The night ended without incident and a hug. I gave him my phone number and he text to make sure I got home safe (good move).

He text me sporadically over the next few weeks with some “How is everything going?” texts.

I liked this guy. I can’t say I like-liked him, but dating is supposed to help me figure that out.

And then I got a text from him weeks after our first and only date asking how my recently broken nose was.

After I told him, he immediately moved into, “Hey listen, I’m getting plenty of first dates on online dating but I can’t seem to get second ones. Was there something about me or from my texts that was off-putting? I figured I’d ask the dating expert.”

This was tricky to try and maneuver. Since he asked, I figured he was prepared for an honest answer, so I gave it to him.

1. He texts too much.

Texting is the modern man’s safety blanket to communication. The problem with that is the modern woman can safely avoid texts, too.

This guy had a lot of personality. It was singularly the best thing he had going for him. But his personality was squashed in bland “How’s your week going?” texts. Blah.

If he had called me and charmed me with his personality, the second date would have been way more likely.

Play your assets. In this case, the phone would have been his asset.

“If he had called me, the second date

would have been way more likely.”

2. He was simply failing to ask for a second date.

I asked him, “How many of these girls did you explicitly ask for a second date with?”

He hemmed and hawed. He was waiting for these girls (including me) to literally tell him to ask them out again. Bad move.

Yes, he might face some rejection but if a girl was on the fence, it’s easier for her to passively text you back every once in a while than it is to outright reject you.

At least you’d know and more possibly you’d get her on the second date where you can charm her again.

As a man, the fear of rejection pervades much or your actions. The problem is it also hinders you from reaching success.

Have you ever had trouble getting the second date with an online match? How do you plan to change that problem?

Photo source: mensfitness.com.

You go away feeling excited about the prospect of seeing that person again, smiling to yourself over the things you said, the laughs you had and the looks you might have been daring enough to exchange.

You might even get excited if you get a text message afterward, confirming it really did go as well as you hoped.

Those first date successes are really something special, and if you end up developing a relationship with that person, it will be those first few hours you’ll look back on fondly.

We put so much effort into that first date because despite some arguments to the contrary, first impressions are generally the most important.

If the first date went so well, what happens on the second?

Whether or not you intended it, you’ve set yourself up against yourself because you’re likely to have been on your best behavior.

This is totally understandable because you want to come across as the nice, fun, sweet and/or cool guy.

The problem, however, is no one is always like this.

The second date, while often overlooked, is of equal importance to that exciting first one.

Hopefully, it will be just as exciting, but you now have to maintain the standards you’ve set for the almost perfect, confident guy you possibly made yourself out to be at first.

This isn’t as bad as you may think. You are that person, even if you’re not able to be like that 24/7.

Think of it like this: Your personality is like sound waves — all you’re doing is amplifying them a bit.

If he comes back for more, your date probably likes what he’s listening to, so don’t be shy.

“If you know you both like each other,

hold off from getting too intense.”

Here are a few tips for keeping things interesting on your second date:

1. Dig deeper.

You probably did the typical thing of talking about yourself on the first date and asking about his background — where he’s from, where he works and what he is interested in.

The second date is the perfect time to expand on that and talk a bit more about those interests.

2. Make it different.

If you went for coffee and/or a drink on date one, don’t repeat that.

Dinner is a tried and tested option, allowing you both to talk more while being in a different environment.

A cinema date might also work on a second date, but this cuts down on the conversation time while you’re sitting in silence for around two hours.

Going for a leisurely walk is a good option, but more intense outdoors activities such as hiking should probably be left for a third or fourth date.

3. Slow and steady!

If you know you both like each other, hold off from getting too intense — conversationally or intimately.

It’s brilliant if you feel a connection, but if you act on it too fast, you may kill it before it has time to lay any foundations.

As well as that, waiting a bit may just build up the tension between you.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with a kiss goodbye, leaving him wanting more!

How do you overcome a second date dilemma?

Photo source: rwbenwick.com.

Now what? Do you do the modern thing and ask him out for the second date?

The answer is NO. Let the man be a man.

There are three things you can do to secure the second date:

1. Give indications you like him.

Playing hard to get is so yesterday.

What you should do on the first date is give indications you are having a great time and you are interested in him: lingering stare with a sexy smile, offer to share a dessert, touching him (arm, leg or hand), or just tell him at the end of the date.

You can say something like, “I surprisingly had a fantastic time tonight and hope we do it again.”

“Men will almost always give a

woman a second date if she was nice.”

2. Thank him for the date.

Women sometimes forget to thank the guy for the date, so a genuine and sincere “Thank you” does not go unnoticed.

If he picked a great venue, acknowledge that and give him kudos. What guy doesn’t like positive reinforcement?

In this day and age, a post-date text like, “Thank you. I had a great time. Drive safely,” is very sweet and shows you are kind and grateful.

Men don’t like women who have a sense of entitlement, so if you are the type to assume the man will pay for the first date, that’s fine. But make sure you thank him for the meal or drinks.

Hopefully by the third date, you are offering to get dessert or coffee or even the meal. It’s nice to offer, even if he doesn’t take you up on it.

3. Smile and show compassion.

Men will almost always give a woman a second date if she was nice.

If she looks great in a dress on the date (yes, you should always try to look feminine and wearing a dress will never go wrong), smiles, looks like she is having fun and shows compassion and kindness, men will want to see her again.

It’s that simple. Men are simple creatures. Women just need to smile more on a date and be kind.

Let the man be a man. Women should be feminine. Men like soft, feminine, pretty things.

Men are simple creatures. Enjoy the dating process and have fun.

Have you ever initiated the second date?

Photo source: eharmony.co.uk.

“Seventy-three percent of responders said that ‘[using a]

coupon could be the key to scoring a second date.’”

What’s surprising about the study is how dramatically the use of a coupon may improve the chances of getting a second date. Harris Interactive discovered 73 percent of responders said that “[using a] coupon could be the key to scoring a second date.” By contrast, only 12 percent of those surveyed said use of a coupon on a first date would make them refuse a second date, only 3 percent explained they would take offense if their date used a coupon, and just 1 percent of participants stated they would end things early if their date used a coupon.

2,346 adults over a two-day period took the survey, which was conducted online within the United States by Harris Interactive on behalf of Coupon Cabin.

Usually a woman doesn’t give you a second date because she identified a red flag on the first one. Remember, when women go on a first date, they are hypersensitive to your flaws, looking for any reason you might be a weirdo.

Here are a few reasons why a woman never goes out with you again:

1. Your appearance.

Are you clean-cut and wearing matching attire? Do you smell good?

2. Your conversation.

Are you telling off-color jokes? Do you bring up politics or religion?

3. Your personal life.

Are you unemployed? Do you have four baby mamas?

4. Your car and cash.

Is your car filled with garbage? Do you take her to Denny’s and bring a “buy one get one free” coupon?

Some quick advice: Get one of your platonic girlfriends to go on a date with you. Approach it as a kind of “date dry run.” Act how you normally would. Ask your friend to give you honest feedback and make changes accordingly.

There aren’t quite as many opportunities to mess up in little ways, but there are more opportunities to commit serious faux pas.

To help guide you through this tricky stage, keep the following do’s and don’ts in mind the next time you have a second date on the horizon.

1. Do remember what you talked about on your first date.

At the end of your first date, it’s a good idea to write down what you discussed and what you learned about each other.

It sounds a little mechanical and silly, but it’s better to know for sure what’s been covered than to try and muddle through your faulty memory 30 minutes before round two.

2. Don’t act like you’ve been studying up on him.

Yes, it’s a good idea to jot down the details of your first date so you don’t ask the same questions and repeat the same stories the second time around.

No, it’s not a good idea to be able to recall his life story with a level of specificity and fixation generally reserved for best friends, close family members and stalkers.

3. Do something different.

If you went out for coffee on your first date, go for drinks on the second. If you went to a music show on your first date, go to the park for your second. If you went out on a Tuesday the first time, go out on a Thursday the second time.

“You have all the faculties you

need to figure out what you want.”

4. Don’t rush into a routine.

Sure, there’s a certain level of comfort offered by knowing that every Wednesday of every week you’re going to go out to dinner and a movie with this man, but nothing will kill your chances of developing a real relationship faster than trying to grow your connection within the context of a small and restrictive range of behaviors and experiences.

5. Do remain open to the possibility.

If there’s a real spark between you and this man, then you should pursue that interest, even if your first date didn’t totally convince you of his value.

6. Don’t think a lack of spark will grow into attraction.

If you’re not interested in a man, then you shouldn’t bother going on a second date. Too many women end up in long-term relationships with men they don’t feel much of anything for.

Trying to convince yourself you “should” like a dud of a man by going on repeated dates with him is the first step on the slippery slope leading to an undesirable outcome.

7. Do get to know this man better.

Build on the topics you discussed on your first date and explore alternative tangents and new lines of interest as they pop up.

8. Don’t think you’re going to have him figured out.

Second dates aren’t your chance to learn everything there is to know about your man. Second dates are just the opportunity to peel back one more layer, that’s all.

9. Do get what you want out of the date.

10. Don’t conform to outside opinions.

If you want to sleep with this man, sleep with him. If you don’t want to sleep with him, don’t. If you want to stay out for hours just talking and listening, chat away. If you only want to go dancing, hit the floor.

As an adult woman, you have all the faculties you need to figure out what you want and how to acquire it. Following some common-sense guidelines is a good idea, but aligning your dating life with someone else’s checklist of what’s “proper” or “improper” is utter nonsense.

1. Switch up the location.

A sit-down dinner is a good location to get the basic feel of someone, but there are only so many sushi rolls you can split and only so many brothers occupations for her to list. On the second date, pick something a little outside the box. This is also a great opportunity for you to subtly show off your talents.

History buff? Be her docent at a museum and dazzle her with a good Andrew Jackson anecdote. Are you a beer enthusiast? (I mean craft beer. No one is impressed at how quickly you killed that 18 pack of PBR. Well, maybe a little impressed.) Take her to a specialty bar and find her a new favorite drink. Even something as goofy as miniature golf gives you both a chance to reveal a little more about your personality and a little less about your favorite pizza toppings.

2. Don’t get too personal.

A second date is about getting to know each other on a little deeper level. Just be cautious about how deep you go. Did you cry when “Firefly” was cancelled? Things like that are a little cheesy, but they show enough about you and your personality without making her feel like she should be charging you $80 an hour for therapy. That ex-girlfriend? The one you share custody of your cat with? It would probably be best to save that fact for later — much later.

Dating is an awkward balancing act between putting yourself out there and trying to hide your flaws. It’s tricky to navigate, but on a second date, it’s usually best to stay to the “less is more” end of the seesaw. Creeping too close to the other side sometimes pays off but you risk tipping the whole thing over.

3. Don’t feel like you have to get physical, physical.

Everyone who has ever been in high school seems to have some sort of flowchart or bonkers nursery rhyme about how many dates it should take to get to whichever level of physical affection. The truth is, it varies profoundly from person to person and changes with how they feel toward the who they are with.

If you spend the whole evening worrying about when to lean in for a kiss or how to do that fake-yawn-shoulder move, you’re ignoring the most important part of your date — the other person. Let things flow naturally, and leave the kissing chants in the locker room.

The first touch or kiss from a new guy carries an amazing tingle, just like the quiver you felt the first time a guy slid into second base or let his fingers wander within a few inches of third. It’s just really difficult to know what has depth and reality and what is just a physiological response, amplified by nervous tension.

So how can a girl plan a second date that has the same magic as the first? The “drug” of extra adrenaline running through his veins and yours is greatly diminished, so you’ll have to depend on your true inner charm, personality and superior dating intellect. Here are a few tips that can help to seal the deal, or at least help you know if this is guy has real potential.

Pick a peg from the first date.

Every successful first date is filled with new stories and information that give you a keyhole to peek inside the lifestyle and mindset of the guy you’re with. Think of each little bit of information as a “peg” that you can hang a future date or experience on.

Maybe he’s a basketball fan, loves Italian food, plays darts at the local pub, and goes water skiing every chance he gets. So if things are going well on date number one, plant a seed for the second date then and there. Try one of these:

•  “My dad has season tickets for the Celtics, but I’ve never seen a game. Maybe we can borrow his seats next week and you can explain the game to me.”
•  “I know a little authentic Italian place that makes the world’s best lasagna. We should totally have a lasagna and dart night soon!”
•  “I’ve always wanted to learn how to water ski. Do you think you could teach me?”

When you hang each date from a peg in his life (or yours), you are really paving a course that could socially and psychologically integrate your lives and turn you into a real dynamic duo. A generic dinner and a movie does not advance the cause of your relationship and might just become an excuse to get together and make out. That’s not how you build a foundation for a successful, loving future.

“Give that important second date context and meaning in terms

of his life and likes, add something of significance to yourself that

will let him see things in you beyond the physical dimension”

Bring him into your world, too.

It’s not all about him. If you want to see if he is long-term material, you have to inject some of yourself into each date, too. Maybe you let him pick the restaurant to begin the second date, and maybe you base the date on his love of basketball. So after the game, you should suggest a nice spot for a nightcap or cup of coffee where people might know you.

Or maybe you can take the long route home and drive by your old school, your place of employment, your uncle’s pizza shop, or the closed-down theater where you saw “Swan Lake” when you were a little girl and your dream of attending the Juilliard began.

Anything you can do to get him on your turf or into your world of dreams and schemes will make you a more three-dimensional woman. Men fall in love when a woman becomes incorporated into their lives and when they cross over into her world, too. Unless you want to become another pair of lips, boobs and booty, you have to begin to reveal to him the Sue or Sandy or Rachel inside of you. That is the real prize you have to offer, which he cannot get from any other woman.

Put just enough skin in the game.

Women are not always aware of the enormous power of their secret weapons. A fleeting touch of your silky, smooth fingers on his cheek, the smell and feel of your hair, or an unexpected peck on the cheek as you get up from your table at the restaurant will make a strong man swoon and burn with anticipation for the next simple touch you might choose to bestow upon him.

There is no need to invite him over for a second date and come to the door covered in whipped cream. That physical part of the attraction is a done deal. He is already sold on the amazing pleasures to be found in every inch of your body. The second date can often determine whether this goes the way of a relationship or a fling.

Remember the tingle theory: Any part of him that has never been touched by you personally, and any part of you he has not yet touched, is magical and will give him a rewarding response. Part of the wonder of the first date was the newness of the touch and the excitement and feel of a new kiss. A kiss is one thing created by two people, so your kiss with him will always be unique to your relationship.

Keep some part of you and some part of him new for the third, fourth and fifth dates. This is not the time to give it all away. You wouldn’t raise your own bid at an auction, so why hand him the jackpot when he will be thrilled with two oranges?

A girl should go into her first several dates with a new guy knowing exactly what he will be getting from her physically. You might wear a loose sweater with a single-clasp bra but a belt buckle that Houdini would have trouble with, for instance. This will help you stick to your plan, too.

You are 100 percent in charge of all physical aspects of every relationship. Use your power well, and you will be able to prolong the tingles, quivers, shivers and magic of that first date through several more encounters before you decide if he is worthy of the ultimate reward.

It’s just that simple: Give that important second date context and meaning in terms of his life and likes, add something of significance to yourself that will let him see things in you beyond the physical dimension, and keep him tingling with anticipation before you allow him to tremble with delight.

1. Be creative.

Say your first date was the standard dinner and drinks. Pick something a bit out of the ordinary for a second date, while keeping in mind that conversation is key. Don’t cook for her because then you’ll be preparing food the whole date instead of getting to know her better. Instead, pack a gourmet picnic and take her to the beach or a populated park. Don’t take her somewhere isolated because she’s still learning to build trust in you.

2. Be attentive.

Conversations are a two-way street. When one member of the conversation is dominant, the other person feels left out or like what they have to say isn’t regarded as important. Make sure you not only offer honest information about yourself, but also ask your date plenty of questions about her life — work, friends, family, hobbies and the like.

3. Be on your best behavior.

Just because you’ve secured a second date, it doesn’t mean it’s time to stop acting like a gentleman. If you’re interested in a third, fourth and fifth date, then continue to be anticipatory — pay attention to her body language and how she’s moving her eyes. It will tell you a lot about what’s jiving about the date and what’s not.

A second date doesn’t mean you’re on your way to the alter. It means there’s still a lot of work left to be done. Getting to know someone is exciting, nerve-racking and takes a lot of selflessness. Pay attention to your date and how she’s reacting. Be creative, ask her questions about her life and always be a gentleman.

1. Set the mood.

The magic must begin the moment you arrive for the date, which means you have to start your mental preparation as soon as you wake up in the morning. Start being the man of her dreams hours before you meet. No special instructions needed. Just be mentally prepared by living the role of her ideal man all day long.

A single rose or small bouquet of wild flowers is nice if you’re picking her up at home or heading to a nice restaurant where you can request a vase. Preempt the awkward anticipation of that first physical encounter by first giving her a brief but warm embrace, and then tell her how lovely she looks. Be sure to notice and show appreciation for a small feature of her appearance, especially if she did it just for you — a new look for her hair, a special manicure, an alluring scent, smiling eyes, or whatever.

2. Be at ease.

This will put her at ease. Hey, you’ve been getting into the role all day, so now’s the time to show off your polished demeanor. Get her involved and ask some questions, or get her approval for your plans — where to begin and so forth. She is expecting a knight on a white horse, so live up to her image for a while. When you get to your destination, be a gentleman, lean forward if you’re at a table, look her in the eyes and take charge.

“If you are the one to stop the romantic action, with a promise to

continue it in the near future, you will leave her with thoughts

of how special and chivalrous you are, while she longs for

more of your kisses and caresses.”

3. Be the prize.

A lot of guys stumble all over themselves trying to impress their date because they think of her as the main attraction of the event and themselves as her humble servant. Wrong. If you want to succeed with a lady, you have to let her see you as the prize to be won. You don’t have to be cocky, although a bit of that wouldn’t hurt, but you do have to be confident.

A real man has the self-control to tame his animal urge to get his hands on her luscious skin. We all have memories of a high school date where we held on to a girl’s hand for dear life and never let go all night. Of course, by the end of the date, we had a sweaty mess that was far from romantic. If, in the course of events, you do hold her hand or touch her knee, do it briefly, and then release it with a kind of nonchalance that belies your burning desire to swallow her whole. Let her hunger for your touch.

Nature takes care of a lot of things for us. You nearness, your attentive gaze, your wit and wisdom, and your brief touch of her cheek will be the magnet that pulls her closer to you until she cannot help but to take your arm or hand.

4. Leave her wanting more.

If things go well, it is all together possible the date may culminate in a little tongue wrestling. This is no time to be overconfident. You can still be shut out of a rematch if you lose control. A woman is not an all-you-can-eat buffet, there to fill your world with pleasure and delight. It can be a short hop from her feeling like a princess to you feeling her up like piece of meat. This woman is a wonderful, valuable creature, so don’t blow it now.

Remember this: On a first date, whoever stops kissing first wins. If you just can’t get enough control to slow things down and end the date, then she will have to. That could be the end of the romance, or her regard for you might change for the worse. If you are the one to stop the romantic action, with a promise to continue it in the near future, you will leave her with thoughts of how special and chivalrous you are, while she longs for more of your kisses and caresses. You’ve just made that second date a cinch, my friend. Well done!