We know people say stupid things, but sometimes — they’re really stupid. Fortunately some people’s “WTF I can’t believe you would do that” mistakes are others’ entertainment.
Here we’ve collected the best of the best from straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com for your enjoyment. Nothing like a poorly attempted pickup to brighten up your day!
11. Success Rate
Well, at least he can recognize how effective it is. That’s the first step.
10. Future Hairdresser
You should definitely be terrified. Please don’t let this man cut your hair.
9. Dog Person
Some men want you — some men just want your dog.
8. Name Game
He probably thought he was being clever. How unfortunate.
7. Pork Lover
Things not to do: refer to people as any kind of sexy animal.
6. Cookie Dough
Why would he ruin something as good and pure as cookie dough?
5. Facial Expert
Is it more alarming that he equates semen with facials, or that he calls her darling?
4. Smooth & Vein-y
He was just waiting for her to use a size-related adjective.
3. Common Ground
But … why even bother writing all that out if you just want to skip it?
2. Rubbish Bin
I think we all know who the real garbage is here.
1. Haha Kidding
And on top of everything, he said “your” and not “you’re.” Oy.
Photo source: bigjoeonthego.com