Part of it depends on which age cluster you are in.

• 45 years+
• Over 50 mate seekers
• 55–early sexagenarian singles

Most men born in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s are still inclined to be chivalrous. They were raised on the behavior that a man pays for dates.

Total cost of dating.

For goodness sake, ladies, if the man you are out a date with reaches for his wallet and wants to pay for your date, let him.

However, always bring some money with you so you’re not caught shorthanded.

When you two are only looking at the cost of the date and pondering who should pay for the date, you are not looking at the total cost of dating (TCOD).

“Men who demonstrate providing

abilities create that initial attraction.”

Initial attraction depends on gender.

Gentlemen, the ladies you are dating are aiming to appeal to what creates initial attraction for men — visual chemical attraction. That means women are aiming to look their best to get your attention.

A woman who wants to look her best will likely get her hair done, do her makeup just so, invest in a manicure and pedicure and possibly even purchase a new first date ensemble.

Women’s TCOD is often in the appearance side of things.

However, cultivating attraction in women is different than initial attraction for men, where it starts with looks and appearance.

It may sound old fashioned, but women do still find a man with a plan who wants to provide for her at least somewhat attractive. Men who demonstrate some providing abilities can certainly create that initial attraction, which leads to more second dates.

When you‘re on your second date and looking at a third date together, you are well on your way to a mature midlife relationship.

What do you think about paying for dates and the cost of modern dating?

Photo source: americanblackchickinlondon.blogspot.com.

In my 70s and dating a man in his 70s. We do not live together. I’m going to Florida with him in his car. He would be going down alone anyway.

Should I pay for some of the travel expenses? How does traveling together work? Who pays what?

-Louise (New York)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Louise,

Excellent question, young lady. Times have changed, but your man may be of the generation who still respects traditional gender roles.

The best place to start is with a kind inquiry to see what he prefers. I don’t know each of your financial situations. Both of you may now be on fixed incomes, or one or both of you may have investments that produce inactive income.

But if you are to have a truly healthy intimate relationship, then you’ve got to be prepared to broach the sticky subject of money. And you’ve got to ask yourself what you prefer and will accept.

If he has much more money than you and you feel cared for and loved when he spends it on your comfort, then tell him so. If, on the other hand, you have more money, you may have to find a subtle way to pay your share (or more) without hurting his pride.

But the key is to have that important conversation before you get in his car and misunderstandings crop up. Enjoy the sunshine!

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

When the date consists of a man and a woman, it’s virtually (and traditionally) known that a man is supposed to pony up and pay for dinner and a movie.

But what about when two women are on a date together? On a lesbian date, who pays? While there isn’t a black and white answer, there are a few things to consider before whipping out your debit card:

1. She who asks, pays.

If you ask her out on a date, then you should pay. This really only applies to the first date. On the second date, both women should offer to pay and going Dutch is a practical solution.

2. She who makes more money pays.

Once you’re past the three-date mark, the woman who makes the most money should offer to pay. If you’re a lawyer and you’re dating a waitress, chances are, a nice dinner is just a small portion of your bi-weekly paycheck. For a waitress, it could mean not being able to pay the electric bill.

3. It’s not just about the money.

Once the relationship is on the fast track and the two of you are going out on a regular basis, she who pays is no longer the most important question.

Say you’re the waitress and you girlfriend pays for 100 percent of dinners out. That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. If you can’t afford a fancy dinner, then cook for her at your apartment and make it extra special. Dating goes both ways.

So there you have it. When it comes to dating, there is no yes or no answer on who should pay on a lesbian date. Whether it’s dinner, the movies, a concert or ice skating lessons, think about etiquette, and be practical before whipping out your credit card or expecting your date to pay.

These are tough times, and most people don’t have a job that supports a dating life, let alone one that covers the monthly bills. However, there are ways to date on a budget without sacrificing the fun.

Take advantage of free events.

In every city and every town in the country, there are numerous of free activities just waiting for you to take advantage of them. Check your local bulletin boards or your city’s website for a listing of the free concerts, art shows and festivals. Be sure to look for the fine print about entrance fees.

Make the most of your area by inviting a woman on a day date that utilizes the local outdoor activities. Go rollerblading through the park, or take a leisurely hike on the nature trails.

Spend the evening stargazing at the popular lookout spot. If you live near the water, spend the afternoon at the beach and watch the sunset from the dock at the end of the day.

If you aren’t the outdoorsy type, invite your date over to play board games. If you are musical, give her a private guitar lesson. If you have a TV show you watch every Thursday, have her come over with the popcorn and catch her up on the latest plot.

Visit the local farmers market, which is normally cheaper than large supermarkets, and pick out some fresh ingredients to cook later. And speaking of cooking…

“If you are creative, you will

impress your date in no time.”

Cook at home.

Cooking at home is more romantic and personal than going to a snooty restaurant. Re-enact your first date by cooking your first meal together at your place. Set up an idyllic spot in the backyard with blankets and a bottle of wine. You could also plan a group date at home and have everyone bring one dish.

If you decide to go out, share an appetizer and split the entree. This will save you a large amount of money, and most restaurants give you an ungodly amount of food you could never eat in one sitting anyway.

Plan, plan, plan.

Planning is key if you want to have an exciting dating life and save money. Pay attention to which restaurants are having lunch or dinner specials that day.

Sign up for LivingSocial or Groupon, which send you daily deals for activities and eateries, to help you determine what this week’s date night will entail.

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. If you are creative, keep your eyes open for deals, and take advantage of your area’s goings-on, you will impress your date in no time while also keeping your wallet full.

Sure, there are plenty of gold diggers and materialistic women out there who care only about cash and hot cars, but they wouldn’t be dating you to begin with. They’re looking for dollar signs, and if you ain’t got ‘em, she won’t want you. Most women, however, do not care about financial status. We just want to find someone we click with, someone who is smart and makes us laugh. The best way to deal with this issue in the early days is to make sure you take her out on great dates.

You may have to be a little creative to find things you can afford to do together, but something as simple as a picnic can win us over. When we meet a guy, we are more focused on compatibility and communication than money. More than anything, we want to establish a connection, and you can create one free of charge!

So what’s a girl to do? How can she know if she should grab the check, wait for him to take it or throw in half? Let’s start with a little common sense, and then work into the more difficult scenarios.

He’s rich.

Of course, if he’s a bit older, more established in his career and has the clothes and car to prove it, then don’t give the bill a second thought. Your companionship and the possibilities you represent are worth far more than money to a man of distinction. Just make sure you let him consider and yearn for those possibilities for a while. You bring just as much value to the relationship as he does. So, no matter how much he may spend for you, always remember that you don’t owe him a thing except, perhaps, a smile and your attention.

“Relationships require a healthy give and take, and the way you

both handle the price of dating might even give you some

good insights into your compatibility.”

You’re rich.

But what if you are the modern woman with an MBA and an office with real walls and a door, and he’s a hunky bartender who survives on tips? You have to get a feel for the situation. Not an emotional feel but an intellectual one. You’ve obviously got a brain that made you successful in life and business so use it.

Is your stud muffin always texting you to bring home wine or beer? Does he ask you to have Chinese delivered after an early evening “date” in the sack? Enjoy what he’s got to offer you if you must, but don’t support him.  This one might be a bum, so stay with the occasional booty call — on your terms and your schedule.

But what if he’s putting himself through law school? He’s got potential, but he doesn’t have much cash flow now. He feels bad when you pay, but if you don’t pay, there won’t be any real dates. Tell him he can pay it all back to you someday, and pay for a nice date once in a while — not for tuition, car payments, rent or grandma’s operation. Got it? And you can still let him take you on some reasonably priced dates to the movies or art museum.

You have equally modest incomes.

Most often, you’ll probably find a guy whose finances are a lot like yours.  You’re both doing OK and can afford some entertainment, but your resources aren’t unlimited.

Make the first meeting cheap, and let him wonder if it is a real date or not. Maybe go for coffee. If you have to queue up to order and pay, assume you will pay for your own. If he wants to pay, let him pay if you like him, but don’t let him pay if you’re not sure about him or if you know he’s broke. If there is table service or you’re at a bar, they might ask if you want it on one tab or two. Ask him, “Do you want separate tabs?” and go with his answer. If they drop one bill on the table, wait a few moments to see if he wants it.

That’s right — wants it. He’s a man. If he wants this to be a date, he will probably grab the bill. If you grab it, he might believe you don’t consider this to be a date. Yes, it’s the third millennium, but cave law still rules male-female relationships, at least in the early stages. In this man’s mind, if you take that bill, it could be tantamount to neutering him like a new puppy. Be considerate of the tender parts of his manhood.

Here’s something else you might try at the end of that cheap first date if you want to see him again. When the bill arrives, grab it. When he protests, tell him you had a great time and this one’s on you. Then, with your best smile, look him in the eye and say something like, “But you can buy me dinner on Saturday night.” It’s bold, but he likes that about you.

Here are a couple more tips for scenarios you might encounter.

• He picks up the check, but you know it’s a heavy one for him. You can insist on leaving the tip and/or giving him $20 or so. Just make sure your contribution is considerably less than half, so you don’t crush his male ego.

• Maybe you want to get him to enjoy something in your world like the ballet. Tell him, “I’ll get the tickets, and you can get dinner.” If he wants to take you to a ballgame, you can tell him you’ll cover parking and buy the beer and hot dogs.

It just makes things seem a bit less “financial” if you don’t divide the check down the middle. Math is not romantic. Get your own bill, give him some cash, leave a tip, take turns paying, or pay for different aspects of the date.

The key is to do what is practical for your situation and his. Work together and talk about it before it becomes an issue. Be considerate of his fragile ego, but help a guy out when it’s the right thing to do. Relationships require a healthy give and take, and the way you both handle the price of dating might even give you some good insights into your compatibility.

This is not to say you should have to pay for every date. I do not believe a man should have to break the bank to get to know a woman of interest. She should pay on occasion, too. But, you will win some serious points with a woman you’re wooing when you pick up the tab. Whether you go out to a fancy restaurant or McDonald’s for that first meal, a woman really feels important and valuable when a man offers to pay.

For most dinners and drinks out, they’ve decided to go Dutch. But my friend knows her boyfriend is spending money he doesn’t have, and she doesn’t know what to do about it. She grew up in a hardworking, Southern family, and he comes from a family with money. The difference is while he’s been starting up his welding business, she went and got a master’s degree to work in the corporate world.

I told her nobody should go into credit card debt because of dating or dinners out. I told her to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with her boyfriend about the issue. I told her to remind him she comes from a humble, hardworking, generous family, and lowering his stress level about going out is more important to her than money.

It’s 2012 and I believe we are way past the point of the man paying for everything. Sure, there is still male-female income disparity in the United States, but that doesn’t mean women are handicap and unable to support themselves. Gone are the days of growing up, getting married and letting a husband take care of his wife. Today, who pays the bill should be based on practicality and a realistic outlook.

Remember these five important deciding factors:

1. On a first date, the person who did the asking should pay.
2. On a second date, both parties should attempt to pay. If an agreement isn’t reached, then the duo should go Dutch.
3. Restaurant bills should continue to be paid Dutch-style until the couple is comfortable enough to discuss finances. Then the partner who makes a significantly higher wage should offer more often.
4. If both partners make relatively similar wages, they should take turns paying.
5. Pay no attention to numbers one through four if the dinner or date is for a birthday, special holiday or potential engagement.

Of course, your situation may differ from my friend’s, but you get the gist. Going Dutch or not going Dutch is not a black and white decision. It’s no longer assumed the man foots the bill. If you’re far enough along into a relationship you feel comfortable starting a conversation about finances, then come up with a system that works for you — with or without the wooden shoes.