A new study looked at 88 opposite-sex pairs of friends and found men were far more likely to view their female friends as potential romantic partners than vice versa.

Not only are men likely to view their female friends as potential romantic partners, they are also likely to believe their female friends share their unspoken romantic desires – a point that clashes with data suggesting most women really do see their male friends as nothing more than “just friends.”

“Men more commonly saw opposite-sex attraction

as a potentially positive benefit to friendship.”

While both men and women are both likely to acknowledge the “hotness” of their attractive friends, men are far more likely to consider their “taken” female friends as potential romantic partners than women, who were more likely to respect the boundaries of their male friend’s relationships, even if they find that male friend highly attractive.

Furthermore, men more commonly saw opposite-sex attraction as a potentially positive benefit to opposite-sex friendship, while women more commonly saw opposite-sex attraction as a potentially negative benefit to opposite-sex friendship.

So can men and women be “just friends”? This report suggests it’s highly unlikely, as men and women seem to hold wildly different views on what being “just friends” actually means.

Source: ScientificAmerican.com via Yahoo.com. Photo source: storage.canoe.ca

A recent online survey, conducted by Harvard researcher Justin Lehmiller, questioned 376 people on their dating and sex lives, approximately half of whom were in traditional monogamous relationships and the other half engaging in a casual friends-with-benefits relationship with at least one person.

While neither group reported perfect condom use, those in casual relationships were far more likely to use condoms when they had sex than those in monogamous relationships.

“Though friends-with-benefits couples use condoms

more often, they are more likely to have multiple partners.”

However, Lehmiller cautioned that increased condom use among casual relationships didn’t necessarily make those relationships healthier. While individuals in casual relationships may use condoms more often, they’re unlikely to use condoms all the time. Considering the fact people in casual relationships are far less likely to be monogamous than people in traditional relationships, Lehmiller concluded, “Larger numbers of partners, combined with far-from-perfect condom use and limited discussion about sexual health matters, suggest that [friends-with-benefits relationships] carry some inherent degree of risk.”

Lehmiller also noted his research suggested that individuals in casual relationships indicated lower degrees of sexual satisfaction and less communication regarding sex between partners than individuals in traditional relationships. Furthermore, Lehmiller suggested less frequent condom usage between partners in a traditional relationship is due to increased trust levels more than a decreased sense of responsibility.

Photo source: guim.co.uk

Don’t go into such an arrangement thinking, somewhere in the back of your mind, that you can leverage this sexual tryst into a loving relationship.

Be prepared and willing to be hurt and/or to hurt the friend you are having benefits with. It’s best to do this with someone you are not emotionally attracted to. Find someone who is not your type or is just passing through. If you are out of his league, so much the better.

Limit the benefits and don’t let them fall into a pattern. A couple times a month is easier to handle emotionally than a weekly or regular routine. When you are in “friend” mode at a party or whatever, be a regular friend. No flirting, smooching or romantic overtures.

Keep the relationship almost business-like. When your clothes are on, you are not interested in him romantically or sexually. Undress yourself when it’s time to share the benefits. Be as sexual as you want to be when you’re naked. When it’s over, turn back into the female version of Clark Kent.

Have sex but don’t make love. Don’t say words of love or encouragement. This is not a romance, there’s a difference between love and lust. The sex can and should be very selfish.

Texts should never be romantic and they should never say how amazing last night was. Don’t exchange gifts. Talk about your activity like it’s a cup of coffee. Set the time and place like it’s an appointment for getting your dog groomed.

Keep the kissing and foreplay to a minimum. Do the deed and get completely dressed.

If you’re looking for love, friends with benefits is not the answer. If you’re looking for something that’s better than masturbation and you have the emotional maturity to manage it in a detached manner, give it a shot.

You’ve been around the block a time or two and are fed up with bad relationships, but you still have those urges that can only be satisfied between the sheets. Maybe it’s time to consider finding a “friend with benefits.”

Not so fast. It sounds great on paper, but so much can go wrong. Before you decide whether it’s the right thing for you, consider some of the unintended consequences.

Double standards.

Sex is a natural drive, that’s true. But there is a rationale for the double standard that allows men to partake in unlimited, gratuitous sex while women are scorned for similar behavior.

Social standards may herald the man as a studly playboy while the woman will be derided as a slut. You know it’s still true. Women can get pregnant and men can’t.

A “reputation” can cost you a promotion at work, dates with great guys or, worse yet, may result in unwelcome advances and expectations from co-workers and other men you once respected.

“What if you fall in love with him

but he really does just want the sex?”

Separating sexual gratification from love.

OK, so you will limit your activities to one special friend and keep it very discreet. Is that really much different from a relationship? And how will you know what the man’s intentions and motives really are?

Few men will turn down no-strings sex with a lady like you. But can you really expect him to remain detached once he has tasted the depth of your exquisite femininity? Is it fair to tease him with the candy but make the meaningful compassion out of bounds?

And what about you? If you play with fire, somebody is going to get burned. Maybe he can separate sexual gratification from love, but are you sure you can?

What if you fall in love with him but, unlike the movies, he really does just want the sex? You could be setting yourself up for your biggest round of emotional turmoil yet.

Truth be told, some people really do pretty well with a booty buddy. But women are designed for making love while men are groomed for the bump-and-run. The likelihood is the woman will be the “friend” to suffer while the man reaps the “benefits.” Be careful.

Casual hookups have always been popular with young people experimenting with their newfound erogenous zones. But the best candidates for a successful friendship with benefits are really those second-time “benefiters,” who have the maturity and the wealth of sexual experience to know the difference between lust and love and can take physical fulfillment for what it is — just sex.

With advanced technology like the Internet, it’s now easier than ever to connect with others interested in an open-relationship lifestyle. But open relationships can be complicated and they may not be right for every couple.

Here are just a few things you should consider before signing up:

1. A sexual relationship can turn into love.

Especially for women, even if this isn’t the intention. One risk when engaging in an open relationship is that one of the partners may become emotionally attached to a sex partner.

Sex and emotions can be difficult to separate and it can surely complicate a marriage when one partner develops intimate feelings for someone else. It’s also irreversible.

2. Both partners begin on the same page, but things change.

The idea of an open relationship may appeal to many couples. And it doesn’t become a problem until one partner changes their mind about the situation.

Sex outside of marriage often brings up feelings of jealousy, guilt and anxiousness. Even though there is an agreement between partners, many change their mind once they’ve dipped their toe in it.

“Research shows that monogamous marriage

leads to better physical and mental health.”

3. New sex may seem hotter and hurt the marriage.

No doubt about it, a novel partner can get the juices flowing, but the downside is that it will be hard to return to monogamy, and frequent sexual partners can put a couple on a slippery slope toward marital disconnection.

4. Sex as a bonding tool loses its power.

Even for couples that rarely have sex, sex is still considered glue that holds together the deep emotional bond between partners. Restraining from sex outside of marriage keeps this bond strong and losing that special bond can leave couples feeling disconnected or unattached.

And once this deep bond is broken, it may be difficult to repair, especially if the couple begins to disagree on whether they want to continue with the open relationship.

5. Open marriages expose the family to a greater risk.

Couples who have open marriages are most likely to have sex with other, very sexually active people who carry an increased risk of STDs.

Women are more vulnerable to STDs than men and can pass some, like herpes or HIV, to their children. Opening up a family’s bloodstream to potential dangers should be a decision not made lightly.

6. Open relationships can be positive for certain couples.

If a couple has a strong bond, open emotional communication, and an ability to respect the voices of both partners, then an open relationship can sometimes work.

If one partner feels coerced by the other into an open relationship because they risk losing the relationship, this is a bad sign. Think long and hard about who really wants this and why.

Clearly, humans have the ability to develop more than one attachment, but the feelings of both partners must be tested all along the way.

Research shows that monogamous marriage leads to better physical and mental health. Before jumping into an open relationship, be sure to discuss all of the ifs, ands or buts with your partner.

Some couples prefer a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, while others prefer just the opposite. Staying on the same page and openly expressing your feelings to your partner is essential in any relationship.

If you first meet a woman as the girlfriend of a good friend or relative, your sexual antennae are also turned off, and you might discover that you cannot even become attracted to her if she later becomes available.

If you meet a woman with a husband or boyfriend but have never met her guy, all bets are off. Harmless attraction and flirting can end up leading to more.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and a lot of time alone together can also allow the forces of nature to overpower our civilized instincts. Men and women can be friends in groups, but if there is a reason they should end up getting romantic, it is usually not a good idea for them to hang out together too often without other common friends around in order to keep a platonic “feel” to the situation.

Even if they are both unattached, there can be trouble. There is a high likelihood that one of them will come to desire more than friendship from the relationship while the other will not.

Male-female attraction is a powerful force that can be difficult to keep in check when there is nothing or no one to enforce social boundaries.

It’s not like the movies.

Now, I’m not dissing the concept. When it works, it’s the best. It just doesn’t happen like it does in the movies. Or rather, it happens exactly the way it does in the movies — right up to the point where they end up happily ever after. That’s because there’s never that cinematic moment when both people turn to each other and say, “It’s YOU!” It’s usually just one person who has that epiphany and that’s when things get awkward. And no, there is no last scene where the other person comes to their senses and runs through the rain to find their true love.

Or, even worse, the whole thing begins because one of you harbors a secret love for the other. You fall into bed and, afraid of scaring them off, you overcompensate by insisting it didn’t mean anything. But now you’ve got your foot in the door, so you leave open the possibility of letting it happen again, hoping beyond hope they’ll realize just how much they love you.

“You have to be as sure as you can be that the other person

has the same end game in mind, and the only way to be

sure is to talk to them about it.”

How do you think this situation is going to play itself out?

Here’s a hint: Not the way you want. That’s because you’ve given the other person no reason to see you as a potential partner. You know the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” It’s an outdated piece of advice when it comes to committed relationships vs. marriage, but it pretty much sums up an unbalanced friends with benefits relationship.

Moving on.

All that being said, there are certain couples who find success in that type of relationship, but when it comes to friends with benefits, “success” means you both get your rocks off and part as friends when it’s time to move on.

In fact, thinking about the “moving on” part is a good measure of whether you consider this person a friend in the first place. By the way, if you feel weird about bringing up other romantic interests with your “friend,” then guess what? They’re not your friend. They are the object of your misplaced lust, and the whole thing’s about to get messy.

You see, as in all real friendships, communication is key. You have to be as sure as you can be the other person has the same end game in mind, and the only way to be sure is to talk to them about it. Don’t fall into bed and sort it out later. As long as you both go in with your eyes open, it can be a way to scratch that itch. Anything else is an insult to the true benefits of friendship.