Sure, I could answer this question with a variety of filthy answers, each more specific and vulgar than the last, but ultimately sex is only one route to a man’s heart.

Unless you’re planning on becoming extremely promiscuous, a library of sexual techniques won’t really address your desire to be able to turn on every man you meet with little more than a touch of shared conversation and a few lingering glances.

To achieve that, you need to cultivate a few of the qualities and traits all of the world’s most attractive women share.

Confidence.

Yes, believe it or not, men are deeply, deeply attracted to confident women. No matter how many media hits the vacuous, defenseless Kewpie doll archetype may receive, men will always find themselves ensnared by women with a strong sense of themselves.

This confidence doesn’t need to manifest itself in being loud, brassy or aggressive. There are plenty of confident women who are reserved, who keep to themselves, who come off a little more introverted than extroverted.

Any woman, no matter her temperament, who knows who she is and feels secure in that knowledge will attract all the men she can handle.

“Men find women’s

quirkiness attractive.”

Overt sensuality.

Please note I used the word “sensuality” and not “sexuality.” Men absolutely want to date women who are highly sexual in nature, but most men aren’t particularly attracted to women who flaunt their sexuality around at every possible moment, just as most women aren’t particularly attracted to men who are too overt and obvious with their own carnal nature.

However, even though men aren’t looking for a woman who is uncomfortably overt with her sexuality, men are looking for a woman who is highly sensual. By that, I mean men are attracted to women who clearly enjoy and appreciate indulging in their physical nature.

Women who love food, who love to dance and who generally move with a level of easy grace and effortless comfort with their bodies demonstrate their deep sensuality. And men can’t get enough of these women.

Trust me on this one. Any man who notices how sensual you are will assume your deep sexual nature as well. Display the former and save the latter for your privately shared moments.

Weirdness.

When I say men are attracted to weirdness, I don’t mean the sort of weirdness that involves collecting dolls and replacing their heads with photos of your ex-boyfriends. I mean the sort of weirdness that represents an authentic reflection of your own deepest, dorkiest nature.

Because let’s be honest — there’s probably some aspect of your personality that is nerdy, that is quirky or that’s a little too passionate about Justin Bieber.

Instead of trying to hide this side of yourself, highlight it. Make it clear you aren’t the queen of cool. Let it be known you aren’t scared of seeming silly or a little bit odd.

Men find women’s quirkiness attractive because it not only brings you down to earth and makes you a real person, it also allows us to drop our own walls and be more honest about those quirky aspects of our own personalities we might rather tuck away from the limelight.

If there is anyone who knows about turning a woman on, it’s James Bond. Unfortunately for fellow man, Bond is a fictional character and his polished artistry of seducing a woman is just that — fiction.

So for those of us who live in the real world, what kind of advice is there for a man looking to turn on a woman?

1. Women are different from men.

The most important thing for a man to remember is that sex for a woman is much more complex than sex for a man. Men get turned on in seconds. It takes a woman several minutes. Kiss and touch her lightly, look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her. It sounds cheesy, but it works.

If you think you have the magic touch and can get her head lights on, you may be toying with love vs. lust. In any case, know what she will respond to quickest and get her as excited as you are.

2. Women love a man who listens.

It doesn’t matter if she’s talking about her dog’s hemorrhoids or an upcoming Napa Valley trip, listen, or at least pretend to listen. There is nothing sexier than a guy who can repeat something you said two weeks ago.

3. Just be an all-around nice guy.

Nothing wins a woman over like petting a dog on the street or playing with her niece or nephew. It’s a way to show off your potential paternal instincts as well as make your lady swoon and ready for the bedroom.

4. Make her feel beautiful.

Women want to be wanted and desired. When she calls, answer the phone, “Hey, gorgeous!” and make sure to compliment her without overdoing it. “That shirt really brings out the blue of your eyes” is appropriate. “That shirt makes your tits look awesome” is not.

Whether you’re looking to turn on your wife of 30 years or a woman you met just last week, following the ways of James Bond may get you points for creativity, but it won’t help you out in the bedroom.

Get back to the real world and show her you’re a good listener, touch her slowly and sensually, be an all-around nice guy and make her feel beautiful. Now, good luck turning her off!

Yes, it’s the 21st century, but men still want a lady. Cursing like a sailor, smoking, getting drunk and dressing or acting like a slut will not endear you to many men. Flirting with every guy you see and wearing way too much makeup or perfume can also make him forget those romantic desires that usually keep him focused on you.

Extremes are also a turn-off. Incessant talking begins to sound like horrible noise after a while, but too much silence with nothing to say might make you seem boring. Being clingy and possessive drives men crazy, but being obsessed with yourself or uninterested in anything he does also makes you unappealing.

Rebuffing his first kiss after a magical night that led him to believe you liked him a lot, even if it’s because of some hard and fast code you follow, will throw a bucket of cold water on the romance. But being too eager and willing too soon will eliminate the hunt that makes him feel like you are a worthwhile catch.

Too much public affection too soon is also a turn-off. Of course, men don’t like negative things — nagging, bad hygiene, stupidity and inexplicable tears, for instance.

And don’t say one thing if you mean the opposite…and don’t expect him to read your mind…and don’t tell him you’re fine when you’re really mad…and don’t laugh at his shirt…and don’t talk about your ex all night long…and…

These questions have hounded women for ages. After all, women are caught in a tough spot when it comes to their sexuality. On the one hand, women are incredibly sexual, at least as sexual as men, and have powerful desires and needs they need met, needs which can only be properly satisfied by ruthlessly seducing their partner.

On the other hand, women are taught from a young age that only “bad girls” follow through with these urges and actually pursue their sexuality in a clear and direct manner. It’s incredibly unfortunate, but women are taught that aggressively seducing their man makes them a “slut.”

Caught between these two competing impulses, the biological and the social, women feel they need to learn how to turn their man on in a way that aligns with the public perception they’ve worked so hard to cultivate.

Does this have to be a problem?

It’s easy to argue that women should find themselves free to pursue their sexuality as fully as they want. It’s easy to feel that stifling female sexuality is a huge crime against women.

And these arguments are absolutely correct. Women shouldn’t be judged for their sexuality, women shouldn’t have to feel conflicted every time they want to turn their man on, and the way women’s sexuality has been suppressed really can be seen as criminal.

But none of these arguments are particularly helpful. None of these hypothetical statements change the fact that women do feel conflicted about their sexual and social obligations. While they can guide us toward creating a healthier future, they don’t provide a whole lot of answers for the present.

If you feel conflicted about your sexuality, then you have to accept the fact that this conflict is hardwired into you. It isn’t going anywhere. It isn’t going to disappear. So you might as well use it.

“Be ‘good’ on the outside and ‘bad’

on the inside without guilt or shame.”

Leveraging the tension.

If you want to really turn your man on without damaging your social appearance, then you won’t try to fight the internal conflict between your biological and social impulses. Instead, you will leverage it.

Men are incredibly turned on by a woman who is completely tasteful on the outside and completely filthy on the inside. Men love women who can embody both sides of this conflict, who can act totally proper in public and completely depraved in private. You see, this conflict doesn’t need to damage the appeal of your sexuality. It can actually multiply it.

Are there men who find themselves most attracted to women who project their sexuality at all times? Do some men really like women who buck societal expectations and get what they want, from who they want, when they want it? Absolutely. And as long as they’re being relatively responsible with their actions, these women should never be judged for pursuing their impulses.

But if you’ve read this far into this article, then I’d bet a chunk of change that you aren’t one of those women. I’d bet you feel the conflict. You can try to go out and be that ultra-confident, ultra-sexual, ultra-aggressive woman, but doing so probably won’t feel congruent and won’t do a whole lot for you or your man.

So use it. Be “good” on the outside and “bad” on the inside without guilt or shame.

And guess what? Not only will playing with this conflict turn your man on, it will be just as exciting for you.

I cannot impress upon women the value of letting a man make the first move. For starters, it puts you in control and him at your mercy. You want to feel wanted, desired and sought after — not clingy, needy or desperate.

When you bring a man to a place where he can no longer resist your efforts to make him yours, you are in the power seat. You want him to kiss you, to say “I love you” first, to be the one who does the calling, and to seek you in hot pursuit.

If a guy turns into a potential candidate to spend forever with, you always want to be able to remember that he wanted you, that he had to have you, that you drove him to the brink of insanity and back again. Plus, you want to be able to remind him that he found you irresistible, not the other way around.

Trust me, it’s better this way. You don’t ever want to look back on those early days together and wonder if you came on too strong or pitied him into liking you.

It’s not always about sex.

Let’s be clear about what it means to be seductive because it’s so much more than getting a man in the sack, which is where women make the first mistake in their dealings with men. C’mon, ladies, most of us know it doesn’t take much to get a man to hop in bed with us. After all, they’re drooling at the mouth from the first moment we walk into a room, counting the seconds until it will become appropriate to discuss the possibility of sex.

Seduction is being alluring, mysterious and desirable enough to keep him guessing and wanting more of what you have to offer outside the bedroom. Don’t make the critical error of thinking that being seductive is about sex. You’ll become too eager to give in to his insatiable need for it, foolishly believing the act of sex will keep him coming back for more.

Seduction has little to do with making whoopee and everything to do with making a lasting impression. It’s about body language, voice control and verbal cues, not dressing sexy or talking dirty. It should always be delivered in a tasteful way so that you don’t compromise your dignity or self-esteem. Whether you are a super cool chick or the type of woman who blushes at the thought of portraying herself as a sex icon, these no-nonsense tips will help you to become successfully seductive:

A little mischievousness is needed to be seductive,

but be sure it doesn’t turn into a tease-fest.

1. It’s all in the eyes.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul and it’s true. Look in the mirror and practice making eye contact with yourself. Discover every different type of possible flirtation your eyes can create, and find a few looks you’re comfortable with. Men go gaga over gorgeous eyes. Find the eye shadow/mascara/eyeliner combo you can come up with to make your eyes look sultry, and head for a night on the town. Shoot him a few of those eye poses you came up with. He will melt!

2. When it comes to clothes, more is marvelous.

Don’t dress like a slut unless you want to be treated like one. Plunging necklines, backless dresses, super short skirts, and clear stripper heels are not the elements of a seductive ensemble. They are evidence of a desperate attempt made by a woman who doesn’t know the first thing about being sexy. Choose something that compliments your shape and shows off those eyes we talked about.

3. Always leave him wanting more.

Giving it up too soon can turn a hot date into a hot mess. Give him plenty of time to yearn for you before you let him know how irresistible you find him. End phone conversations first, suggest it’s time to call it a night before he does and abruptly interrupt a couple of make-out sessions because you have to get up early. You want to drive him wild with your clothes on long before you wow him with a wild interlude that includes taking your clothes off.

4. A true seductress knows that seduction is all in the mind.

Looking good is only a small part of what makes a woman seductive. Seduction is a psychological game that requires an element of mystery and deep, intellectual conversation. Mental chess is very attractive to men, and if you can hold your own in a game, you’ll hook him on all kinds of levels.

You want to maintain the fantasy aspect as long as possible, which means he will be able to conjure up all kinds of ideas about who you are before you tell him. Never tell your date too much too soon. Cleverly avoid questions and redirect the conversation to him.

Even though these are great ways to seduce a man, watch out! Webster’s also says to seduce someone is to “persuade them to disobedience or disloyalty” or “lead them astray by persuasion or false promises.” A little mischievousness is needed to be seductive, but be sure it doesn’t turn into a tease-fest. If you want to learn more about how to be sassy and seductive, read Robert Greene’s internationally acclaimed book, “The Art of Seduction.”

I can tell you about all of my first kisses with men who meant something to me, but I can’t remember kisses in the case of an empty connection. Kissing should turn the other person on. Guys, if you’re willing to learn how to kiss a girl and make her toes curl, then pay attention:

1. It’s not just about the lips.

Sure, the goal is to put your lips on her lips, but there’s so much more to that. Think about her hands, the small of her back — her booty even. Just think beyond those pink lips that adorn her face.

2. Say something.

Before moving in for the piece de resistance, whisper something like, “Tonight has been completely perfect” or “Do you know what would make tonight even better?” and then lean in and pucker up.

3. Location, location, location.

Instead of awkwardly waiting for the end-of-the-night-I’m-standing-in-front-of-your-apartment kiss, take her for a short stroll in a neighborhood park (with lighting and other people, of course) and smooch her there. Then you have the whole walk/car ride home to hold hands and think about kissing again.

Whether it’s a first kiss or a 5,000th kiss, make it more than just the obligatory action of putting your lips on hers. Make it about the emotion and feelings you have for each other. Make it more than just a kiss!

But as we all know, this just isn’t the case. There are times when your kiss doesn’t seem to light much of a fire within your man. There are times when your man seems like there are a half dozen other things he’d rather be doing in the moment, no matter how deeply you desire him.

Even if your man gets a little turned on every time you kiss him, you probably have some room for improvement in your lip locking. After all, do you simply want to turn your man on when you kiss him, or do you want to make him lose interest in everything but you every time you want to rev him up?

If you want to develop kisses that your man can’t defend himself against, read on.

“When you make your man chase, you

will lead him where you want.”

The overwhelming force approach.

One way to light your man up with your kiss is to simply throw absolutely everything you have into it. Forcibly attack him with your passion. Kiss him as if you haven’t seen him in years and as if you will never see him again in your life. Give the kiss every single ounce of fire you can muster, all at once.

Most of the time your man doesn’t respond to your kiss because he’s distracted. There are other things on his mind. He is fixated on work or on some other point of interest that’s taking all of his attention and preventing him from being present in the moment, something of such seemingly enormous concern that he has a difficult time connecting with his body.

The overwhelmingly passionate kiss works because it presents your man with an even more powerful force to deal with than whatever is kicking around in his head.

To make the overwhelming approach work, you need to go all out. You simply can’t take “no” for an answer. Maybe your man will get upset at first, but provided he is emotionally well adjusted and reasonably self-controlled, this won’t be a problem.

Getting that first emotional reaction out of him, even if it’s momentary frustration, can be an effective way to connect him to the moment. And once he’s out of his head and deep in the moment, he’s yours.

Make him chase.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, you can take a subtler route and have just as much success. Rather than being the overt aggressor, you can kiss him in a manner that lightly draws him out of his head and pulls him into your shared reality.

Kiss him with a hint of passion then withdraw. Make him chase for the next kiss. With each kiss, give him a little more passion and press a little deeper into him. Then withdraw, pull back and make him come to you.

When you make your man chase, you will lead him where you want with him feeling, the whole time, that he is in control and the one taking charge of the situation. You will know better, and the results will be explosive.