Only it all backfires in the end as he starts to put his clothes on so fast you start to wonder if you’ve just made a terrible mistake.

Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship with a man for quite some time and desperately crave more touch and intimacy after intercourse.

Your man simply doesn’t give you the kind of intimate affection after sex you would like, and you’re starting to wonder why.

Why does he pull away after sex?

“Why is he distant after sex? Does he not love me as much I love him?”

After such an intimate, heart- and soul-opening experience, why is it your man can just get up, get dressed and get the hell out so damn quickly?

There’s no denying you crave intimacy after sex (especially if you’re in love with him.)

There’s also no denying what you want after sex is for your man to hold you, caress you and tell you how much you mean to him.

After having sex, wouldn’t it be nice if your man opened his arms and his heart, allowing you to sink into them both?

It would be quite possible if men were like women.

Let me explain…

You may or may not have heard about a very powerful (and often potent) hormone called oxytocin.

Large amounts of this hormone, often referred to as the “love hormone,” are released in a woman’s brain during certain times, particularly during childbirth.

It helps to facilitate birth and plays a very large role in the maternal bonding between mother and child.

Oxytocin is also released in large doses in a woman’s brain during intercourse, resulting in a level of bonding with her partner and feelings of trust and empathy.

This is a beautiful, natural bonding process women undergo after sex.

“It’s natural for us to get closer after being

intimate. It’s natural for them to pull away.”

But it comes with one major problem…

Men don’t experience this release of oxytocin in the brain during sex like women do.

So, ladies, your man just simply does not have the same physiological reaction to sex.

He doesn’t need to bond any further. He doesn’t feel empathy to hold you in his arms and listen to your innermost thoughts, and he most certainly doesn’t want to share his.

On the contrary, men actually experience a very different sensation from intimacy. Men actually feel the need to pull away for a while.

Yes, men actually need to pull away after sex in order to regain their autonomy and reconnect with themselves on a more masculine level.

Men go through a type of intimacy cycle we women do not cycle through, nor do we understand or relate to it.

Men, by nature, feel an innate need to pull away from us periodically after periods of intimacy.

Just like it’s natural for us to want to get closer to them after being intimate, it’s just as natural for them to want to pull away for a while.

All men are different, of course. Some will pull away right then.

Others will be able to remain close and intimate for some time before feeling the need to disappear for a while and regain their autonomy through reconnecting with their masculine selves.

No matter the man, the cycle is present.

And the sooner you start to realize, understand and accept this intimacy cycle, the easier (and more fulfilling) your relationships will be with men.

Realizing, understanding and accepting this is only half the battle. Knowing what to do in the face of this situation is the other half.

Here’s what you do instead:

If you’re currently in a relationship with a man, talk to him about this intimacy difference. Explain to him your new knowledge and see if he can relate to these differences.

Decide together how you can both have your intimacy needs met. For example, you might request he cuddle with you for a finite period of time after sex, like five to 10 minutes.

However, remember there are two people in your relationship and your partner’s needs are just as important as your needs.

So if you request that he cuddle, what can you offer to do for him in return that doesn’t always come “natural” to you?

Asking him to share what you can do in return will also potentially shed light on something about your relationship he may be having an issue with.

You will now have the opportunity to correct this issue in order to avoid potential problems in the future.

If you’re not in a relationship, this topic is a perfect one to bring up on a date.

Not only will you impress your date with your knowledge about the vast differences between men and woman, but you’ll also intrigue him with your generosity and ability to view a relationship from both sides, which will be very attractive to a commitment-oriented man!

Ladies, can you relate to this article? If so, leave a comment below! I can’t wait to read them.

Photo source: allvoices.com.

While it might be a punch line on a sitcom, it’s probably not very funny to you. Why are you having trouble keeping it up? More to the point, what can you do about it?

Let’s talk about a taboo subject and hopefully provide you with a little guidance.

Why do guys get erectile dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction isn’t something that happens to old men who can’t get it up anymore.

It basically refers to you not being able to get it up when you want it to or not being able to get as hard as you’d like when you’d like.

This means if you ever couldn’t get it up, you had erectile dysfunction. I say this to demystify the term a bit and make it more acceptable.

Why do guys get it? There are tons of reasons.

You might be nervous. You might have had too much to drink. You might have spent the last nine months white-knuckle wanking your dick to extreme gonzo porn.

You might be tired. You might just not be that into her. There are a lot of reasons men suffer from erectile dysfunction.

If it’s a recurring thing and you can’t figure out why, talk to your doctor about possible medical solutions.

“The more you dwell on it,

the harder it’s going to get.”

What do I do about it?

It’s hard to say what you can do about it. If you get ED when you’re too drunk, try drinking less.

If you get ED because you’re nervous, you’re probably only going to have sex with people with whom you feel really comfortable. Believe me, there are way worse things than that.

Some guys find they have a hard time getting it up because they beat off too much. There are a few things to consider about this phenomenon.

First of all, a masturbation “fast” is generally not the best idea. You want to keep your penis in shape for when it needs to perform.

My recommendation? Get some kind of soft male masturbator and a decent type of lube.

This will put even pressure around the penis that’s more akin to oral sex or vaginal sex without the grinding grip dry wanking can produce.

In fact, a lot of men find it prudent to masturbate before a date. It helps to keep them calm and focused. Some men actually find they’re more in the mood for the real deal if they have a wank beforehand.

Your mileage may vary. A lot of erectile dysfunction has to do with personal preferences and tastes, personal biology and other things that vary from one man to another.

When to see a doctor.

You really only need to see a doc when you can never get an erection.

If you have trouble getting hard or hard enough when you’re with a partner but not when you’re on your own, you don’t have a medical problem. More than likely there’s something psychological going on.

Take an inventory, do a gut check and examine your habits and feelings to see what’s underneath your trouble getting it up.

Remember, it’s not permanent and the more you dwell on it, the harder it’s going to get. Pun intended.

Guys, have you ever had trouble keeping it up? How did it make you feel? Which scenario do you relate to the most?

Photo source: scienceblogs.com.

Where do you find other people who are into the same experience as you?

Invite a friend.

One way is to identify people you already know that might be interested in the idea of joining you both in the bedroom.

Do either of you have a close friend that exudes sexual energy? Does sexual tension permeate the relationship? Does this person have an open mind and a sense of exploration and adventure?

If you do decide to invite a friend, make sure to have a conversation about what everyone’s expectations are for the friendship after group sex is over.

How will the experience impact the friendship? Is it OK if group sex happens again? Can the relationship evolve into something with emotional or romantic connections?

Picking someone together.

If you and your partner enjoy going out and checking out people together, maybe you should try picking up people together!

As someone who has extremely minimal experience picking people up, I don’t know how well this works. You may have more positive experiences doing this if you are in a sex-positive, open relationship space.

“Reach out to individuals that spark your

interest in a respectful and genuine way.”

Swingers clubs and communities.

If you are blessed to be in an area with a swingers club or an active sex-positive/open/polyamorous community, it can be really helpful to attend events hosted by people in those communities.

Meeting people in person can help normalize your experience of seeking a third and establish emotional and mental connections online browsing may not stimulate.

People you approach will probably understand the experience you are seeking to have, as opposed to someone in a “vanilla” bar or club.

Online markets.

Craigslist (typically under Casual Encounters), OKCupid, Plenty of Fish and other websites allow you to peruse personals. Regardless of the online option you explore, make sure to engage in safe Internet practices.

And I would recommend reaching out to individuals that spark your interest in a respectful and genuine way. Meet up casually in person to see if you hit it off before assuming you are going to have the threesome of a lifetime.

From my experience, one of the most difficult threesomes to arrange comes in the form of a couple seeking another woman. This arrangement is so difficult that couples refer to these women as “unicorns.”

One of the easiest (in my experience) is a man and woman couple seeking another man.

If you are a single woman wanting to meet a sexy couple, you will have your pick! Online lifestyle (swinger) sites are flush with couples looking for women.

If you are a single man, you will have a more challenging time, as there is a much larger pool of single men who have a presence within the swinger community.

However, if you are seeking another couple to have group sex with, this is fairly easy to do, depending on where you live. This also provides you all an opportunity to have threesomes within the foursome, as long as everyone is comfortable with that.

In fact, this may satisfy your desire for experiencing group sex and threesomes in various combinations.

If you are man and woman couple and you click with another man and woman couple, the four of you could potentially decide on different group sex arrangements so everyone can experience a foursome, a MMF threesome or a FFM threesome at different times.

Readers, have you ever had group sex? Where do you find the right people?

Photo source: askfuzz.com.

I am a 36-year-old single woman. I am eagerly looking for a husband and am having a challenging time of it.

In the meantime, is it a bad idea to engage in casual sex with men I am physically attracted to? For instance, I have a “friend” I have been “booty calling” with for five years.

Do you think this is negatively impacting my chances of finding my long-term/forever guy?

-Catherine (Maine)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Catherine,

In a word, yes.

Every relationship we have affects every relationship in our future. When you are hooking up with your friend, you are training your body and mind to NOT bond.

Your body excretes oxytocin, the bonding hormone, during female orgasm and if you are having sex with someone you don’t want to bond with, your brain works hard to practice disassociation that can become habit.

You can train your body for anything. But the only way to train for monogamy is to abstain or be monogamous.

Also, when you engage in casual sex, you are surrounding yourself with a certain segment of the dating pool who prefer short-term relationships.

It’s very hard to attract men who are able and willing to commit when you are hanging out with players and those who can’t commit. That kind of man brings a certain anxiety that feels exciting, one that a commitment-oriented man won’t.

Don’t get attracted to intensity over intimacy. And you can’t have it both ways.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Urban Dictionary, the go-to source for slang and pop culture terms, defines a one-night stand as: “Hooking up with someone for one night of sex with no strings attached and hoping to never see them again.”

Sounds like quite a night. And it looks like quite a few Americans have participated in a night of one-time passion.

A new study conducted by DatingAdvice.com found three out of five men and one out of three women have had a one-night stand.

Among the most likely groups to have participated in a one-night stand are divorcees, who were 34 percent more likely than their married counterparts to say they’ve had a one-nighter.

Dr. Wendy Walsh, clinical psychologist and DatingAdvice.com expert, said a cultural acceptance of men’s sexual behaviors and a discrimination toward women’s often means there is a significant difference between the sexual activities men and women admit to engaging in.

“Men tend to over-report sexual behavior on surveys and women tend to under-report, all because of the sexual double standard,” she said.

“Divorcees were 34 percent more likely than

married counterparts to have had a one-nighter.”

Age also seems to play a significant role, as 52 percent of respondents in the 45 to 54 age range answered in the affirmative versus 40 percent of those aged 18 to 24.

Dr. Walsh said contrary to popular belief, a large portion of college students are not sexually active, so they have less exposure to a variety of sexual opportunities.

“Nearly 25 percent of college students are still virgins. That takes a big chunk out of the demographic,” she said. “As people begin to be sexually active, it makes sense they will have a wider range of sexual experiences.”

The study surveyed 1,080 respondents over the course of three weeks, balancing responses by age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors in order to accurately represent the U.S. population. The study has a margin of error of +/- 2.8%.

The Breakdown: Americans Who’ve Had a One-Night Stand

By gender:

• Male: 59%

• Female: 36%

By sexuality:

• Straight: 46%

• Gay: 68%

By marital status:

• Single, Never Married: 50%

• Married: 44%

• Divorced: 59%

By age:

• 18 to 24: 40%

• 25 to 34: 52%

• 35 to 44: 47%

• 45 to 54: 52%

• 54 to 64: 47%

• 65 and older: 42%

By race:

• White: 46%

• African-American: 55%

• Hispanic: 53%

• Asian: 26%

By income:

• Under $25,000: 44%

• $25,000 to $49,999: 53%

• $50,000 to $74,999: 47%

• $75,000 to $99,999: 51%

• $100,000 to $124,999: 49%

• $125,000 or higher: 45%

By region:

• Northeast: 50%

• Midwest: 46%

• South: 46%

• West: 49%

Visit DatingAdvice.com/Studies for more research on dating and relationship topics. Relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh is a frequent contributor on CNN and other major networks and is the author of the new book “The 30-Day Love Detox.” Photo source: femalefirst.co.uk.

I tend to have sex early on when meeting a guy, and then I worry about still getting to know him or if he really will try to get to know me.

I am dating a guy now. We’ve been seeing each other for five weeks and I have made it clear from the beginning I’m not looking for anything casual. He has said we are exclusive. He also has made it clear he understands I want something real (a relationship) and he says he’s not going anywhere.

We had sex early on and still have sex. It doesn’t feel wrong and I do really feel he likes me, but we have already had arguments. I believe it’s because I’m getting attached to him on an emotional level already (mainly because of the sex).

Should I stop having sex with him and make it clear we should still get to know each other better?

-Naomi (Georgia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Naomi,

I wish you had read my book “The 30-Day Love Detox” before you met this guy. It explains that having sex within 30 days of meeting someone sets you up to be broken up within one year.

It’s clear that putting the cart before the horse (sex before commitment) is making you feel insecure because the relationship is still so fragile. You can try to stop having sex with him, but it usually doesn’t work, as men tend to feel manipulated by this tactic.

All you can do is to work on containing yourself and try not to get too clingy.

Also, it is imperative you talk to him about your feelings.

Let him know you had sex with him earlier than you would have liked because you are so attracted to him. Then explain your perfect female biology creates oxytocin during sex that is the female bonding hormone.

Tell him you understand men fall in love slower and need to really trust someone first. Then continue to show him you are trustworthy, kind and healthy – all things men are attracted to.

If he’s really a commitment-oriented guy who is not emotionally avoidant, he’ll be able to handle your emotional communication. If he dismisses you, then you need to ask yourself if he’s the one for you.

When we have early sex, the pleasure centers of the brain are stimulated by so many neurotransmitters and hormones that it is very difficult to make a clear decision about love.

It’s love’s big delusion. Only time will tell if this is the real deal.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Researchers from the Netherlands have determined using pornography does not drive teens and young adults to engage in riskier sexual behavior.

The study consisted of 4,600 15- to 25-year-old respondents who were asked about their attitudes on sex, their personal sexual history and the type and amount of pornography they consumed.

Published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the study was authored by Gert Martin Hald, a clinical psychologist at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark.

“Porn doesn’t drive teens and young

adults to engage in riskier sexual behavior.”

Participants were also asked about risky behaviors, such as multiple partners, anonymous encounters or even paying for sex. Questions were answered online to encourage more honest responses.

The study attributed between 0.3 percent and 4 percent of sexual behaviors to pornography use. Researchers found other factors are likely more influential, including personality, sexual assertiveness and self-esteem.

A person’s upbringing and genetics are also cited as likely having a greater impact on behavior.

“There has been a sort of moral panic – sometimes in Britain and in the U.S. – about the influence of pornography on sexual behaviors,” Hald said. “And although this study can’t claim to investigate cause and effect, it can still say that there are a lot of other factors that determine sexual behaviors, so maybe we should put the debate into a larger perspective instead of being just one-sided.”

Critics of the study have pointed out that teens and young adults who agreed to take an online sex survey may have a bias, which may have skewed the results.

Source: HealthDay.com. Photo source: salon.com.

You’ve crossed the line to having sex with your lesbian girlfriend and that’s starting to cross over into your texting.

Texting + sex = sexting. It’s great for foreplay, but let’s talk about boring common sense when using this communication medium.

Please don’t text pictures of yourself.

That’s a dangerous proposition and could cost you in the future.

I know it’s fun and you’re just playing and enjoying all that sexual energy, but it can and does backfire.

If you break up, do you really want her to have photos of you in your birthday suit?

Cell phones get lost and stolen all the time.

Not only could a thieving stranger be looking at your body parts, but that stranger could then send your picture and your contact details to anyone anywhere.

Then consider that someone you know could pick up that cell phone for some silly reason and see your text and picture. It could be your child, mother, father, brother, friend or whoever.

Do you really want to have to explain this?

“Sexting can add a lot of sexual

energy to a relationship.”

It’s more than just pictures.

Are you ready to stick with sex talk for your sexting connection? All right then, is there a line you don’t want to cross here? Perhaps.

When getting sexual using the written word, just like sex talk in bed, some people are more comfortable than others.

This would be a good time to have a conversation about what your new honey feels comfortable doing. If she’s really verbal in bed already, then sexting may be a natural and comfortable flow for her.

If your honey is really quiet in bed (I think sex talk is hot and fun!), then you need to talk to her about her comfort level. She might discover she enjoys sexting or it makes her really uncomfortable.

A good rule of thumb is don’t say anything in a text message you wouldn’t say to her face. If you’re a lesbian that’s really comfortable with sex talk, this may seem like a no-brainer to you, but you need to feel out your girlfriend’s feelings about it.

For the younger set.

For those under 18 years old, sexting in and of itself is illegal. Sending naked pictures of yourself to anyone is also illegal when you’re under 18. Sending naked pictures of someone under 18 via text is also illegal.

Sexting has gotten many young people in lots of trouble with the law and their parents. It is considered to be child pornography and you do not want to mess with that.

If you’re over 18 and dating someone under 18, skip the pictures.

If you’re older, just ask yourself if you’d want your good friends or parents to see you on the Internet naked. Yeah, probably not.

Sexting can add a lot of sexual energy to a relationship. It can be fun foreplay and ensure you are both in the mode for sex, but watch out for the pitfalls of having really intimate information on your cell phone.

Now go on and enjoy that lovely lesbian you’ve been so fortunate to find. And tell me: Do you sext?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

My first sexual experience.

“Your first sexual encounter helps

you understand your sexuality.”

A lot of my friends say their first encounter was similar.

This first encounter isn’t a precursor of who you are sexually.

A lot of gay men and women sometimes lose their virginity to someone of the opposite sex before they actually come to realization they’re gay.

Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, it is important to have a handle on how you manage and express your jealousy.

Hopefully these ideas are helpful to you, too.

1. Accept jealousy as a common emotion.

It’s important to overcome jealousy as you would other challenging emotions, like anger or frustration.

Use coping mechanisms that work for you (exercise, sleep, meditation, prayer, being in nature, journaling, talking) to manage your feelings.

When feelings of jealousy turn into possessive and controlling behaviors, you have allowed your feelings to take an unhealthy turn and you need to take a serious step back.

2. Understand where your feelings of jealousy come from.

Jealousy is a complex emotion and root emotions can be: fear, envy, exclusion, competition and inadequacy.

Identifying what exactly you are feeling can be extremely helpful in getting the support you need from yourself and your partner(s) to manage your feelings.

For example, you could be feeling in competition with someone or feeling fearful you will be left.

Working on your self-esteem and confidence can be one of the most effective things you can do to diminish feelings of jealousy.

Predict or experiment with manageable and unmanageable levels of jealousy.

Sometimes jealousy can feel like a little twinge and then it goes away. Other times it can cause systemic physical reactions and it can take a significant amount of time to return to your normal mental state.

Figure out what levels you can manage on your own and what levels you need extra support with.

“Working on your self-esteem can be one of

the most effective things you can do.”

3. The barrier method.

This involves erecting barriers around the situations that cause jealousy for you.

For example, if you experience jealousy when you see your partner kiss another person or when they spend the night with another, the solution would be to simply say, “No (more) kissing in front of me or no (more) sleepovers with other people.”

This approach, while simple, tends to be more rigid and doesn’t allow you to grow as much by challenging your jealous feelings.

Remember to retain open lines of communication with your partner so you both feel like you can renegotiate boundaries.

4. The phobia model.

This is another approach that involves desensitizing yourself to situations that typically cause you to experience jealousy.

For example, if the thought of your partner sleeping over at another’s home is incredibly difficult for you to manage, you can (with your partner) slowly increase your exposure and comfort with the situation.

You might get used to your partner having longer and longer dates and set a date you agree to try to manage the sleepover.

Then evaluate how the experience went for you and if the process helped you manage your jealousy effectively and reasonably or not.

This approach is complex, takes time and constant communication with your partner(s) and requires that you engage in conscious self-awareness and self-growth.

If you are the one with a jealous partner, ask your partner exactly what is bothering them so you can give them the best support possible.

Support can take the form of emotional reassurance, physical or sexual intimacy, date nights or being open to renegotiating boundaries.

Many excellent and extensive guides to managing jealousy in open relationships exist, and I encourage you to start with Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up” and Kathy Labriola’s “Love in Abundance.”

Readers, how have you managed jealousy in your relationships?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.