Whatever the reason, “failure to launch” is not necessarily indicative of any kind of failure at all. But it does make a difference in the way you date her.

“My house, my rules.”

For starters, she is most likely not the head of the household. Her parents understand that she is a grown woman, but you have to understand that she is also their little girl.

When you date a girl who lives with her parents, you have to court her mother and father too, if you want to be successful.

Not only will your girlfriend judge you based on how you treat the most special people in her life, but having the parents on your side can be a big plus in moving your relationship ahead.

When you pick her up, make sure you are cordial to her parents. Be a little old-fashioned: Bring a small bouquet the first time and pull out one special flower for Mom.

Sit it down and chat with them and get to know them as people. And let them get to know who you are, too.

Fill them in on your plans for the evening and assure them their daughter will be in good hands.

There is nothing more frustrating and suspicious to parents than the stock high school answers to their questions:

• “Where are you going?”
• “Out.”
• “What are you going to do?”
• “Nothing.”

Tell them about your date, both before and after if possible. Compliment their daughter. And get her home early the first few times, preferably while they’re still awake.

Let them see you truly like and respect their daughter and acknowledge their role as heads of the household.

“Dating a girl who lives with her

parents can actually be a big plus.”

Start early and end early.

You might be used to picking a girl up at 9 or 10 p.m. so you can still get a good table at the nightclub but won’t have too long to wait for the joint to start jumping. Start off with a few more parent-friendly dates instead.

Pick her up at 7 p.m. for a nice dinner and a good conversation. Then maybe have a couple of cocktails and a game of pool at Dave & Buster’s or a neighborhood pub.

There will be plenty of time for some great kisses in the car, and you can still have her home before midnight.

Once you gain the trust and friendship of all parties, have some later dates, but just let the parents know what is happening ahead of time and what time they should expect her to be home. Then honor the deadline you set.

Make the first sleepover out of town.

If the romantic magic is happening for both of you, you will want to take things to the next level after a month or two.

But bringing her home Sunday morning after a Saturday night date is a hard thing for parents to swallow.

Plan the first sleepover by taking a trip to visit your parents, go fishing or hiking, or take a trip to the big water park three hours away.

The parents will still know what other activities you will be getting involved in at that nice little bed and breakfast in the mountains when the fall colors are at their peak, but the overnight stay can be rationalized as a requirement of the date and the legitimate growth of your relationship.

Plus, your girl will be a lot more at ease too, having really gotten “permission” from her parents to be with you ahead of time.

She can enjoy the romantic evening and come home with excitement and some great stories and pictures of the trip. But if she just spends the night at your place after a date, she will come home hiding her head and diverting her gaze from Mom and Dad, who may be disappointed and concerned.

The fact is that dating a girl who lives with her parents can actually be a big plus. It can force you to start out the dating relationship with realistic limits and family values that will serve you well, not only in your relationship with your girl, but also by earning the respect and accepting love of her whole family as well.

I like this boy who is 21. I’m 17 and will be 18 soon. My mom says it’s all right to talk to this boy, but my dad said I can only talk and be friends with him. I have anxiety and he thinks I’m not ready to date.

What do I do, and who do I listen to?

-Britt

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Listen to your gut and pay attention to the law. The state you are in may not even allow you to date a legal adult until you are one yourself.

As for listening to your gut, move slowly and pay attention to your feelings. If you feel pressured to advance to a physical relationship, even kissing, before you are ready, respect that feeling.

It’s OK to slow down. There are plenty of other men out there, and you have lots of time to practice relationships without getting your heart broken.

Your father just wants to protect you from that pain. (And by the way, a 21-year-old is a man, not a boy, so don’t expect him to be engaging in a juvenile relationship with you.)

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Introducing a man to your friends and family essentially sends a big signal that you expect and want this person to become a greater part of your life and that you expect him to stick around for something approximating “the long haul.”

Because it’s such a big deal, it’s a good idea to introduce your date to your loved ones in the right way.

First of all…

Before you introduce your new man to your friends and family, you need to first be absolutely sure he’s someone you like and someone you want to continue seeing indefinitely and make a relatively serious part of your life.

If you aren’t sure about this man, don’t introduce him to your friends and family. When you introduce a man to your loved ones, and then you end things with that man soon after, you will feel embarrassed and your friends and family will be confused.

Repeat this cycle often enough and your loved ones will not only get annoyed and frustrated with you, but they will also stop taking it seriously whenever you say you met someone you care a lot about.

Save yourself and your loved ones these potential hassles and make sure you really like a guy before the two of you do the rounds.

“No matter what, take a slow, gradual approach to

introducing your man to your friends and family.”

Bring him to your friends first.

As a general rule, you want to integrate your man into your social circle before you introduce him to your family. It’s a good idea to use your friends as something of a “test run” before bringing him to your siblings and your parents.

Introducing your man to your friends first serves a couple purposes. Primarily, it lets you ease your man into your personal life rather than thrusting him front and center.

Taking this gradual approach will help you and your man feel comfortable about the pace your relationship is progressing at. Slowing down the process will help reduce stage fright and minimize embarrassment and damage to your reputation if things don’t go exactly as planned.

The easiest way to introduce your man to your friends is to simply bring him along to a social event. This is low pressure because it won’t feel like the spotlight is on him. It will feel like he’s just part of the group hanging out.

If your man is shy, then bring him to a small social event, like a brunch or drinks with a couple close friends, so he will know some of your friends a little better before you thrust him into a big party where you already know everyone.

Then comes your family.

By contrast, it’s generally a better idea to introduce your man to a small number of your family members before you bring him along to a big outing where all the cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and great grandparents will have their say.

Introduce your man to your parents or your siblings in a casual manner at first, such as if he’s picking you up from their house or through some other occurrence where they can meet, shake hands and talk for just a couple of minutes.

Only after a couple of these occasions is it a good idea to have him over for dinner or some other more focused, higher pressure and longer lasting event.

No matter what, take a slow, gradual approach to introducing your man to your friends and family. Don’t feel in a rush. If he’s really as great as you believe him to be, he’ll be sticking around for some time.

Not only will forming a relationship with your girlfriend’s parents change how you approach your relationship, it will also change the way your woman views you and your shared connection.

In other words — do not take meeting your girlfriend’s parents lightly.

Does location matter?

If you live in the same city as your girlfriend’s parents, you may feel meeting them carries less weight than if they live far away from you and your woman. To a certain extent, this assumption is correct.

Walking a block from your apartment to grab brunch with your girlfriend’s parents sends a less purposeful signal than flying from New York City to Shanghai for the express purpose of meeting her mom and dad.

Still, the difference between traveling halfway down the street and traveling halfway around the world to meet your girlfriend’s parents isn’t nearly as large as you might think.

No matter the difficulty or ease underlying your travel plans, the meeting itself means the same basic thing: “I’m an important part of your daughter’s life and I want to be part of your life as well.”

In fact, falling into the trap of meeting your girlfriend’s parents early on in your relationship due to logistical convenience carries with it many unexpected side effects.

The earlier you meet your girlfriend’s parents, the sooner you begin to develop the depth of your relationship, and the faster you commit to your girlfriend’s parents, the faster you will commit to her in a serious way.

Grabbing a quick brunch may seem casual and inconsequential, but it can set off a chain reaction that takes your relationship places you may not feel ready to explore just yet.

“There’s no reason to meet your girlfriend’s parents

until the two of you reach a mutual realization.”

But isn’t commitment a good thing?

Commitment is a great thing — provided you commit to the right woman.

There’s no way to know whether you’ve met the “right” woman until the two of you date for at least a couple months. As a general rule, it’s a bad idea to commit seriously to a woman until the two of you have been seeing each other for at least six months.

You certainly don’t want to entertain the notion of meeting a woman’s parents until you’re sure she’s worth dating, which means the absolute shortest period of time you should wait to meet a woman’s parents is half a year.

You will act with even more sense if you wait about a year to meet a woman’s parents. A year will give you and your woman an initial six months to make sure you really want to date each other and an additional six months to share a serious relationship to cement your commitment.

At the end of a year together, you and your woman will know for sure whether the connection you share is “real” and something you want to continue to share indefinitely. And there’s no reason to meet your girlfriend’s parents until the two of you reach this mutual realization.

If you’re experiencing some anxiety and apprehension about your first rendezvous with her folks, don’t be alarmed. Feeling nervous about meeting mom and dad is completely normal.

After all, this is a big step in your relationship. Sure, you should take measures to make a good impression, but there’s no need to get in a tizzy over your upcoming get-together.

Here are the 10 rules for meeting her parents:

1. Dress to impress.

This should go without saying, but so many guys miss this crucial point. Show up looking sharp, showered and shaved.

You don’t need to go and rent a tux, but you shouldn’t show up in a stained T-shirt, flip-flops or raggedy jeans that sag below your butt cheeks either.

2. Meet at a neutral place.

For the first meeting, choose a locale that is conducive to great conversation, but be sure to get together somewhere other than mom and dad’s.

If you go to a public place, you meet as equals. If you show up to their house, you’re already in a one-down position.

3. Bring a gift for mom, a firm handshake for dad.

Flowers are the perfect way to greet your gal’s mother. Women love these kinds of gestures.

When you meet dad, look him in the eye, give him a confident handshake, and introduce yourself with a first and last name.

“You want her ma and pa to

get to know the real you.”

4. Pick up the tab.

Absolutely insist on paying for your meal or coffee shop visit. You may want to let the waiter know in advance that you plan to pay (in private, of course).

That way, he will bring you the check and there won’t be any awkwardness about who should pick up the tab.

5. Stay away from talk of politics.

Talk of politics has the potential to position you as public enemy number one if you offer what they perceive to be the “wrong” opinion.

If her parents steer the conversation in that direction, do your best to cleverly avoid giving up too many opinions. Instead, ask “What do you think?” and use their answers as a compass to determine how to move forward.

6. Praise their princess.

Be sure to tell them how much you care about their daughter and what a pleasure it has been to get to know her.

Tell them how the two of you met, and offer a few stories about fun times you’ve shared together.

7.  Assure them that you plan to be around a while.

This lets them know you aren’t a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” kind of guy and that your intentions with their daughter are sincere.

8. Be prepared to talk about yourself.

Dads are good for this one! Deliver a brief and humble speech about who you are and what you represent.

Highlight all your masculine qualities — you are a veteran, you went to college on a football scholarship, you are a big hockey fan. Chances are, you’ll mention something dad can relate to and you’ll be bonding in no time.

9. Don’t drink booze.

No matter what. Even if your girlfriend’s mother and father are the party type and encourage you to drink with them, don’t do it.

Explain that you are the designated driver for the evening and you’ll be transporting precious cargo later (aka their little girl). Tell them you’re not willing to risk an accident. Being sober keeps you in control.

10. Be yourself but less is more.

Don’t get so comfortable that you begin rattling on about this or that, and be sure you don’t dominate the conversation. In addition to sharing information about yourself, encourage communication that focuses on mom and dad.

Remember, this meeting isn’t all about them getting to know you. This is also an opportunity for you to get to know them in the hopes that you can forge a positive, long-term relationship.

So there you have it  — the key components of proper etiquette for your first meeting with the parents. No matter the outcome, if you follow this protocol, you can at least walk away from the evening knowing you did your best.

Remember to relax and be yourself. After all, you want her ma and pa to get to know the real you, the guy their daughter fell in love with, not an imposter.

In real life, a.k.a. not the Silver Screen, knowing when to meet the parents is an actual issue many women have to deal with. There are so many variables:

• How long have you been with your beau?
• Do the parents live locally?
• Is he close with them?
• Are you a family-oriented chick?

Let’s look at a few different situations and determine if the time is right to meet ma and pa:

1. You’re engaged.

Duh! If you’re going to marry this man, then you need to know where he came from. Even if he keeps telling you “They’re crazy,” you still need to spend some time to get to know them. A meet-and-greet is an absolute must, and you should put on your best party dress, read an etiquette book and impress the hell out of them.

2. They’re from out of town.

Say you’ve only been with your guy for a month or two and he invites you to dinner with his parents, who are missionaries in Africa. You should definitely be there because who knows when they will be stateside again? Well, that’s if you see this relationship going somewhere. If it’s just a fling for you and it’s obviously something more to him, then you need to have a big talk.

3. You’re being pressured.

Maybe your boyfriend’s parents live five minutes away from your apartment and you’ve only been together for two weeks. Do you take the plunge and have drinks — just the four of you? I’d say you should politely decline and mention that the relationship is relatively new and there will be plenty of future opportunities to meet the Mr. and Mrs. After all, they’re only a short ride away.

Like I said, there are a lot of different factors that come into play when determining if it’s the right time to meet your guy’s parents. It could be a once in a lifetime opportunity or a pressure cooker to see where the relationship is going. Either way, trust your gut instinct and do what feels right to you.

If your parents are completely out of touch with reality and don’t like the new beau because of something superficial like tattoos, piercings or the fact that he’s not a doctor or lawyer, then screw them.

The following are completely reasonable and acceptable reasons for why your parents wouldn’t like your boyfriend, and you should heed their advice:

• He doesn’t treat you well.
• He abuses you either physically or verbally.
• He mooches off of you.
• He’s rude and disrespectful.
• He considers a full-time job playing video games in his boxers.

The following are totally lame reasons for your parents not to like your boyfriend, and you might as well ignore their opinion on the matter:

• He’s a struggling yet passionate and hardworking artist.
• He didn’t go to Yale or another Ivy League school.
• His idea of fashion is a tank top and board shorts.
• He has tattoos or piercings.
• He drives a beat-up truck.

If your parents don’t like the guy you’re dating, take some time to think about your relationship with your parents and the reasons why they don’t like him. There is where your answer lies.

Remember, if it wasn’t for his influence, she wouldn’t be the woman she is today. Doing something special to express gratitude to your girlfriend’s father for being such a positive role model will go a long way. Not only will her dad see you in a whole new light, you’ll win mega bonus points from your gal for being so thoughtful and demonstrating that you have the kind of class she’s looking for in a man.

Don’t worry. Taking care of dad doesn’t have to break the bank. There are plenty of gift items to consider that cost less than $100, and unless you’re looking to ask him for his daughter’s hand in marriage anytime soon, you shouldn’t go over the top anyway. Even if you have the cash to do something that will bring about the wow factor — like getting him a new set of golf clubs or a trip to Vegas — you should keep your Father’s Day gift simple and inexpensive.

You don’t want her dad to think you are trying to buy his approval. You just want him to understand that you plan on sticking around for a while, that you care for his daughter and you think he’s a great guy.

Before you buy anything for her dad, keep in mind you might need to do some research. Depending on how well you know the guy, you may have to ask your girlfriend for some pointers. Does he like to cook? Does he love scuba diving? Is he into model airplanes? She should be able to point you in the right direction if you don’t know much about him and feel confused about what to get for him.

Here are five great Father’s Day ideas that won’t set you back a stack of Benjamins:

1. Purchase a golf package.

What better way to spend an afternoon than with your girlfriend’s dad having some quality tee time? When it comes to older gentlemen, most of them have an appreciation for the game of golf and enjoy the activity. Buy a gift certificate and allow him to pick the date and time. Tell him you’ll pick him up and take him home. This will give the two of you a great opportunity to take part in some male bonding and get to know each other better.

2. Buy him a bottle of fine wine.

Many men have an acquired taste for white, red or vintage wines, and some even have a custom wine cellar built into their home. Be sure he actually drinks before you buy this gift, though. It would be a tragic mistake if you show up with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and the guy’s a recovering alcoholic.

3. Bring a box of premium cigars.

Again, be sure he enjoys smoking a good stogie before you make this purchase. Many men who don’t smoke cigarettes do enjoy a cigar every now and then, and this is a very appropriate gift for one guy to give to another. If the occasion presents itself, ask him to go outside so the two of you can talk while you puff away. This is a great opportunity to get him alone and converse with him on a deeper level.

4. Find something with his favorite logo.

• Is he a huge Dallas Cowboys fan?
• Did he graduate from the University of Arizona?
• Was he in the Marine Corps?

Choosing something that represents one of his specific interests is a great idea. A sweatshirt, a baseball cap or a Zippo lighter are all perfect examples of the kind of items you should be looking for.

5. Get a game.

Whether it’s Scrabble, dominoes, chess or checkers, if the man likes to play strategic games, he’ll really appreciate this gesture. Of course, the game must come with a challenge. Tell him you’d like to play him at a later date and follow up with a phone call to schedule.

Keep in mind that whatever gift you choose for your girlfriend’s dad should be oriented to the things he enjoys, not your interests and activities. Be sure to find a way to work your expression of thanks into your presentation of whatever you select for him. “I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am to be with your daughter. You did a fine job raising her. She is a wonderful woman.” This is key so don’t leave this crucial piece out of the puzzle. Also, if you have been invited to take part in Father’s Day festivities, be sure to bring a bouquet of flowers for the lady of the house.

1. Spirits and ale.

It may seem a little cliche, but most men really do enjoy having a bottle of something special around the house. The trick is to personalize it or make it something beyond the ordinary. Men are rational and frugal beings, so they tend to pass by the good stuff and grab a bottle from the bottom shelf, just to have it around in case company drops by. Get something from the top shelf and add something personal that will still be there when the bottle is empty.

If he likes whiskey, get him a boxed decorative bottle of Jack Daniel’s, Maker’s Mark or Dewar’s that he can use as a decanter afterwards. If he likes scotch, get the 18-year-old Chivas Regal instead of the 12 year, or give him the Johnny Walker Black Label instead of the Red. Gin, rum, bourbon, vodka — they all have special brands that stand head and shoulders above the rest. Get him a crystal lowball glass, shot glass or a nice pour spout to go with it.

If he’s a beer-only guy, don’t get him a six pack of Bud. That would be like getting a gallon of milk or tub of margarine as a gift. It’s going to be there anyway, so it won’t stand out as something special. But be careful too about fancy imports. He might buy American only, or his tastes might be all-American. Many foreign labels can be very bitter by comparison.

If you want to get him a foreign brand, try pegging it to your heritage. Get him Corona if you have some Mexican blood, San Miguel if you have family that hails from the Philippines, or Killian’s Red if you have a wee bit of the Irish in ya. These are all very compatible with the American palate and will give him a reason to enjoy and share a part of your heritage. Get him two nice mugs (you don’t want him to drink alone, do you?) that he can keep in the freezer for a frosty brew any time. Don’t get him one of those two-liter mug-strosities, just something nice and normal.

Wine and a nice set of wine glasses would be great too, but you’re on your own there!

“If you can add a personal angle or make it something he

can use but would never buy for himself, so much the better.”

2. Accessories.

Men like any kind of pocket item or other accessory that has a little heft as well as some kind of useful function. A nice keychain, money clip or pocket knife is something he is likely to carry with him all the time. He probably hasn’t had a pocket knife since he was a kid, and it might bring back good feelings of a special time in his life. One with a screwdriver and corkscrew might be especially appreciated. Just remind him not to take it to the airport or government buildings.

Leather goods, belt buckles and a pocket-sized or small tool set for his office drawer will also impress him. These are all things men enjoy but would never buy for themselves.

3. Electronics.

If you’re working and have a higher budget for gifts, consider a small portable radio that gets TV audio from local stations or an MP3 player loaded with music he likes. Satellite radio for his car will get him all the talk, oldies and jazz he can handle, and it could be as easy as buying a subscription through the OnStar service he already has. Or a hand-held GPS device or navigation app for his phone might be just the thing to bring him into the 21st century in that old Buick he loves to drive. A digital camera, headphones or even a universal remote control might be something he would love.

4. And the list goes on…

How about a nice travel bag if he’s on the go a lot or a leather briefcase to replace that tattered piece of junk he carries? A CD Beatles collection — or Fleetwood Mac, Aerosmith, or whoever he loved from his generation — could be a great gift, too. A box of nice golf balls or tennis balls is far from a cheap gift today, and it’s something that he can really use, too.

Tickets to a ballgame for him and his son, a gift certificate to take his wife out to dinner, or a gift card from the Home Depot will also impress and be appreciated.

Just remember that men like things they can use more than things that will collect dust. If you can add a personal angle or make it something he can use but would never buy for himself, so much the better. And, of course, every potential father-in-law will love a hug from a girl he is beginning to think of as a daughter.

What is wrong with a soon-to-be-divorced dad dating a divorced woman who happens to be his daughter’s boyfriend’s mom?

-Donnie C. (Pennsylvania)

Expert’s Answer:

Hello Donnie,

I’m assuming you are the “soon-to-be-divorced dad”? Let’s say you are. There are a few huge red flags when it comes to dating your daughter’s boyfriend’s mom. Let’s start with the fact that you’re not even divorced yet. I think that because there are children involved, you should wait until the divorce is final before getting into a serious relationship. It’s OK to date here and there, but keep it at that until everyone in the situation has healed or is at least being congenial.

Second, there are billions of women in the world. Why do you have to date your daughter’s boyfriend’s mom? I mean honestly, dating one of the lunch ladies at her school or her gynecologist would cause less embarrassment. Divorce can be a very difficult situation for all involved. Make sure to put your children first, and don’t make it any harder on them than it should be.