How To Tell Her What You Want In The Bedroom

Men's Dating

How to Tell Her What You Want in the Bedroom

Katie B.

Written by: Katie B.

Katie B.

Katie B. has a MPH in health promotion and has plans to complete a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. You can read more about Katie B's journey in an open relationship at

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Have you ever wondered, “How do I get a woman to give me a blowjob?”

“How do I get my girlfriend to like facials? How do I tell my partner I like gangbang porn? How do I tell my girlfriend I want to have my prostrate massaged? How do I tell my girlfriend I am into being dominated?”

I have a simple answer:

You just tell her. You talk about it.

It takes courage and bravery to be vulnerable, especially when the information you are sharing is outside of the norm, but you can do it.

“Women don’t like facials,” or “Women don’t like porn” or “Women always want to be the submissive one during sex” are myths that perpetuate unequal and unbalanced dynamics in relationships.

Similarly, myths like “Men only want one thing – sex,” “Men prefer porn stars to average-looking women” or “Men should always be dominant during sex” are unhelpful to developing authentic and flexible relationships.

These myths are based on the idea that men and women are somehow so different from one another that they might as well be from different planets.

In any case, you could very well feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by bringing up something you want, like or desire.

Your partner could try to make you feel ashamed or weird about your desires, but you know what? If they do, you don’t want to be with them.

“It may sound terrifying, but you

will have more satisfying relationships.”

This doesn’t mean a partner should oblige to every fantasy or desire of yours because it is what you want, but it does mean they should respect you, all of you, and at least be willing to entertain a conversation about your sexual proclivities.

If you are really fearful of your partner’s response, I recommend asking your partner what she thinks about your interests without telling her they are your own.

Through approaching the topic on your part with genuine curiosity about her feelings and thoughts, you hopefully can have a good sense about whether it is something that is worth talking about further.

How important the desire is to you?

Is this something you are willing to compromise on? Would you be OK not ever experiencing this particular thing with this person? Is your desire non-negotiable?

Ideally, you should have a sense of how flexible you are with your desires so you can let your partner know where you stand, giving her a fair chance to make an informed decision.

Key ingredients to healthy intimate relationships include honesty and a willingness to be vulnerable. While it may sound terrifying to open up about things you want in your erotic/sexual life, you will have more satisfying relationships in the long run.

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