I am an international student and I met a girl in this country. In one month, I have to go back to my home country. The problem is I really like the girl I met here. I think she feels the same but I am not sure.

I kissed her on a drunk night. As far as I remember, she said, “I like you too, but I don’t want a relationship because you are going back.” In one week, I am going with her on a holiday – just the two of us.

How do I tell her I fancy her? And how could I convince her to start a relationship?

Frederik (U.K.)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Frederik,

Let me get this straight: This girl isn’t your girlfriend. You, in fact, recently met her.

And the only time you’ve kissed is when you were too drunk to fully remember what her response was – not exactly a big foundation to base a long-distance relationship on.

I think you should think in terms of growing a long-distance friendship via Skype and phone and see where it goes.

And what about this romantic weekend away??? It sure seems like a lot of pressure for an only-kissed-once relationship. Are you planning to sleep in the same room? In the same bed?

I think you two better set some clear ground rules before this weekend. Sex before expressions of love and commitment is more often a negative passion turning point, evoking regrets and apologies.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Anna Machin, of the University of Oxford, found women invested heavily in their relationships while men kept a greater distance between themselves and their loved ones.

Machin recently studied 341 men and women and questioned them on the roles, values and maintenance requirements of both their romantic relationships and their best friendships.

“Women invested heavily in relationships

while men kept a greater distance.”

In fact, Machin found even men in committed relationships still unconsciously responded to some of the questions as if they were still single.

“It seems that regardless of our culture of monogamy and commitment, the biological imperative still operates, to a greater or lesser degree, for men,” she said.

Women also had a greater tendency to rank their romantic partners as more valuable than themselves, and women were more likely to view their relationships as cooperatively based than men, who often thought of their relationships in terms of competitions.

Source: The University of Oxford via ScienceDaily.com. Photo source: gracechatting.com.

My problem is I am in a long-distance relationship. It’s been fight after fight. He has become indifferent.

We have overcome a lot, but I am getting tired. I have communicated this. He hangs up on me and doesn’t respond to messages.

I know I have a bad attitude, but I feel I am trying to speak up and solve things in a healthy manner. I feel if I don’t make an effort, this isn’t going to work. I can’t do it all alone.

What do I do?

-Rosie (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Rosie,

I don’t know what your fights are about, but I can tell you both of you have poor conflict resolution skills. These poor skills aren’t helped by the fact you have a long-distance relationship and stonewalling is as easy as hanging up the phone.

No relationship survives for long when one partner gives the silent treatment. Eventually, the unheard partner gives up and leaves.

My suggestion is to set some times and places to have face-to-face constructive conversations about the issues with these ground rules: no name calling, no playing victim and no stonewalling.

If this doesn’t work, you two will either need couples therapy or decide to go separate ways.

As for you’re “bad attitude,” men who act indifferent usually don’t come closer when an angry woman nags them. Try to contain yourself before you communicate.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Not too long ago I met a guy in a culinary festival. The guy is from the U.S. and was part of a study for a semester program in PR.

The thing is we met the last five days of his exchange program and in the little time we spent together, I felt like we connected really well. I ended up liking him very much to the point where I can’t stop thinking of him.

We have maintained a good communication via phone and occasionally Facebook, but sometimes I feel lost and insecure about hoping for something that there might never be a chance for.

Is it worth giving it a shot?

-Ivan (Puerto Rico)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Dear Ivan:

Well I have good news and bad news for you!

The good news is long-distance relationships can and do work.

The bad news is most research indicates this positive prognosis applies, for the most part, to those couples already established in long-term relationships.

Long-distance relationships can be very difficult for all the obvious reasons.

They tend to fare better with long-term partners because they already have a foundation established in their relationship to sustain the stresses involved with the painful separations that come with their lifestyles of distance.

All sorts of tips and tricks exist to help these couples maintain their spark when apart, but these are traditionally most beneficial when they already have a mature connection.

Short-term encounters and vacation romances, such as yours, are initially built on infatuation, lust and chemistry and haven’t had an opportunity to mature and evolve.

Without ever having been able to truly date and establish an enduring emotional connection that can only come from getting to know the other person and dealing with the inevitable power struggles and conflicts of daily life that face-to-face relationships allow, men in your situation are at a significant disadvantage.

All these men have is the fantasy of the glory of what they shared during their brief moments together before they had to part ways, and this is not a holistic representation of their partnering based on the stage of relationship they’re in.

It’s a “honeymoon phase.”

Advances in technology with the use of Skype and webcams definitely helps with the communication barriers that exist, but they also unfortunately fuel the fantasy and keep these men trapped in visions of what “could be” without being grounded in the reality they don’t genuinely know this love interest completely, let alone in his own home environment.

Physical presence is needed for a relationship to get off the ground and sustain, especially in the beginning.

We can convince ourselves we “truly know him” and “can beat the odds,” but that’s the fantasy and desire for companionship talking, and it’s a huge mental trap to beware.

That being said, it is ultimately your choice.

When we finally meet “a good one” in dating, it can be hard to let go if the conditions aren’t right for it, despite the fact the guy might be.

And there certainly are relationships in your similar type of situation that have worked out.

It really comes down to your needs and values and what you want out of a partner, relationship and lifestyle.

It might be helpful to make a pros and cons list of trying a long-distance partnership on for size.

It might also be helpful to ask yourself such questions as:

• “What are the qualities and characteristics I’m looking for out of a relationship?”
• “Will this arrangement align with the conditions I’m seeking?”
• “Do I REALLY know this guy enough to make this sacrifice?”
• “Can I truly cope with long periods of time apart without suffering distressing emotional symptoms?”
• “Can I be without his physical touch and intimacy?”
• “Have we established enough trust and connection to sustain physical distance?”
• “Do I REALLY want this type of relationship?”
• “Am I being driven by some other underlying force (loneliness, insecurity, desperation, etc.)?”

I wish you all the best with your decision, my friend.

Bask in the afterglow of the wonderful experience you had with this guy, but please do your due diligence by conducting this self-analysis before emotionally investing yourself prematurely for your own protection.

All the best,

Dr. Brian

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

I’ve been dating someone and have grown quite fond of her. We actually dated last summer as well, but one of our issues is long distance. She’s had bad experiences with long distance and says she doesn’t want to do that again. Second, she’s not over her ex-boyfriend.

I really like her and feel a strong connection. She says she likes me, too. I want to continue talking to her but only if it’s going to lead toward a relationship. Also, I need her to be honest about her contact with her ex and if she has plans to see him.

Should I just give up on this since she’s telling me she doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship?

-D. (Houston)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

I mean this gently, but how much more honest can the young woman be? She’s told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship and she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend. But it seems like you aren’t completely believing it.

You may be mislead by her actions – that includes spending time with you and perhaps talking to you on a regular basis. But I’d pay attention to her words here. My instinct tells me she’s not playing hard to get.

So why give her the benefits of your attention and friendship if she isn’t earning them by reciprocating?

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

You simply need to dig a little deeper, and apply an unconventional outlook, to find the bright spots offered by dating from a distance.

Healthy emotional connections require space.

What usually happens when you meet a woman you share a powerful, practically instantaneous connection with?

• The two of you meet and it’s electric.
• At first your time together is wonderful.
• The two of you progress emotionally at an accelerated rate.
• The cracks start to appear in your relationship.
• You end things dramatically and painfully.

Too many of us go through too many of these relationships too often. The emotional connection you feel with some women is so intense that it’s impossible to develop at a normal, natural and healthy pace when you are able to be in constant contact with each other.

If, however, you and your woman are forced to slow down your relationship’s progression, these incredibly intense relationships have a much higher chance of developing into a connection that lasts.

“Instead of considering distance an

impediment, think of it as an opportunity.”

Space defeats jealousy.

Whether your relationship is open because you or your woman just met and feel reluctant to immediately commit, or whether you and your woman simply prefer a non monogamous union, a little physical distance creates a great barrier to the sort of jealousy and drama that can sideline an otherwise healthy connection.

By living in different cities, you will both be able to play out the private elements of your dating life without openly comparing your activities with hers and without having to deal with the often immature external drama inherent with hooking up within any shared social circle.

However, remember this: If you’re going to act on the independence your long-distance relationship provides you, make sure you and your woman are on the same page regarding what is and isn’t allowed when it comes to getting involved with others.

Opportunities for a creative sexual connection.

Finally, instead of considering distance as a burden to you and your woman enjoying the sexual side of your relationship, think of distance as an opportunity to explore some of the elements of your shared sexuality you wouldn’t otherwise play with if you lived close to each other.

Phone sex, cyber sex (through chat or video), sexting, dirty emails, sexy pictures, and naughty “care packages” offer just a few avenues for exploring the less tangible, but no less powerful, elements of your sex life.

And if you do end up living closer to your woman, you better believe all the wonderful skills you honed during your previous time apart will help you keep you connecting in a more expansive and imaginative manner than you ever would if you didn’t have such helpful limitations forcing you to delve deeper.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and half now. He is about to go into the Air Force and I don’t know how to take it.

His family is trying to keep him at home and away from me. I don’t know if he realizes it or not, but it kind of hurts my feelings. I’m not trying to come between his family, but this is my last year with him and I want to spend it the best way I can.

-Georgia A. (Georgia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

His family is doing what they think is best for their son: keeping him away from a love relationship that might derail his career plans. But the bigger issue for you is not being able to explain to him how much you care about him and how much this hurts.

Do you really believe this is your last year with him? Then, I must kindly ask you, why bother?

On the other hand, if you’re hoping to build a strong relationship that can go the distance and endure the absences, then putting your feelings on the table is a first step. Tell him how you feel. Be honest.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

1. He’s a childhood friend.

You’ve known this guy off and on for more than 25 years. You reconnected at a recent high school reunion and really hit it off. A month later, he sends you a ticket to fly from your home in New York out to his place in Seattle. And because he’s just an all-around nice guy, he offers to get you a hotel room if that’s more comfortable for you than staying at his house.

Verdict: House

Reason: You have 25 years to catch up on and since you have the same hometown and an entire high school student body to gossip about, it’s safe to say you won’t run out of things to talk about.

It’s also safe to say he’s not an axe murderer or anything like that since you’ve known him, his friends and his family for decades.

“When it comes to long-distance dating, a sleepover is

only appropriate when you feel 100 percent comfortable.”

2. He’s an online date.

You’ve been chatting for a few months after meeting on an online dating site and you finally decide to take the relationship to the next level. Problem is he lives three hours away. To go visit him, you’ll have to stay the night. He offers you a guest room at his house.

Verdict: Hotel

Reason: You’ve never met this guy and except for some really great phone calls, you don’t know anything about him. Protect yourself and get a hotel room in a convenient location.

That way, even if you’ve had a few glasses of wine and don’t decide he makes you uncomfortable until the end of the night, you have a safe place to lay your head.

3. He’s a friend of a friend and a blind date.

You’re going on a business trip to Chicago and one of your really good friends says she has a friend from college she thinks you would really hit it off with. She arranges a dinner date and the guy mentions that you’re welcome to stay at his place. Your company already paid for a really nice hotel room downtown.

Verdict: Hotel

Reason: Although this guy is a good friend of a good friend, you’ve never met him. You already have a hotel paid for, so there’s really no reason for you to stay at this guy’s place.

Treat this first date as casual. If you keep dating every time you’re in the Windy City for work, then a sleepover will be warranted.

When it comes to long-distance dating, a sleepover is only appropriate when you feel 100 percent comfortable with the guy you’re going to visit. Don’t ever agree to stay with a man you’ve never met before in person, and if there’s another option — say your company already paid for a nice hotel room — then go with that.

After all, a few decades ago we were driven by our libidos full time, and no mountain was high enough to keep us from our lady love. Now that we can manage our urges and she has become the wind beneath our wings, the mountain doesn’t really matter as much.

Still, we are physical creatures. It takes a plan as well as constant attention to keep a relationship alive and well when your loved one is miles away.

1. Time is of the essence.

Let’s start off by keeping it real. Every day is precious. Now is the time to enjoy all of the good things in life, and the best thing of all is the woman you love.

If you met her online and drove six hours to get together for a magical night of dinner and dancing, or if you met her at your daughter’s graduation from law school three states away, you have to be sure the day is coming when you will be together.

If she will never leave the city where her children live and you will never leave your lifelong home either, then you can take little comfort in calling this a relationship.

Try to get at least a general timeline for uniting as a real couple. If you can’t agree on who will move, you can both escape to a nice retirement community in Florida or the Ozarks.

You can always do the snowbird thing and return home every summer, spending half the time in her town and half the time in yours.

“Show her there ain’t no river wide

enough to keep you from getting to her.”

2. Keep in touch often.

In this digital age, there is much more available to you than the telephone, although that is always a great way to keep your emotional connection strong and personal. But don’t forget about smart phones and computers, too.

Send her a “tweet” a few times every day, text her photo of the dog licking her picture, and send some photos on Facebook, too. Share your new haircut, your new sweater or your newly waxed car.

Just keeping each other apprised of the little things in your daily routine and making her feel included in your life is a great way to keep continuity and passion in the relationship.

Set aside a few minutes to chat on Facebook or Skype every day, if you can. Utilize your webcams and add even more intimacy to your romance.

3. Have a presence in her life.

Depending on the distance, schedules and budgets, it is a good idea to make a schedule of when you will visit each other. It might be every weekend, once a month or on birthdays and holidays. Sometimes you will go to see her, and other times she should come to visit you.

Looking forward to sharing time with your lady on a certain date and on a regular schedule makes the long-distance relationship more bearable and more likely to last.

Be sure to do some special and memorable with your time, and take some time to share the other people and events in your lives when you’re together, too.

When you can’t be with her in person, you can have a “virtual date.” Get iPhones or iPads for both of you, and then meet for lunch at McDonald’s at noon in your distant cities.

With the free Wi-Fi and your mobile devices, you can share some “FaceTime” as you enjoy your lunch “together.” Or try it for dinner at Applebee’s or the Olive Garden.

An unexpected bouquet of flowers will also make her feel closer to you, but for something she can look at and enjoy every day, give her a flowering plant, a stuffed animal or a goldfish.

Better yet, if she’s OK with the idea, give her a puppy or a kitten that can actually give her some of your love and affection every day.

The key, of course, is to do everything you can to nurture and develop the personal and emotional bond that holds your relationship together. Let her know every day that you think about her and care for her.

Make her feel like you are there with her. And show her there ain’t no river wide enough to keep you from getting to her.

It’s important to remember that our love relationships are crucial to our emotional well-being but they can also bring upset when things go wrong and the distance makes repair seem impossible.

But there are things you can do before you leave that can help prevent miscommunications and heartache in the field:

1. Before you go.

Eliminate low-criteria relationships. If you are in a vulnerable new relationship or one based on more sex than love, you might hold false hope that this kind of relationship can sustain you over time and distance.

But a tenuous relationship that isn’t sexually exclusive and emotionally committed is more likely to fall apart while you are away. And when you are on the battlefield, even the loss of a thin string can feel like a catastrophe.

So, be strong. Let go of light relationships before you go — and tell your mom, your sister and your aunts you’ll be in regular contact for moral support.

2. Get support for your partner.

If you have a spouse or girlfriend and children back home, understand that life is about to get harder for them, too. The feelings of loss and abandonment (especially on kids) can be traumatic.

Talk about this before you go. Find trustworthy friends and family and enlist them to be a support structure to replace you while you’re away.

While you are away, you need to focus on your work and not about being assaulted with teary texts from a lonely spouse. Talk all this through before you go.

“Despite all the forms of communication, couples suffer

because they don’t make a commitment to their dreams.”

3. Schedule communication.

If you know you’ll have contact via text, Skype or email, make a schedule of communication with your partner you can practically maintain.

The brain works like a clock and feels secure with a consistent schedule of communication, even if it’s only once per week. Make it the same time if you can.

And always choose phone or Skype over text communication. Text is void of body language, vocal tone, facial expression, even pheromones. It’s like listening to your favorite band without the lead singer or the drums. There is much room for misunderstanding.

4. Divide up chores.

When you are home, you are able to be a more active participant in the daily lives of your family. But when you are on a tour of duty, you may only be able to tend to a few things, if anything at all.

Have this talk with your spouse. Decide what things you can and can’t do from afar. Depending on your assignment, that may range from online bill paying or helping the kids with homework via Skype, to absolutely nothing but a paycheck sent home.

Make sure you and your spouse have a plan for this. And when things change in the field, communicate that rather than snapping at your spouse that she is asking too much of you.

And when you return, realize that you’ll have to make the switch back to equal participant.

5. Make a NO-BREAKUP rule.

Discuss with your partner the trauma that a relationship breakup can cause to a soldier on the battlefield. Make a pact, that no matter what, there will be no breaking up while you are on a tour of duty.

Explain the special importance of being a military love-partner. Ask your partner if they are really up for this challenge.

You are not asking for a lifetime commitment. You are asking for a commitment of sexual and emotional faithfulness until you get home. (This is why those low-criteria relationships need to go.)

Remember, short-term love begins with sexual attraction and hormones but long-term love is an intellectual decision. Love is a choice. And for you two, making the serious decision to remain exclusive, supportive and in love can save a soldier’s life.

6. Make a future relationship goal.

During the Second World War, troops maintained their hope and sanity with a single photograph and a perfumed love note. Their emotional health was sustained by the big plans that were ahead of them back home.

Today, despite all the forms of communication, couples suffer because they don’t make a commitment to their dreams. If your relationship is secure, loving and supportive, discuss your dreams together.

Whether those dreams are to get married, buy a house, go on an amazing vacation, or have a baby, make a pact to focus on your dreams together. And have your partner remind you often of that end goal.