By analyzing recorded speed dating sessions, researchers from Stanford University have determined four minutes is enough time to forge a meaningful relationship.

Published in the American Journal of Sociology, the study consisted of nearly 1,000 heterosexual couples – mostly Stanford graduate students.

Researchers Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky used computer software to analyze and compare the couples while on several four-minute dates. Each participant also filled out a survey before and after the dates.

McFarland said he wanted to get a better understanding of why some couples experience an immediate connection while others do not.

“We wanted to get at what the essence of the connection is, what makes people feel like they bonded,” he said.

“Participants rated a higher level of connection

when the discussion focused on the woman.”

The results show how words are spoken, when and for how long determines if a couple will “click.”

Women reported more of a connection to dates who were sympathetic and supportive, while both men and women rated a higher level of connection when the discussion focused mainly on the woman.

“You could say men are self-centered and women are always trying to please men, but it turns out that’s just not true,” McFarland said. “This is a situation in life where women have the power. Women feel disconnected when they have to ask men questions or when men ask them questions.”

The study also found women were more likely to be selective in determining a connection with a date.

One of the post-date questions asked whether each partner would be interested in seeing the person again on a more complete date. In such cases where both were interested, a real date was arranged.

Source: Standford University. Photo source: hotdatehot.com.

While that might be fun for a while, most couples know that continuing those sort of dates weekly makes for an expensive courtship. Besides, it’s just not very practical.

Baby boomer men still often want to pay the bill on the dates. While the senior lady might feel this is lovely and chivalrous of him, she doesn’t want him to think that she thinks he’s just a meal ticket.

Without insulting anyone’s wallet or purse strings, what are some fun, creative and frugal date tips for cost-conscious seniors?

1. Go to a matinee movie.

By selecting to go to a matinee screening, you still get to enjoy a new movie but at a budget price.

Choose a movie that will draw an adult crowd and you’ll avoid the social challenges of the matinee screenings attended by lots of noisy kids. Feel free to smooch with your date in the back row and giggle to yourselves.

“When the weather is warm , why not head to

your local park, beach or outdoor concert?”

2. Attend a second-run movie house.

Alternatively, look for a second-run movie house that features cheap-ticket prices and screenings of movies that have been out for a while. Maybe you were too busy when the movie first opened and you still want to catch it on a large screen.

Opt for the second-run theater and save on the price tag of admission at the same time!

3. Make life a picnic.

When the weather is warm and temperate, why not pack a fun picnic lunch and head to your local park, beach or outdoor concert?

Your price tag might entail having to pay for parking but that’s it. Most places only charge a few dollars.

You can select exactly the foods you two enjoy. Each of you can contribute a dish or two to share and showcase some of your culinary skills.

Bring a bottle of sparkling water to make the meal special and stay within the public drinking guidelines of your locale.

Which senior date idea appeals to you the most to use? What are some inexpensive and romantic date ideas you have?

Photo source: hellobeautiful.com.

Conducted at the University of Toronto, a new study found couples with a higher motivation toward fulfilling their partner’s needs have higher overall levels of desire from day to day.

Published in the May issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science, the study involved 44 men and women ranging in ages from 23 to 60 who had been in their current relationship from three to 39 years.

An initial online survey targeted participants who displayed a strong motivation to meet their partner’s needs without expecting reciprocation. Participants also completed 21 10-minute questionnaires and took part in a follow-up session four months later.

“Those with higher motivation toward fulfilling

their partner’s needs have higher levels of desire.”

Those reporting a lower effort to meeting their partner’s needs had lower levels of desire starting out, with the numbers continuing to decline through to the follow-up.

The results held up even when controlling for factors of age, couples with children and those in longer relationships.

Of the participants in the study, 68 percent were married, with 48 percent having children. Eighty-two percent of the respondents were white.

The study suggests those who maintain a higher level of sexual activity for their partner’s pleasure do so knowing how important it is to both the partner and the long-term health of the union.

Source: Sagepub.com. Photo source: pictures.4ever.eu.

The study, which was published in Mass Communication and Society, found the more an individual believes TV portrayals of romance, the less likely they were to be committed to their relationships.

Researchers recruited more than 390 married couples and asked them how satisfied they felt with their current relationship, what they expected from their relationship, how committed they felt to their relationship, how often they watched TV and how they responded to the shows they watched.

“The more an individual believes TV romances, the

less likely they are to commit to relationships.”

“In this study, I found that people who believe the unrealistic portrayals on TV are actually less committed to their spouses and think their alternatives to their spouse are relatively attractive,” said study author Dr. Jeremy Osborn.

For those readers who may invest themselves a little too much in their favorite scripted TV romances, Dr. Osborn offers a suggestion:

“My hope would be that people would read this article and take a look at their own relationships and the relationships of those around them,” he said. “How realistic are your expectations for your partner and where did those expectations come from?”

Source: Albion.edu. Photo source: therapynathan.wordpress.com.

When you’re getting out of the house more, then it is easy to increase the number of people you meet this week. And some of them may be a mature single like you!

Where are some creative places for mature midlife singles to meet a potential life mate?

1. Farmers markets.

All the new, fresh spring fruits and vegetables emerge at the local farmers market.

Another fun attribute of shopping at the local farmers market is people at the booths are already used to casually conversing with the farmers working the table.

When there is already a conversation going, it is very easy to pose an additional question and comfortably introduce yourself into their exchange.

“This is one of the times that chatting about

your grandchildren can work in your favor.”

2. Springtime plant and garden shows.

Whether you are full bore into your retirement or are merely a weekend gardener while still pursuing your employment career, everyone who plants a bulb, a plant or flower enjoys attending the local town’s plant and garden shows.

Check the schedule to see if there are any lectures or interactive workshops which will get you socially engaged with your fellow senior singles.

If you meet anyone you enjoy conversing with, just invite them to continue the conversation at the show’s concession stand over a cup of coffee. What could be more natural than that?

3. Little league games.

This is one of the times that chatting happily and engagingly about your game-playing grandchildren from the get go can actually work in your favor rather than be a topic to avoid like on a more typical first date.

Everyone in the bleachers is shouting and cheering on their team and amiably interacting with the other people in the stands.

Bring a bag of home-popped popcorn to share with those around you or a batch of cookies for easy ways to break the ice.

Try saying something like, “Would you care for some popcorn? I made too much for just me. Aren’t the kids cute running after the ball like that?”

Which tip can you see yourself pursuing in order to meet more people?

Photo source: visualphotos.com.

I recently met a woman who has been married for 34 years. We became really good friends, but she said some things that made me think she was a lesbian. I wasn’t even thinking about anything lesbian in my life until I got hooked on her.

When I confronted her that I was in love with her, she denied everything. I know she was in love with me also, but I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.

Is it wrong to be a hopeless romantic and believe in fairy tales coming true?

-Crissy (Florida)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Dear Crissy,

As someone who also came out later in life, when we fall in love for the first time, it’s a powerful experience with powerful emotions.

It’s impossible to really know what your friend was thinking or feeling.

So what can you do? Focus on what you have control of – yourself and your mind. Start paying attention to what your mind is doing.

When it starts to think about your friend, make yourself stop and redirect your attention to something else that requires physical effort. Go jogging, take a walk, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn.

By changing what you are doing with your body, you’ll find it easier to move your mind off the friend and into your present.

It’s wonderful to be a romantic, but no one should be hopeless! I believe there is more than one person out there who you can find and fall in love with if you just don’t stop looking.

Great loves are found every day, Chrissy, so stop looking back at someone who doesn’t want you. Step forward into this new life you’ve got and enjoy it.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Yes, it is perfectly feasible to meet these predefined expectations.

For me, however, the key part of creating a romantic feeling is to have a moment in time where you show another person they are the most important person in your life.

Romantic gestures never get old. Instead, they just become classics.

The purpose of this article is to give you some inspiration for romantic gestures that are a little bit different (and can be used at any day of the year).

Don’t forget doing something romantic outside of the expected days makes the gesture feel even more special.

Here are some ideas that may give you some inspiration.

1. A romantic letter left somewhere unexpected.

In writing, tell him how you feel about him and how wonderful you feel when the two of you are together.

2. Create a memory jar for the year.

Jot down his every act of kindness and how he made you feel. At the end of the year, give the jar to him as a present.

“A romantic gesture creates that special

bond between you and your loved one.”

3. Share a dessert.

There are few things more romantic and special than sharing a dessert.

4. A late night walk.

Just the two of you sharing a moment, no distractions, no Internet, no mobile phones.

5. Perform a lap dance for your partner.

This is made even more romantic if you’re not a good dancer, and it leaves him in splits of laughter (and with happy memories).

6. Watch a movie together.

Just the two of you cuddled up on the sofa. Unplug the phone and enjoy the evening together.

Romantic gestures don’t have to be expensive or overblown. A romantic gesture is purely something to show your other half you are thinking about them and you appreciate them.

Feeling wanted is a key component in any good relationship, and a romantic gesture creates that special bond between you and your loved one.

In what ways do you keep the romance alive?

Photo source: mysendoff.com.

If you missed part one, check out How to Rekindle the Dwindling Spark in Your Relationship.

3. Maintenance, maintenance, maintenance.

Things as little as leaving a love note for your partner before you leave for work, sending that romantic text message, giving him a passionate kiss before he goes to work (versus the usual peck on the lips), buying a sexy new bra or pink power panties or scheduling a date night that involves something in which you share a new experience together (e.g. not movie and dinner) helps you make space in your lives (and in your brains) for each other.

A thriving, passionate relationship doesn’t happen by accident. For an extra bonus, set an alarm on your phone to “remind” you to do something extraordinary for your partner at least four days each week.

Whether it’s sexting him, sending an “I am thinking about you” text or buying his favorite cigar for no reason, creating an intention and then taking action can make sure you actually implement your plan for love.

“Feeling good about yourself makes it a whole

lot easier to give more in your relationship.”

4. Timing is everything.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated or you need to talk to your partner about your relationship, time it right.

Don’t ambush him/her right when he/she gets home from work, and don’t rehash or overanalyze yesterday’s events every day.

Allow each other to ease into the rest of the day and make sure you understand how both of you best reintegrate into the relationship.

For an extra bonus, schedule a conversation at night (it can actually be fun!) where you can have a nonjudgmental forum to express to each other any frustration AND what’s working in your relationship.

Make it a hot chocolate night at a local coffee shop or a stroll on the beach, and you’d be surprised about what can come of a planned talk.

5. Take care of your physical and emotional self.

Self-esteem greatly impacts the success of your love relationships. Feeling good about yourself makes it a whole lot easier to give and receive more in your relationship.

Maybe you’re both feeling low self-esteem because work has been rough, or perhaps one partner needs a little motivation in the fitness or diet department.

Taking challenges on together, setting goals as a duo and rewarding each other for reaching individual goals can be a wonderful bonding experience.

Loving “me” will help lead you to loving “we.”

For an extra bonus, sign up for a crossfit gym and plan to go once a week, do a yoga class every Saturday or simply agree to a nightly walk around the block after dinner.

Releasing endorphins together leads to more intimacy and more shared experiences, which is a great way to inject new life into a relationship that needs a boost.

Which of these tips is your favorite way to rekindle the romantic spark?

Photo source: jewishexponent.com.

If you’re in a space where most of what you talk about are the logistics of life, sex seems like something you just “do” and you wish you could feel butterflies again.

Well, it’s time to try a bit harder to keep the romantic flame burning.

Just like a business cycle ebbs, flows, peaks (and, frankly, sometimes tanks), sometimes your relationship will follow the same pattern.

So how can you rekindle the dwindling spark in your relationship?

Dating with Dignity has compiled a few fresh ideas for how to keep your relationship fresh!

1. Plan a vacation.

So you’ve hit a bump. (And we all do.) Don’t panic!

As a first step, you may want to plan a weekend getaway or even a one-day “staycation” at a local hotel/motel.

Getting out of your normal environment and putting yourself in one of relaxation where you can focus on each other (instead of unloading stress from work or other life pressures) can be a good launch pad for putting some sparks back into your relationship.

Make it special. Get that bikini wax (or simply remember to shave your legs!) and set an expectation to return to “courting” behaviors. Then watch what unfolds.

For an extra bonus, try to leave all digital equipment at home and see what it feels like to simply be present where you are with the person you fell in love with.

“Write down the top five things your

partner does that makes you feel loved.”

2. Open up the lines of communication!

If you sense something is off, a good way to maintain the love between the two of you is by opening up communication.

Make sure to have the conversation when you’re in a good space and neither of you are trying to “get something done.”

Put the phone and computer away and simply have some “couch time” to express how you’re meeting each other’s needs.

Communicate what it is that makes you feel loved. Make sure you’re both in a place of receptivity, and check your blame and defensiveness at the door.

Telling your partner about something you’re going to work on as an individual is a great way to let your guy or girl know you care and you want to keep this relationship healthy and happy.

For an extra bonus, get out two pieces of paper and write down the top five things your partner does that makes you feel loved.

It could be 30 minutes of watching a crime drama (versus your reality fare) while sitting by his side without your phone in sight.

And you may tell him you feel loved when he simply checks in during the day via text with a message that expresses how much he cares.

How do you keep the spark alive in your relationship?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

I’ve known this girl for a few months, and she knows I like her. When I asked her out, she agreed and we went out two times. I don’t know how she feels about me. Before we went out, I sang for her. I made a song to show how I feel about her. After singing, she was so speechless and I don’t know what that face meant. Everything was going well for both of us, but still I feel like there’s something wrong.

What should I do now?

-Hibatur Rahman

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Hibatur,

In old-fashioned romantic books, paintings and poems, men courted women. They brought her flowers and chocolate and may even have serenaded her. But today, sadly, such rituals might be considered cheesy – a little too much, over-the-top attention.

Here’s the thing: Both men and women want to date someone of a higher status. We all want to snare a prize.

Men display their status by spending wasteful money on women. Women display their status by attempting to increase their beauty. And when a man courts a woman too hard, she may perceive he is below her.

We all want a little chase – a little unknowing about whether we can have someone’s attention. You gave her your time and your talent right up front and showed your cards a little too early. That’s all.

Now back off a bit. Let some time go between calls and sightings. She’ll notice you when you try a little less hard.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.