether or not she had a good time is whether or not she was laughing.

A woman who doesn’t laugh a lot on a date might have had a good time, but a woman who does laugh a lot definitely had a good time.

“If she talks about specific parts of the

date, you’ve really got something.”

3. How’s the conversation?

Another great way to tell if she had a good time on her date is how the conversation flowed.

When two people who don’t know each other very well get together, the conversation can be strained. However, as the two of you spend more time together, the conversation should start going a little easier.

If it doesn’t, things probably didn’t go very well. Whether or not you two can carry on a conversation is one of the main things that will tell you whether or not she wants another date.

4. Communication after the date.

There are two parts to after-date communication: Her contacting you and her responding to your attempts to contact her.

Let’s start with the former.

If she contacts you and doesn’t say much other than, “I had a great time,” that means she didn’t actually have a great time.

If she messages you with, “I had a great time. Let’s do that again,” that’s a slightly better sign.

If she texts you and says, “I had a great time last night. Let’s do something next week,” you’re getting warmer.

If she sends you a longer message that talks about specific parts of the date, now you’ve really got something.

Now let’s talk about your attempts to contact her.

The rule of thumb is if you make three attempts at communication with no response, she’s ducking your calls. This also applies to responses that are only her telling you how busy she is – no one is that busy.

5. Your job: follow up.

As a man, it’s your responsibility to follow up after a date. The male role is one of pursuit and initiation. It’s her job to put the brakes on things.

The day after a date, send her a quick email telling her you had a great time and you want to do it again. Use the email as an opportunity to suggest possible second dates.

If she’s hesitant, you know things didn’t go great. If she’s interested, you know they did.

What’s the ultimate test of whether or not a first date went well? You get a second one.

How do you know when the first date went well?

Photo source: photos-public-domain.com.

Although some relationships do last, whether or not you sleep with someone on the first date, Dating with Dignity has a few smart reasons not to do it.

1. A test.

Waiting to sleep with someone is kind of a loose “test” to see if you have the values your date is looking for.  

If you have any interest beyond simply sleeping with someone, waiting until you get to know them a wee bit better is certainly going to work in your favor.

Men actually like a challenge. The pursuit to sleep with a girl is directly linked to their idea of romantic potential!

Plus, if your date disappears after you don’t sleep together, you probably weren’t looking for the same thing anyway.

Waiting creates anticipation, and the good guys will hang around.

Remember you don’t ever “owe” him anything, no matter how much dough he spent on dinner!

“If you get intimate slowly over time, you really

get to know each other in an authentic way.”

2. Emotional and physical feelings.

You allow your emotional feelings to catch up with your physical feelings.

So you’re on the first date and it’s the BEST first date you’ve been on. Sparks are flying and you are thinking you may just go home with him. He’s so hot!

But wait and remember this: You don’t even know where he lives. You also don’t know what his brother’s name is or when the last time he had a girlfriend was.

You might know if he has a roommate because he just told you five seconds ago, but you basically only have skeletal knowledge of this guy’s life.

And you should know a whole lot more before you hop into bed with someone you want to get to know long term.

Good things come to those who wait! High levels of physical chemistry are awesome, but so are high levels of liking each other and getting to know each other.

Get to form some thoughts about his college major and a real opinion about what he thinks of global warming before you get to know his naked self. And let him do the same!

So often we fall for the potential of someone based on a physical connection rather than collecting data about who he really is so we can making a calm, conscious choice.

3. You now get to set the pace of the relationship.

If you sleep with a guy on the first date, you’ve probably lost the ability to control the speed at which your relationship progresses.

In the event you do sleep with him, he may think it’s likely you do this with every guy you go on a first date with – in which case, the pace could lead to the finish line right away.

The result? Game over and he may never call you again.

If you slow it down and get intimate slowly over time, you really get to know each other in an authentic way.

Plus, once you hit the sheets, the days of lingering over coffee and dessert, walks on the beach and talking until three in the morning will most likely end.

Instead, you will be doing the deed day and night. And, if he is really “The One,” why end the delicious experience of making out like teenagers that typically ends once you have sex?

Most important, if he is interested, although he will probably still be trying to get in your pants (we are all animals after all,) he will probably also be trying to get into your heart.

What ways do you keep a date exciting without having sex on the first date?

Photo source: singleblackmale.org.

He’s a fantastic uncle to her kids, he feeds the homeless on Wednesday nights, and he’s a perfect gentleman to friends, co-workers and even strangers.

He exercises regularly, eats healthy and has no criminal record (that should give him 50 bonus points right there).

All in all, he’s a good guy except for one thing: He’s nervous around women.

Maybe he had a traumatic event in his childhood, or maybe he was rejected by a girl which left a sting.

The thing is, now he’s a bad dater. Chances are, he would make a great boyfriend, but he can never get past the first date.

There are so many ways a guy can bungle a date.

Maybe his head is filled with what the media says is romance and he acts like a goofy character in a romantic comedy.

Maybe he thinks looks and money are what matters, so he takes every opportunity to show it with lavish gifts.

Maybe he thinks men have to be the “bad boy” to get the girl, only he gets it wrong and ends up repelling women.

Maybe the guy thinks he needs to be a comedy legend and acts like a mixture of every comedian in history (or worse, Uncle Joey from “Full House”).

Maybe they act too nervous, which signals to a woman that when life gets tough, he’ll crumble and fold, so she can’t trust him.

These days, confidence is the determining factor between those in a relationship and those who are perpetually single. And yet, there are so many men with confidence who are total jerks.

Is confidence really a sign of good character? After all, most criminal sociopaths sitting in Pelican Bay think very highly of themselves.

“Character is a reflection of what a

person does, not what a person says.”

Is this confidence or arrogance? What’s the difference?

Confidence is being comfortable in your own skin and not wanting to trade it. It’s a belief in oneself and one’s powers and abilities.

If you’re confident, you know you’re good enough, but you don’t have to prove it.

Arrogance, on the other hand, means you have everything to prove.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, arrogance is an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

Imagine the players who have loads of confidence. These are the guys juggling two, three, four or even five girls at any given time.

These are the guys oozing confidence, and yet, they regularly blow off dates. They ring at the last minute for booty calls. They romance women into bed and don’t ever call back.

Basically, their actions don’t match their words. With these guys, if the world doesn’t respond the way they want it to, watch out.

Then there are the stand-up guys who lack confidence with women. They see the players in action, and their arrogance, and want no part of it.

They do want to be successful with women, but they don’t want to compromise and stoop to that level.

The stink of it is, they don’t see any other option, so they’d rather stay nervous and afraid rather than become a total dick.

Maybe they’re nervous about the little margin of error they get, so they overthink every decision on the date, thus costing them the moment.

It might be one of these things or a combination of these things.

The man’s character shouldn’t be called into question.

Character is a reflection of what a person does, not what a person says.

Maybe they are the type of guy who would help an old lady across the street. Maybe they pick up trash form the sidewalk. Maybe they speak up when they see injustice, or maybe they have a good heart and believe in the golden rule.

Whatever it is, just like Stacey’s brother, they’re all-around good guys…but they’re just a little shy or nervous when it comes to dating.

But these are the guys who just might make great boyfriends.

For all the women who say, “There are no good men out there,” could it be that great guys exist, but they are trapped in first date or bad daters hell?

Photo source: rawstory.com.