When J. and I opened up our relationship more than two years ago, I identified as straight.

I had grown up in an LGBTQ affirming religious community and was part of my Gay-Straight Alliance in high school.

I definitely identified as an ally to the LGBTQ community, but I never saw myself exploring sex with anyone other than a cisgender man.

Looking back on my life, I see the signs.

Growing up, I had many erotic dreams with women and had several close girl friends I had crushes on and felt sexual tension with.

Because liking guys was accepted, encouraged and assumed, I think I naturally gravitated toward exploring sex, love and romantic relationships with men since those attractions were apparent to me.

Opening up our relationship, especially within the swinger community, meant I had experimentation with women served to me on a delicious platter.

We first met Carly and Josh at our swingers club.

Carly identified as bisexual and was very attracted to me. I found her very sexy, although I didn’t yet feel “attracted to” another woman. I decided I was “bi-curious.”

On our second night at the swingers club, the four of us got a room together. We had same-room sex (J. and I had sex and Carly and Josh had sex, but there wasn’t any kind of “swapping”).

However, Carly and I kissed and made out and it was an incredibly arousing experience for me. Over the next couple of months, my sexual explorations with Carly increased.

I decided I was “bi-comfortable.” For me, this meant I was pretty much just attracted to men but found sex with women really hot during a group sex encounter.

“I desired both emotional and

physical intimacy with a woman.”

I desired to have sex one on one with a woman.

It needn’t be within the context of a romantic or dating relationship, and I didn’t think I wanted a romantic relationship with a woman.

Yet this differed from Carly’s comfort levels around sex with a woman: She was only comfortable and interested when it was during group sex. The contrast in our comfort levels and desires shed light on my interests.

A few months later, we met Laurel and Jordan, whom we saw individually and together.

I was able to explore having one-on-one sex with Laurel. It was really fun and satisfying, but the contrast in our desires shed light on my interests once again.

Laurel was only comfortable if our encounters stayed within the confines of casual sex. Dating, emotional intimacy and a romantic relationship was off the table for her.

I realized I wanted to date women, as I desired both emotional and physical intimacy with a woman. This was about the time I started identifying as bisexual.

I set out to find a girlfriend.

I met a few different girls off OkCupid, but it quickly became frustratingly apparent that it is just as hard for a girl to meet girls as it is for a guy to meet girls.

I felt desperate. For some reason, I just expected to find that awesome “click” with the first pretty girl I ran across.

Desperation is not a great way to frame up dating, by the way. It led to a number of awkward first dates, friend-zone-but-sort-of-romantic relationships and a really dramatic breakup.

I decided to put my quest to date women on hold.

When you are ready to meet someone, you will. This has been my mantra, and so far, I am more satisfied and happy with my experiences with women as of late.

Melissa found me on OKC a couple of months ago, and I am really happy dating her and exploring our relationship together.

Also, in the past six months or so, I have been identifying as queer instead of bisexual. I am attracted to not just cisgender men and women, but to transgender individuals as well.

I am attracted to masculine men, feminine women, soft butch women and androgynous women.

“Queer” more accurately describes my attractions and philosophy (I don’t believe in using a binary word to describe gender since I see it as a spectrum of identification and presentation).

I identify with the LGBTQ community as whole. I like the word “queer” over “bisexual” or “pansexual”- it sounds juicier and not so clinical.

In short, I am queer. Right now I have an amazing cisgender male primary partner and a kick-ass girlfriend.

Have you ever had a sexual experience with a woman? What was it like? How have your sexual interests changed or stayed the same because of it?

Photo source: wayoftheplayer.com.

The data shows one in five relationships start online. The data for lesbian relationships is higher.

Don’t ignore this amazing resource, but you should manage your expectations and stay realistic about the process.

Here’s what you can reasonably expect:

1. Online dating provides easy access to lots of single lesbians.

2. You’ll automatically be matched on higher-end sites by age and location than by interests, hobbies, religion and behaviors like smoking or drinking.

3. Pictures are important. You notice that’s what you’re looking at first, right?

4. After photos, a well-written profile gets the most action. Take the time to finish all the parts of the profile. Have a friend read it for typos and give you feedback about whether it really reflects who you are.

“Take a chance once in a while

and date outside the box.”

5. Your age can impact how long it will take for you to find a match. Yes, younger women tend to find a relationship faster. For older women, use the wisdom and patience you’ve gained from your life and stick with it. Don’t give up and you will find love.

6. Dating sites are great for getting to first dates, but you’ve got to be ready to work it to get to a second date and beyond.

7. Just because there are lots of lesbians on a site doesn’t mean you’ll easily find a match. It still takes effort. You have to show up and work the system.

8. The average adult has 10 significant relationships and nine breakups. Don’t get discouraged. Even lesbians are in the norm when we take this number into account.

9. Be flexible about your criteria. You may discover you can fall in love and live happily ever after with a political conservative. Take a chance once in a while and date outside the box. A date isn’t a commitment.

10. Don’t spend more than three hours a week on dating sites. But you also shouldn’t quit so easily. Don’t let discouragement make decisions for you. Do things to stay happy in your life.

As a lesbian dating coach, it’s always my advice that lesbians get online.

I work with women all the time to help them get their dating profiles written and learn how to manage the online dating process. You can do it, too!

So what are you waiting for? Are you going to sign up today? Which dating site are you going to use?

Photo source: eligiblemagazine.com.

She really struck a chord with you when you first started to date, but now after a few dates, a dozen or more dates or several months of dates, you’ve realized you’re just not that into her.

The trouble is she’s really into you and can’t get enough.

This is where lesbian dating can get hard.

Some of you just can’t take the step to say it’s not working.

You’re telling yourself you are afraid of hurting her feelings. You also tell yourself if you stick with it a little longer, maybe love will show up or she’ll break up with you.

Whatever the story is in your head, you’re not dealing with the truth here.

Um, can you say “big fat lie”? And nobody wants to date a liar.

Now don’t get me wrong. You’re not intentionally trying to hurt her or lie, but that is what you are doing. You’re hurting her and lying to yourself about it.

You didn’t get into this with the intention of lying, but that’s what’s happening.

“The sooner you are honest with

her in a kind way, the easier.”

So what do you do?

Own up to the truth.

We get caught up in thinking love is all about romance, but that’s only a small part of what lesbian love, and love in general, is about.

Love is also caring and respecting someone as a unique and special individual on this planet who deserves your honesty about your own self in the relationship. That is love in its truest and deepest sense.

The kindest and most loving thing you can do in this situation is to tell her the truth. You’ll relieve your own pain for sure.

She’ll be hurt if she really cares for you, but she can then move on to find someone who can really treasure her. She deserves that.

Do you declare your desire to be friends?

She’s most likely going to say she wants to stay connected, but you’re going to have to change the rhythm of how you spend time together.

Don’t replicate dating but without the sex or kissing. It’s going to send a confusing message to her.

Anything you do that hints at still being girlfriends, like casually holding hands while out or putting your hand on her leg while at the movies, is a no-no.

That says you’re confused and you’re going to end up in a lot of arguments because of your behavior.

Draw a line in your heart, your head, your words and your actions. Don’t keep spending every Friday and Saturday night with her.

Make space for you and her to move on and let a friendship develop. It can happen, but it will take time.

The sooner you are honest with her in a kind way, the easier. Really. It’s hard at first, but it will be easier sooner than later.

Gay girls, have you been in this situation before? What did you do? What did she do? Share your thoughts and experience with me in the comments section.

Photo source: russellkorets.wordpress.com.

If you’re a teenager, you have both curiosity and raging hormones driving you to cross the great divide to having your first sexual experience.

If you’re a lesbian who came out later in life, the truth is you’re equally as curious about sex with a woman and your hormones are talking pretty loud about it, too.

How do you approach this seemingly Olympian fete?

One step at a time, just like everything else in life.

Let’s agree you’ve got the first part nailed. You’ve met someone. She’s interested in you and you have similar feelings about her.

You’re both enjoying holding hands. That alone can be an amazing sexual encounter. Yes, just holding hands is a big turn-on when you’ve never even pulled down a woman’s pants!

There are signals of sexual interest – she is touching you all the time on your hands, your arms, your hips and waist, your back and shoulders. Yeah, her hands are all over you and that’s a turn-on.

You’re feeling equally free to touch her in a similar fashion. This kind of touching is probably going to lead to sex. So what’s next…

You’re probably wondering how to get to second, third and fourth base with this lesbian. Well, there are a couple of ways to approach this.

1. Spend time getting to know your own body.

Yes, I mean masturbate. But pay attention to what kind of touch turns you on!

Most of us masturbate these days. If you’re paying attention, you’ll realize you have a particular way of touching yourself (along with what you imagine in your mind) that always brings you to orgasm.

If you’ve never done this, get a mirror and take a look at yourself. It’ll help a lot when you’re sitting in front of another woman, who you will discover doesn’t look exactly like you!

Knowing yourself and being able to share how you like to be touched with your lover will be very helpful. As you get to know your own body better, you’ll also be a better lesbian lover.

“It’s a lot of fun to discover all the different

ways you can please a lesbian in bed.”

2. Sober makes for better sex.

This is so true and I hope you’ll take this seriously. When you’re drunk or high, you’re not just sloppy around the house or dinner table, you’re sloppy in bed.

Being sober means you’ll be a little more nervous until the sex hormones really kick in, but it also means you’ll remember what happened the next day.

You’ll be able to hold her and talk to your lesbian lover after you’re both finished – not just roll over and pass out.

Alcohol eases anxiety but it diminishes our ability to reach orgasm. Leave it alone or go easy and stick with one drink.

3. Safe sex is the best kind of sex.

Yes, you need to talk about STDs. Lesbians get them and give them to other women.

Unless you’re a real virgin and she’s a real virgin, then discussing STDs is really important. Many STDs can be prevented just by using the right tools like a dental dam.

And take the lead by getting tested yourself. Many cities have public health clinics where it won’t cost you a dime to get tested for HIV and hepatitis.

Do it. You’ll be able to say, “I’m clean” or “I always use safe sex methods.”

Too many lesbians ignore STDs and are sorry later. Don’t let that be you.

4. It’s not time to bring out toys.

If you can’t enjoy au-natural sex as a first time experience with your lady lover, then what’s up that?

Sex toys are great but not for your first time. Be present with your new lover’s body, her breathing, her scent and her sounds.

Save toys for later. Toys are great. I love them but I don’t need them for a first time experience with any woman.

5. Communicate!

Ask her what she likes and what she wants. If she’s a shy lesbian and won’t share, then stop for a second and ask if she likes that or not with each new way you touch her.

Be brave and tell her where and how to touch you, too. You’ll appreciate it and so will she.

And if you’re both really verbal, then communication makes the sex even better.

6. Relax, breathe and enjoy.

Don’t overthink everything. It will make you more nervous and tense, which will inhibit your ability to really enjoy the whole experience.

Touch her all over and don’t just lunge for her crotch. Slow yourself down and really enjoy the experience. Slowly take her clothes off.

Enjoy every inch of her body slowly and deliberately enjoy the fact woman-to-woman sex lasts a lot longer on average than heterosexual sex. Yes, women rock when it comes to long-lasting and great sex.

Take the time to enjoy every inch of her body – her neck and ears, shoulders and arms, chest and breasts, belly and butt, thighs, calves and feet. Yes, go for luxuriating in her feminine body. It’s a beautiful thing.

Finally, have realistic expectations. You may orgasm or you may not. It’s not the most important thing actually. The goal is to get close and get physical.

You’ll learn a lot from every sexual encounter you have with a woman. You’ll also learn more about what you like and what other women like.

We aren’t all the same and it’s a lot of fun to discover all the different ways you can please a lesbian in bed.

Enjoy every minute!

Gay girls, what was your first lesbian sexual experience like? What tips can you offer the lesbian newbies out there?

Photo source: flickr.com.

The good news is there appears to be only good news.

Datingadvice.com recently reported on a study done on children of lesbians who were conceived through sperm donation.

Not only do these boy and girls do well in school, they also do well socially, are less likely to be rule-breakers, are less aggressive and are not as prone to blame their problems on others.

This is pretty exciting news and it speaks to a quality of care and attention that comes from having two women present and available.

Overall, children of lesbian couples actually do as well in school and in life as children of heterosexual couples. Yes, the study really says this.

Now if you are coming out and already have children, the results of this study are not fully applicable.

Your children have a father who they know and who they hopefully interact with even in the face of your divorce (due to the fact you have accepted you are lesbian).

Younger children haven’t developed prejudices.

Older children, particularly middle school and high school children, may find your coming out to be difficult and embarrassing.

Peer pressure gets in the way of even the most loving parent/child relationship, and a lesbian mother can be a very difficult thing to process for some children.

In my own experience, my son of 18 was extremely upset about my coming out as lesbian. My daughter, who was seven, never gave my being lesbian a second thought.

The difference in where they were developmentally was significant. It took my son about six years to adjust to his mother being lesbian, but I’m grateful that we again have a great relationship.

My daughter needed help adjusting to other changes that took place in our world.

She was heartbroken that she could no longer see her dad every day, was no longer living in the house she loved when we were a family and many other big and little changes that took place.

We found a delightful children’s therapist who specialized in play therapy. This is something I’d recommend to any woman with children who is coming out.

That therapist helped us move through the grieving process to being able to find joy and fun in life again.

“Living more honest lives is one of

the gifts you’ll give your children.”

So what about you?

Are you coming out with no children but planning on having them? Then this study provides deep emotional support if you’re worried about how your child will fare in life. He or she will do great.

Already have children? Then prepare to give them extra time and attention.

Be ready to talk to them about homosexuality in terms they can understand. Your 6-year-old doesn’t need the same information your teenager will need.

Be on the lookout for a therapist who specializes in working with children. Your kids and you may need extra help at certain points in your transition process.

Though there is a lot of joy in taking the steps to live authentically, there is always a grieving process that must be taken into account.

For all you gain, you must let go of other things.

Coming out in a thoughtful and planned way will help your whole family handle the transitions more easily.

Ultimately, you are opening up the world in a new way for yourself and your children.

With your loving attention, deep listening to their needs and concerns and a strong support system, you will all do as well as the children in this study.

Living fuller, happier and more honest lives is one of the gifts you’ll be able to give your children.

What are your biggest concerns for your children in your coming out process? Share with us in the comment section below.

Photo source: curvemag.com.

Yes, I know you miss her. But do you miss her, or do you just hate being alone?

Everything we want in life we want because we are after a feeling, not so much the thing. It’s why lesbians often get stuck in the wrong relationship.

Do you want your lesbian lover back because you’re tired of feeling lonely?

Do you want your lover back because that would feel familiar and comfortable? Do you want your lover back because it would make you feel safe and secure?

Maybe you want her back because you’ve realized she is someone truly special and being with her makes you feel like your best self?

Let me ask a few more nitpicky questions.

Why did you break up in the first place? What were her complaints about you? What were your complaints about her that seemed like they couldn’t be fixed? Has anything about what broke you up changed?

If she complained you never shared your feelings and didn’t communicate effectively, have you done something to learn how to be a more effective communicator?

If she complained you never helped with anything, didn’t chip in financially or maybe did nothing but complain about everything in your relationship, has anything changed?

If those were your complaints about her, how do you know she’s changed so that rekindling your relationship has a chance in hell of working?

Are you prepared to take her complaints about your behavior seriously and make changes in yourself?

Get some therapy. Start reading self-help books and taking action. Start working with a dating and relationship expert to learn how to be more loving, kind and giving in a relationship.

I understand the pull to get back together.

But it’s not as simple as getting her into bed with you.

If you haven’t worked on the problems that broke you up, a second or third go-around isn’t going to work either.

In my little lesbian world, I have loved the same lesbian for many years.

We’ve been off more than we’ve been on. Every time we got back together, we ended up running the same old pattern that led to breaking up again.

I realized I needed to change. I did a lot of work to bring myself into the relationship in a different way, but some of the key issues we had that kept us breaking up hadn’t changed.

I wanted us to get into couples counseling. She always found reasons to say “not now.”

I finally realized there was no reason for us to get back together because the important things hadn’t changed. I’d run this cycle enough times to know it never works.

I love her but “we” don’t work. I grew tired of my life being on hold for something that wasn’t going to happen.

“If you start acting like a loving

friend, you just might win her back.”

Now if you’re sure you and your ex really can work it out, then what do you do?

Here are a few ideas for you to work with:

1. Stop harassing her.

Stop calling her all the time. Stop texting her all the time. Stop emailing her all the time. Stop commenting on her Facebook posts or private messaging her or tweeting her all the time.

Stop being her headache and think about how you can extend love to her in a way that makes her FEEL at peace, safe and curious about you in a way she hasn’t felt in a while.

You want to stop creating the feeling you are pressuring her to get back together or you are demanding anything from her.

2. Try something different.

If you’ve been harassing her, its time for you to try something different.

Write her a letter. Send her a card in the mail. Really, this is powerful stuff in a day when everything happens by text.

Tell her you want to get back together but realize that is up to her to decide.

Now this is a hard one: Let her be right! Take responsibility for the relationship failing.

Own your part in what messed it up and do not throw her mistakes in her face — that’s a dead end. Let it go.

If your need to be right is more important than the relationship, that’s why you’re not together and you never will be back together if that’s your stance.

3. Give her space.

When you give her space, she can stop being on the defensive about you.

She can start to let her guard down and maybe peek into what’s going on in your world on Facebook or Twitter or through asking friends what’s up in your world and life.

4.  She’s probably thinking about you, too.

When you create the vacuum of not communicating (which nature and all women abhor), she can start to get curious about you and what you’re doing.

She’ll start to think different thoughts about you.

Instead of thinking, “Damn her. She’s driving me nuts. When is she going to stop?” your ex-girlfriend starts to wonder, “Why am I not hearing from her? Gee, I wonder if she’s found someone else?”

Get it? By not communicating with her, she can finally start to miss you.

5. You’ll hear from her eventually.

When she’s missing you, chances are you will hear from her eventually.

Now you need to continue to be patient! Don’t rush for the kill. Take your time. Continue to be mysterious and all the while be accepting of her.

Be kind and gracious to her. And if you’re really serious about rekindling this relationship and making it work, then take on my 90-day challenge.

6. What’s the 90-day challenge?

For 90 days, you don’t complain to her. You act selflessly.

You stop being focused on yourself and your needs and you focus only on her and what can support her, help her, make her feel better and ultimately make her feel your love.

Love is NOT selfish. Love has no expectation of return. Do you love like that? Or do you keep score?

For 90 days, you stop keeping score and you give and give and give with no expectation of return.

7. You don’t bitch to her or about her.

For 90 days, you find ways to compliment her. For 90 days, you take the high road and stop being a bitch yourself. For 90 days, you listen to her deeply and stop interrupting her.

You love her, forgive her foibles, don’t pick on her mistakes, compliment her bad cooking or whatever it was you somehow couldn’t stand when you were together.

You change your song from being mad to being sweet, loving and accepting — sweet enough to accept her habits that were making you crazy.

8. For 90 days, what she wants comes first.

What she wants, you do. What she asks for, you provide as much as is in your power to do.

9. Realize you might never have broken up in the first place.

And finally recognize if you’d done the 90-day challenge before the breakup, you might never have broken up. Yes, it’s that powerful.

There is no guarantee you can win your gay girl back, but if you’ll stop being the pain in her neck and start acting like a loving and giving friend and lover, you just might win her back.

Are you ready for the 90-day challenge? Leave a comment below if you’re committing to the challenge and come back and tell us what happens.

Photo source: dalje.com.

You’ve crossed the line to having sex with your lesbian girlfriend and that’s starting to cross over into your texting.

Texting + sex = sexting. It’s great for foreplay, but let’s talk about boring common sense when using this communication medium.

Please don’t text pictures of yourself.

That’s a dangerous proposition and could cost you in the future.

I know it’s fun and you’re just playing and enjoying all that sexual energy, but it can and does backfire.

If you break up, do you really want her to have photos of you in your birthday suit?

Cell phones get lost and stolen all the time.

Not only could a thieving stranger be looking at your body parts, but that stranger could then send your picture and your contact details to anyone anywhere.

Then consider that someone you know could pick up that cell phone for some silly reason and see your text and picture. It could be your child, mother, father, brother, friend or whoever.

Do you really want to have to explain this?

“Sexting can add a lot of sexual

energy to a relationship.”

It’s more than just pictures.

Are you ready to stick with sex talk for your sexting connection? All right then, is there a line you don’t want to cross here? Perhaps.

When getting sexual using the written word, just like sex talk in bed, some people are more comfortable than others.

This would be a good time to have a conversation about what your new honey feels comfortable doing. If she’s really verbal in bed already, then sexting may be a natural and comfortable flow for her.

If your honey is really quiet in bed (I think sex talk is hot and fun!), then you need to talk to her about her comfort level. She might discover she enjoys sexting or it makes her really uncomfortable.

A good rule of thumb is don’t say anything in a text message you wouldn’t say to her face. If you’re a lesbian that’s really comfortable with sex talk, this may seem like a no-brainer to you, but you need to feel out your girlfriend’s feelings about it.

For the younger set.

For those under 18 years old, sexting in and of itself is illegal. Sending naked pictures of yourself to anyone is also illegal when you’re under 18. Sending naked pictures of someone under 18 via text is also illegal.

Sexting has gotten many young people in lots of trouble with the law and their parents. It is considered to be child pornography and you do not want to mess with that.

If you’re over 18 and dating someone under 18, skip the pictures.

If you’re older, just ask yourself if you’d want your good friends or parents to see you on the Internet naked. Yeah, probably not.

Sexting can add a lot of sexual energy to a relationship. It can be fun foreplay and ensure you are both in the mode for sex, but watch out for the pitfalls of having really intimate information on your cell phone.

Now go on and enjoy that lovely lesbian you’ve been so fortunate to find. And tell me: Do you sext?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

It really is exciting when you meet a lesbian you are attracted to and she feels the same about you. It just doesn’t happen often enough.

When that chemistry finally shows up, it’s hard not to just jump into bed.

As a dating expert and coach, I don’t tell my clients when they should have sex for the first time.

You are adults. You can buy alcohol and guns and drive cars at speeds in excess of 100 miles per hour.

Life is full of rules already, so do we need one about when to have sex.

The next thing I recommend is to ask a better question. Asking better questions gets you better answers and better results for your life.

10 better questions to ask:

1. What would happen if we have sex and then don’t like each other?
2. Would I be OK if we had sex and never saw each other again?
3. If I have sex with this woman and it’s a lousy experience, what am I going to do then?
4. If I have sex with her, am I afraid I’ll instantly fall in love with her?
5. If I have sex with her, what are the chances I’ll lose my mind, rent a U-haul and move in?
6. Am I concerned because I want to please everyone else or myself and this woman?
7. What will I do if she decides she’s more into me than I am into her?
8. Are we ready to get that intimate and personal?
9. Is this taking our relationship to another level I’m ready for?
10. What if it’s the best thing that ever happens to me, and why would I want to wait for that?

“When having sex, it creates a real

energetic connection between both of you.”

As you can see, with different kinds of questions, the answers start to have more meaning and can go in a lot of directions.

An important fact lesbians have to deal with when having sex is it creates a real energetic connection between both of you.

Your bodies release the hormone oxytocin when you have an orgasm and that creates a chemical connection.

That’s what creates those crazy U-haul stories – that oxytocin connection.

So when is it OK?

Whenever you’re ready to deal with the consequences, go forth and have sex.

Hopefully it’s all fabulous. If not, you’ve already decided how to deal with it, right?

When do you decide to have sex with a new girlfriend? Leave us a comment below with your thoughts on this big question.

Photo source: thegaymarriageblog.com.

She mentioned to you she was bisexual, and you decided to take her out just for kicks. After just a couple of dates, you’re really into her.

Think Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche a few years back.

The problem is you’re not so sure she’s into you or even into the lesbian scene. You’re constantly getting mixed signals. On top of that, you’re wondering if she’ll dump you for a guy.

Mixed signals are the worst. “Come here. Go away.” Yikes!

Not all bisexuals are confused but many are dating on both sides of the fence because they like it.

It’s not all about power or using people. It’s often about exploring life and having many different experiences.

Here’s a fact for you.

OkCupid.com did an analysis of people who identify as bisexual on their dating website. What they found is really interesting.

Bisexuals in their 20s and early 30s make contact with both men and women pretty evenly. By the time bisexuals have reached their mid-30s, they are dating one sex almost exclusively.

Here is the bad news.

If your attractive bisexual woman is in her 20s or early 30s, she falls into the group that is still open to both men and women.

She may truly not be that into you but just having an experience. She may not be sure she wants to be with a woman exclusively or for the long term. She’s still figuring things out.

The good news is if she’s moving into her 30s or older, she’s probably choosing one over the other. Overall, women are more fluid in how they define themselves sexually than men are.

That means many women coming out later in life who call themselves bisexual and date women are probably going to stick with playing with the girls. That’s nice to know, isn’t it?

“There is no certainty in the dating

world. You have to take chances.”

Think about this:

Are you her first woman? Then you can ask if she’s just curious or serious.

If she’s been with other women, you can be sure she’s visited the territory and knows more about what she is doing and what she likes.

Now there are some women who jump into lesbian dating, stay awhile and then leave.

So what about Anne Heche? She was in a relationship with Ellen for a while. Then suddenly she left Ellen and was dating a guy. She’s been with men since Ellen.

We remember Ellen being brave and Anne saying she was just trying things out. She said she wasn’t a lesbian but she loved Ellen.

That’s not uncommon. I’ve heard it from women I know: “I just loved her, but I’m not into lesbians.”

That’s the story most lesbians fear.

No woman wants to get her heart tied up with someone who could leave her for the other sex.

If we’re being honest, many lesbian relationships end because it’s just not working, not because of a guy.

There is no certainty in the dating world. You have to take chances.

If you’re comfortable dating bisexuals, then please do. You just might find long-lasting love and happiness.

And if you realize she’s just not that into lesbians, then you’ll have had an adventure and hopefully come out on the other side a better version of yourself for it.

Have you ever had an experience with a bisexual woman? I’d love to hear your stories.

Photo source: msnbctv.wordpress.com.

You say to yourself, “I feel lonely.” Or maybe you say, “I am lonely.”

And then there are places that have been described as the loneliest places on Earth.

Most frequently the loneliest place on Earth is when you’re in a crowd of happy people and you are feeling miserable.

Yes, that’s the feeling of loneliness.

And that’s an attitude that’s creating loneliness.

We feel what we think about and focus on. Believe it or not, you are creating all of your feelings, including that feeling of being lonely.

When we are feeling lonely, we are running a movie in our head.

This movie has a story line that says: Life shouldn’t be like this. You shouldn’t be alone.

You shouldn’t have to live alone, sleep alone, eat alone and go to the gym alone. Add whatever else fits in this story line for you.

I know it’s tough. I’ve struggled with feeling lonely since I was a child.

I was the only girl with four brothers. We often lived in places where there was nothing to do and no one to do it with. I’m very intimate with the feeling of lonely.

You can break the back of that lonely feeling with some key strategies.

1. When you realize you’re feeling lonely, say this:

“The thing I am feeling right now is loneliness.”

You aren’t “being” lonely. You’re feeling it. And our feelings change all day long.

“Our feelings really are

under our control.”

2. Get curious.

Ask yourself something like, “Wow, this is an interesting feeling. I wonder what else I could be feeling right now?”

Yes, I agree this seems like a strange question to ask yourself, but it is a very empowering question. It gives you permission to feel something different.

It also triggers your mind to look for something different.

You could be feeling sad or angry or bored or content. If you change your focus, you’ll change how you feel.

3. Get moving.

It’s obvious, right? You can shift your emotions with a question.

You can also shift your emotions by doing something that moves your body. When you shift your physical body, your mind and emotions shift also.

You’ve heard of runner’s high, right? Exactly. That’s using the body and creating an emotion or feeling from that movement.

4. Get creative.

Get out a piece of paper. Set a timer for five minutes. Now write about feeling lonely. Write how you feel when you are lonely.

Why are you feeling lonely? What do you look like when you feel lonely?

How do you sound when you feel lonely? How do you smell when you feel lonely? How do you eat when you feel lonely?

Now let’s switch up the focus.

You will think and focus on happiness.

Now write about how you look when you’re happy.

How do you eat when you feel happy? How do you sound when you feel happy? How do you smell when you’re feeling happy?

What does happy sound like? What does happy feel like?

Do you notice you’re not feeling lonely anymore? Are you noticing the lonely feeling getting smaller and, like a burp, it’s leaving your body? Don’t you feel better?

Our feelings really are under our control. You can spend time visiting the feeling of loneliness. When you’re done, you now have a map to find the feeling of happiness.

This is a simple exercise you can repeat in your head and cut off that horrible lonely feeling at the root.

Readers, did you do the exercise? How did it make you feel? Let me know in the comment section.

Photo source: marccortez.com.