I have been seeing a minister for about three months. He has made it clear he really only has Fridays and Mondays available. There has been limited time to get to know each other.

He has made overtures to move much quicker than I am willing to do so. He made an attempt to kiss me. I had to explain I really had not kissed a guy. I have some religious beliefs and promises I have made that make me hesitant.

He asked when we can meet again. I said Monday evening will be fine. I text him to see how his Sunday services went. He did not text me back, nor did he contact me about going out Monday.

Should I try to contact him? Or should I just chalk it up to a loss and take my learned lessons?

-Elisea (Virginia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Darling, hold your values strong. If this minister is worth his salt at counseling others about how to grow a strong bond, he should not be afraid to do it with you.

My advice: Don’t chase him. Stay off text. When he calls, reward him with happiness in your voice.

Let him spin in and out, but you stay strong and know you are lovable and the love you will accept is one that takes time to grow.

You are in control here. Don’t make him doubt yourself.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Just how confused are you by the text messages he sends? What if your ex texts you out of nowhere? Is he looking to rekindle the spark? Does he have regrets about your breakup? Is he looking for a booty call?

In a recent article on Cosmopolitan, they featured the new site HeTexted.com, which caught my digital eye. The site allows you to post his text messages by uploading screenshots for their members to comment on.

The site has a group of guys who will tell the ladies exactly what a particular text means and will help them prevent making fools of themselves by sending multiple text messages. It’s a new form of text-therapy.

Typically, a woman wants to know if a guy is really interested in her or not. After she posts the text exchange, readers can vote in the following ways:

1. He’s into you
2. He’s not into you
3. Verdict is still out

Example #1:

She texts: Hey you! Miss me?

He texts:  Hey! Where were you yesterday? And I’ll need a good explanation lol/jk

She texts: I was being a good girl…. Let’s see, I left work really late, bought tires for my car, went jogging, made dinner, watched a show and went to bed. Where were you?

He texts: All right, all right. I’ll let it slide.

She’s wondering: How into me can he really be? We live almost 2,000 miles away from each other. He sometimes just drops off the face of the Earth. He hasn’t had a girlfriend since we used to hang out in years. Oh, he is super hot with an amazing body. Please help! I need a sign.

“Relying solely on text may put

you in the digital doghouse.”

The voters said:

• He’s into you: 17
• He’s not into you: 0
• Verdict is still out: 2

Example #2:

He texts: Mornings like this remind me of mornings with you (=

She’s wondering: He broke up with me about two months ago and he’s back with his ex-girlfriend now. I can’t tell if he’s just messing with me or what! This is one of three texts like this he’s sent me in the last couple weeks, all of them talking about things the remind him of us…almost like he misses us.

The voters said:

• He’s into you: 13
• He’s not into you: 13
• Verdict is still out: 2

Have you ever read more into a text message or been confused by the exchange?

IMHO, if this has happened to you, pick up the phone and call the other person. Relying solely on text may put you in the digital doghouse.

Photo source: sheknows.com.

I’ve been interested in someone for a long time. However, she’s caught in this modern era of never/refusing to talk on the telephone and will only email or text despite my repeated requests to have voice conversations.

This woman is 50, not 18, yet still remains this way. I’m not a phone person either, but when it comes to personal relationships, I still believe in having real communication whenever I can.

Do you have any suggestions?

-Randy (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Randy,

Boy, do I have suggestions. And I’m fascinated to see addiction to technology is not limited to one gender. Usually men are the ones who won’t pick up the phone.

The good news is you can train her. To do so, you’ll need self discipline and to be prepared she doesn’t want more and may walk.

Sometimes a reliance on text over voice and face-to-face contact is a signal someone wants to avoid closeness all together.

The main way to train someone not to text is to simply stop responding to texts. If all her texts are being rewarded by you texting back, then she has no reason to alter her behavior.

But the other important piece is when she finally does call, you have to reward that good behavior with happy communication.

Don’t mention that she FINALLY picked up the phone. Just get right into the happy talk that she’s used to.

For more details on training a texter, please look at the technology chapter in my book “The 30-Day Love Detox.”

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

You’ve crossed the line to having sex with your lesbian girlfriend and that’s starting to cross over into your texting.

Texting + sex = sexting. It’s great for foreplay, but let’s talk about boring common sense when using this communication medium.

Please don’t text pictures of yourself.

That’s a dangerous proposition and could cost you in the future.

I know it’s fun and you’re just playing and enjoying all that sexual energy, but it can and does backfire.

If you break up, do you really want her to have photos of you in your birthday suit?

Cell phones get lost and stolen all the time.

Not only could a thieving stranger be looking at your body parts, but that stranger could then send your picture and your contact details to anyone anywhere.

Then consider that someone you know could pick up that cell phone for some silly reason and see your text and picture. It could be your child, mother, father, brother, friend or whoever.

Do you really want to have to explain this?

“Sexting can add a lot of sexual

energy to a relationship.”

It’s more than just pictures.

Are you ready to stick with sex talk for your sexting connection? All right then, is there a line you don’t want to cross here? Perhaps.

When getting sexual using the written word, just like sex talk in bed, some people are more comfortable than others.

This would be a good time to have a conversation about what your new honey feels comfortable doing. If she’s really verbal in bed already, then sexting may be a natural and comfortable flow for her.

If your honey is really quiet in bed (I think sex talk is hot and fun!), then you need to talk to her about her comfort level. She might discover she enjoys sexting or it makes her really uncomfortable.

A good rule of thumb is don’t say anything in a text message you wouldn’t say to her face. If you’re a lesbian that’s really comfortable with sex talk, this may seem like a no-brainer to you, but you need to feel out your girlfriend’s feelings about it.

For the younger set.

For those under 18 years old, sexting in and of itself is illegal. Sending naked pictures of yourself to anyone is also illegal when you’re under 18. Sending naked pictures of someone under 18 via text is also illegal.

Sexting has gotten many young people in lots of trouble with the law and their parents. It is considered to be child pornography and you do not want to mess with that.

If you’re over 18 and dating someone under 18, skip the pictures.

If you’re older, just ask yourself if you’d want your good friends or parents to see you on the Internet naked. Yeah, probably not.

Sexting can add a lot of sexual energy to a relationship. It can be fun foreplay and ensure you are both in the mode for sex, but watch out for the pitfalls of having really intimate information on your cell phone.

Now go on and enjoy that lovely lesbian you’ve been so fortunate to find. And tell me: Do you sext?

Photo source: bp.blogspot.com.

I started dating one of my close friends. Everything was all right until we started to argue more. He said he needed time to think about things but wouldn’t specify what “things” he needed to think about.

After being split up for a week, I decided I would give us another chance. Well come to find out he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend the day after we broke up. I told him if he wanted me, then he needed to break up with her.

Ever since then, she has not stopped texting him. I told him he needs to tell her off, but he just won’t do it.

Does he love me? Or is he just immature and needs time to grow up and be a real man?

-Caley (Maine)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Caley,

I’m wondering if your question might be better worded, “Do I need more time to grow up and become a real woman?”

Let’s take a look at what happened here:

There was conflict and the two of you didn’t have enough conflict resolution skills to find a path back to love. His only tool (a bad one at that) was to cut off the relationship to find some peace.

But clearly he likes having a girl because he latched onto an old girlfriend right away.

You couldn’t wait for him to return, so after merely a week, YOU decided to charge ahead and pursue him. Now you are making demands on him to control his ex-girlfriend’s behavior.

Here’s a wonderful lesson that will help you for the rest of your life: We cannot control anyone’s behavior. We can only control our own.

That may mean learning to control your tongue in an argument or contain yourself during separations.

There were many lessons for you in this painful event. The biggest sign of growth is not making the same mistake twice.

I wish you wisdom, young lady. When it hurts the most, you are growing the most.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

We’ve known each other for years and recently I moved away from her area. I tried not to let the distance change anything and continued my heavy flirtation via daily texts and consistent phone calls.

It seemed we were starting to seriously crush on each other. I poured my heart out to her. She ended up telling me she has feelings for me too but doesn’t want to date because we’d never see each other. I just figured I’ll wait for her. A couple days after that, I get no response. She never calls, texts or anything.

Why is she suddenly ignoring me?

-Thomas (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Thomas,

She is ignoring you because she just broke up with you.

I know you may want to keep the friendship, even if she doesn’t want to date, but the flirtatious nature of your communication is inappropriate for a platonic friendship.

Wait a while — weeks or months — and then communicate with her in a nonsexual, professional manner.

You may not salvage the relationship or even the friendship, but it’s worth a try.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

The relevant answer is rooted in what you are looking for.

As a man, my relationship with texting is bipolar. If I am looking to hook up with minimum fuss, then I love it. If I am looking for something meaningful, then I loathe it.

Ladies, you should remember this is how a guy sees texting in its most basic form.

Therefore, this should be your default setting on whether or not you should be texting a man you might be interested in.

Texting is not a deep form of communication.

It is the candy of your relationship diet.

Texting is relative to age. It is more acceptable for teens to text than it is for 30-year-olds.

But when it comes to creating a dating scenario of quality, the degree of texting is age appropriate for the relationship you want.

A teen uses texting as a form of privacy from their parents’ prying ears.

A 30-something male should be able to express himself verbally. If he still lives with his parents, you shouldn’t even have his number.

“Texting should be a means to an end, not a way for

him to get what he wants with minimum effort.”

Initiating a connection through text is fine.

Once the relationship is in full swing, texting is a great way to express small thoughts throughout the day.

It is the in-between stage that carries so much meaning, and this is where you have to go with your gut instinct.

Do you think it’s OK for a guy to be sitting at home all alone, watching TV and texting you? I don’t.

In my book, he should call you and have a conversation. You should not be a part of his multitasking lifestyle. You should be important.

As a female looking to date a great guy, texting should be an introduction into an actual conversation, whether that conversation is by telephone or face to face.

Your ultimate goal should be to spend time with the person.

Texting should be a means to an end, not a way for him to get what he wants with minimum effort and no show of gentlemanly behavior.

Any relationship is set by standards. If you set the bar too low, then you will feel used. If you set the bar too high, then you will feel left out.

The same goes for texting. You have to decide what you are looking for, and then you have to set your parameters according to your desires.

Ladies, what texting parameters do you set when dating?

Photo source: byu.edu.

I met this girl online and we talked for a couple of weeks. We were supposed to hang out, but she flaked on me.

Last time we talked was about a week ago. I know she is afraid about meeting people from online.

Should I text or call her? What should I say?

-Mike (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Mike,

Call her. Gain her trust.

I agree she should be wary about meeting people online, so suggest a group event where you each bring a friend and meet in a public place.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

I went out with this guy for the first time. The night went well and he said we would have to do it again very soon. Then he invited me out again but had to cancel because he didn’t have a babysitter for his 7-year-old daughter.

I sent him a text in the morning and he sent me a text that night saying “Hey beautiful,” but when I said, “Hi. How are you?” he didn’t respond.

What is going on?

-Kristina (Pennsylvania)

Dr Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

My sweet, hopeful Kristina,

Please don’t text men in the early stages of the mating dance, or I may have to pull your girls club card.

Men want to be the chaser, so let him chase a bit.

Also, parents have a very different sense of time. His week may have gotten away from him and by Friday he might have thought, “Darn, where did that nice Kristina go? I haven’t heard from her.”

Instead, you made yourself too available. Next time, contain yourself. When in doubt, wait and see.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

I went on a first date. It all ended with a heavy make-out session and we both went to our respective homes. I scheduled another date with her.

She text me letting me know she had a good time and we confirmed our plans. I want to message her more because I like her so much, but I am afraid she will get turned off.

Should I trust my mind or my heart?

-Stew (Louisiana)

Dr. Wendy:

Stew, you are dead right! If you can’t contain yourself and slow this train down, I promise you are headed for a crash.

After your second date, please wait at least five days before contacting her. This way she’ll wonder where you went and who you’re with.

This kind of anxiety in the early stages of love becomes that passion that can hold couples together for a long time.

And for darned sakes, don’t sleep with her for at least a month!

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.