Is it dumb to wish for the kind of true love as in the movies?

-Randy (Wisconsin)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Movie love is so tidy, isn’t it? Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl again. Bring up thundering music, zoom in on passionate kiss, fade to happily ever after.

Randy, is this really what you want? A simple plot formula designed to inspire hope and stir up a quiet desperate loneliness in the audience.

Movie love is about as close to real love as movie theater popcorn butter is to the butter. One comes out of a can, the other out of an animal’s breast. Movie love is a mind trick done with smoke and mirrors: fleeting glances, dramatic music and erotic love scenes where no one loses an erection or gets a bladder infection.

But your real question, Randy, is, are you dumb? Of course you are not dumb! Are we all dumb to crave salt, sugar and fat? No way. Our anthropological ancestors grew an insatiable craving for these trace nutrients and every fast food restaurant has capitalized on that craving today.

Likewise, our small band of wondering hunter/gatherers developed a serious craving for love and connection with any foreign genes they encountered – a way to enlarge the gene pool. And now Hollywood has capitalized on that craving for you.

Real love, my dear Randy, is a choice, an intellectual commitment to exchange care with another person, even when that other person looks not one bit like a rom-com heroine. And the ability to have that is what make us human, not manufactured.

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Back in the day, Hollywood portrayed older women in stereotypical rolls — the spinster, the grandma, the crotchety matriarch. Today, the Silver Screen welcomes women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond to play the lead.

For senior women, the movie theater has become a great place to learn about dating, or at the very least to have a good belly laugh.

Here are a few movies that are completely loveable and even a little educational when it comes to finding Mr. Right.

1. “It’s Complicated.”

This romantic comedy starring Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin is a riot. It follows Jane (Streep), the owner of a successful bakery in Southern California, and Jake (Baldwin), an attorney.

Jane and Jake are a divorced couple with three grown kids who start having an affair, even though Jake is married to the much younger Agness. At the same time, Jane is falling for Adam (Martin), an architect hired to remodel her home.

2. “Something’s Gotta Give.”

Another great romantic comedy. “Something’s Gotta Give” features Jack Nicholson (Harry) and Diane Keaton (Erica) — near complete opposites — as they form a friendship and eventually fall in love.

Julian Mercer, a doctor at the local hospital played by Keanu Reeves, also courts Keaton, a successful playwright in her 50s.

Can Harry stop dating younger women and admit to himself that he’s in love with Erica?

3. “Under the Tuscan Sun.”

Based on Frances Mayes’ 1996 memoir of the same name, “Under the Tuscan Sun” follows Frances Mayes, a recently divorced writer from San Francisco who takes an Italian vacation to try and shake her depression.

She ends up buying a villa in Tuscany and begins her new life with a variety of interesting characters. Will Frances find love again?

4. “How Stella Got Her Groove Back.”

Angela Bassett plays Stella, a very successful, 40-year-old stockbroker living in Marin County, Calif. with her son.

One of Stella’s best friends persuades her to take a first-class vacation to Jamaica (a well-deserved and much-needed break), where she falls in love with Winston Shakespeare (Taye Diggs), a handsome islander 20 years younger. Will their love last?

Movies are meant to entertain, enlighten and educate. While there aren’t hundreds of films geared toward senior women and dating, the Silver Screen is becoming more welcoming to senior women playing the object of affection and the sex object.

Romantic comedies get a bad reputation for following similar and generic storylines — two complete opposites come together under ridiculous circumstances but somehow work out their differences, after several unrealistic and cliche incidents, and fall in love.

Instead of forcing your boyfriend to sit through another Nicholas Sparks marathon, pick one of these romantic movies that he will enjoy, too.

1. “500 Days of Summer.”

This movie doesn’t exactly end happily ever after for the couple, but then again, the narrator warns viewers in the opening scene that this is not a love story. “500 Days of Summer” is as close to real life love and heartbreak as any romantic movie can get, especially because it balances the touching moments with ones of brutal honesty.

This movie highlights every emotion in a relationship — passion, confusion, trust, hypocrisy, understanding, misunderstanding. Plus, who can resist Zooey Deschanel’s striking blue eyes and Joseph Gorden-Levitt’s charm?

2. “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”

Who hasn’t wanted their memories erased after a bad breakup? “Eternal Sunshine” makes that happen for its main characters, played by Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

As the two go through the erasing process, there’s a part of you that wishes this technology was real. But upon seeing happier times of the couple, the message becomes clear that all failed relationships have good times worth remembering.

3. “The Fountain.”

“The Fountain” is one of the most unique romantic movies in that it blends elements of romance with fantasy, history and science fiction. The film centers on Tom and his wife Izzi, whose lives are told in three storylines, all of which reflect themes of love and mortality.

In each scenario, Tom goes to extreme lengths to save Izzi’s life, whether it’s finding a cure for her cancer, discovering the Tree of Life for his queen or traveling to a far off planet. Time, space and death can’t diminish his love — no matter how corny that sounds.

4. “The Princess Bride.”

This movie speaks to the inner prince in most men. What guy hasn’t dreamed of battling giants, fighting off Rodents of Unusual Size, scaling the Cliffs of Insanity and saving his one true love? The humor is subtle and outlandish, and you can’t help but feel mushy as Wesley and Buttercup share the most passionate, most pure kiss since the invention of the kiss.

“The refreshing narrative helps viewers see

that love can be found in the simplest forms.”

5. “Groundhog Day.”

Bill Murray’s portrayal of a selfish TV meteorologist covering the annual Groundhog Day festivities is unforgettable. As he relives the same day over and over again, his efforts to get closer to his co-worker repeatedly fail.

It’s a nightmare and a dream come true because he gets more than one chance to win the girl over, even though it’s beyond frustrating to constantly wake up to Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You, Babe.” Murray’s character exposes a person’s most unflattering flaws as he does some shocking things in the name of love.

6. “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

A Hawaiian paradise, a gang of wacky, well-meaning characters and Kristen Bell seem like the traditional makings of a romantic comedy, but “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” explores familiar territory (breakups) in new ways. Can you say “full-frontal male nudity”?

As Peter, played by Jason Segel, overcomes his heartache and finds someone new, we begin to realize that sometimes our past lovers aren’t always as great as we make them out to be.

7. “The Graduate.”

Most people don’t associate “The Graduate” with romance, but then again, most people probably haven’t had a friend’s parent seduce them. Put falling for the seducer’s daughter into the mix and you’ve got romance coming out the yingyang.

Dustin Hoffman’s character, Benjamin, tackles some pretty unusual obstacles to be with Elaine. Sure he sleeps with her mom, takes her to a topless bar on their first date and stalks her on her college campus, but he doesn’t give up. That’s romantic, right?

8. “Say Anything.”

John Cusack, a boombox and Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” — it’s one of the most iconic scenes from an 80s movie. The movie sheds new light on young love, one’s first time and the joy and pain of growing up.

9. “Love Actually.”

A British comedy that combines heartwarming and painful realities, “Love Actually” intertwines the lives of several couples and singles who are all dealing with love’s usual suspects — cheating spouses and unrequited love.

The refreshing narrative helps viewers see that love really is all around and can be found in the simplest forms.

10. “Sex Drive.”

While this may seem like another raunchy teen movie on the surface, underneath it’s a hilarious telling of a teen’s quest to find himself. As Ian sets out on a road trip with his two best friends, one of which he is secretly in love with, to meet his first sexual conquest, mishaps inevitably ensue.

The trio end up learning that what they were looking for was right in front of them the whole time, something most people don’t realize until it’s too late. And if Fallout Boy, a sarcastic Amish farmer (played by Seth Green) and a malfunctioning taco costume don’t say romance, I don’t know what does.

Well, it’s probably not fair to say it “ruined” love, but it gave a lot of people highly unreachable expectations of what love really is. The Silver Screen has a way of doing that to us everyday people.

Instead of looking for a mate we share similar morals, ethics, friendships and goals with, we look for a mate who can create a fantasy world that only Hollywood has the budget to construct.

Here I look at five of the top love quotes from movies and offer a verdict on whether they reflect love in real life or the kind of love only John and Ione can create.

1. “The greatest thing you’ll learn is to love and be loved.” – “Moulin Rouge”

Verdict: Absolutely — a real-life quote. Love can conquer all, right? The biggest joy in life is to love and be loved in return. Whether it’s the love between a husband and wife, mother and child or best friends, love conquers all.

2. “I can live without you. I just don’t want to.” – “Rumor Has It”

Verdict: Another great real-life quote. Reality is that we can live without being in love. I’m sure there are people who die at 90 and have never been in love. But why would we want to?

Jennifer Aniston’s character is being practical. She loves this man and wants to be with him but is saying she’ll survive if he doesn’t love her back.

“It has been the job of the Silver Screen to entertain

audiences and get their minds off of everyday life.”

3. “You’re my only reason to stay alive, if that’s what I am.” – “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

Verdict: Nope! If the only reason you’re staying alive is because of the man in your life, then you need to get a life. Don’t you have a career you’re passionate about or an unbreakable group of girlfriends?

Sista, fill your life with something other than a man.

4. “Love is too weak a word for what I feel. I luuurve you.” – “Annie Hall”

Verdict: Intoxicatingly quirky and a great example of real life. This is how couples talk when they are truly in love, and “Annie Hall” does a great job of showing Hollywood how us everyday people love.

5. “If I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.” – “Runaway Bride”

Verdict: A fantastic marriage proposal and real-life movie quote from two of the best on-screen couples. Julia and Richard cannot do any wrong when it comes to convincing an audience of true love.

Hollywood has a funny way of showing us love. For more than a century, it has been the job of the Silver Screen to entertain audiences and get their minds off of everyday life — the good and the bad.

When a movie romanticizes love, sometimes it’s done in a real-life (oh, that’s like my relationship) way. And in others, it’s so far from fathomable that we are left wondering how to search for real love.

Let’s take a quick look at some of the most famous movie quotes of all time on love and see how they measure up to reality!

1. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” — “Love Story”

If only this were true! Unfortunately, everyone who has ever been in love knows full well that serious, committed relationships are filled with apologies. In fact, it’s more accurate to say that love is about continuously saying “I’m sorry.” And this is a good thing.

Shared personal growth stands as one of the cornerstones of falling in love and committing to a serious relationship. You and your partner can’t help each other grow if you both refuse to admit each other’s faults. And if you fail to acknowledge and act on the personal shortcomings your partner makes abundantly clear, and if you aren’t allowing your partner to help you grow, then you need to ask yourself why you are with this person in the first place.

Yet, there is a shadow of truth in this quote. Love may not be about “never having to say you’re sorry,” but it is about knowing your apologies will always be accepted.

2. “You complete me.” — “Jerry Maguire”

This is arguably the most famous movie quote about love to come out of American cinema over the last two decades, and it’s also one of the most dishonest.

But if this line is so inaccurate, then why is it so famous? Was it Tom Cruise’s sobbing delivery? Nope. Was the line dropped in the context of an otherwise well-written and believable love story? Not at all. This “you complete me” line spread like wildfire because it flatters one of our most persistent cultural myths — that searching for love is really about searching for your “other half.”

The sooner this false notion of somehow being less than full people living less than full lives goes by the wayside, the sooner we can all enter our dating lives without the baggage and colossal expectations that damage so many potentially great connections.

3. “We’re gonna have to work at this every day.” — “The Notebook”

At first glance, the popular cinematic romance “The Notebook” appears to be another dishonest piece of cotton candy fluff. But at the heart of this movie lies a slyly subversive beat, the reality that not only is love not always pretty, but the fact that love is, in fact, hard work.

“The Notebook” uses its central shop-worn conceit of the meeting of two star-crossed lovers from different sides of the tracks and uses it for more than just manufacturing overwrought plot points. It uses the exaggerated difficulties of the central couple’s courtship to highlight the very real fact that the long-term reality of being in love is never as easy as the momentary thunderbolt strike of falling in love.

4. “As you wish.” — The Princess Bride

“The Princess Bride” transcends its apparent limitations. It’s a love story with engaging action, it’s a fairy tale that amusingly comments on other sword-and-sorcery stories, and it’s ostensibly a children’s movie that works even better for adults.

The plot is simple to start with. Farm boy Wesley falls in love with above-his-station Buttercup. Every time Buttercup asks him to do something for her, he complies with a simple “As you wish.” One day Buttercup realizes that every time Wesley says “As you wish,” he really means “I love you.”

Oddly enough, this simple phrase is the most honest quote about love, especially masculine love, on this list. It is love expressed by devoted action, not by flashy declaration.

Conventional wisdom tells us that a movie does not give a couple the opportunity to relate to and talk to each other because they are paying attention to the movie. Of course, a nice dinner before or spending an hour or two together afterwards can take care of that problem — plus it can give a new couple something to talk about.

But a movie does not advance the bonding process of a relationship. It is best to plan most dates around the interests and activities of one or both of the parties involved. Seeing her favorite Monét exhibit at the art museum or taking her to meet your friends for a beer and a ballgame will get you more involved in each other’s lives, which is really the cement that binds two people together.

A movie you both want to see can make for a great date, but maybe start out by cooking dinner for her at your place instead of going to a restaurant. Just be sure to do some things that will allow you to become a real part of each other’s real life, too.