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There you are sitting across from a gorgeous man with a great smile, a steady income and a love for Siberian huskies, your favorite kind of dog.
He laughs at your jokes, opens doors and smells like what you imagine Ryan Gosling would smell like.
Everything is going well but you’re trembling inside. You have secrets – baggage he just doesn’t know about. You’re worried if he discovered these things about you, he just may take that million-dollar smile and run for the hills.
So what do you do?
Do you tell him about your baggage?
It depends. First, we have to define the meaning of the word baggage.
If by baggage you mean a crazy ex-boyfriend you still sleep with when you’re feeling lonely, then you need to keep quiet about that, go home and tell crazy ex Rick you’re done with him. If you truly want to enter a new relationship, you have to let go of the past.
This is something New Guy doesn’t need to know about. Men are simple, and the more complex your life is, the more intimidating it will be for a guy to want to enter that.
“Do your inner work and drop this
baggage before you begin dating.”
But if by baggage you mean a child who’s still in the developing stages of its life, one that needs your care and attention, then you need to tell him.
A child is not baggage. It is your child, a part of your life. Don’t assume this man you’re dating will not want to date you anymore because of this. It is important he knows.
Be honest about the fact you may have a little less time for him because you have a child to raise. If he’s ready for the responsibility, he’ll be happy to step up to the challenge of making your relationship work.
If he’s not ready, then he’ll politely decline future dates, but at least you’ll know upfront. Everything will be out in the open.
Dating is all about creating something new.
Leave what can be left in the past in the past. Don’t trash men you’ve dated before. Don’t talk about your past dating challenges. Don’t discuss your drama-filled life.
Do your inner work and drop this baggage before you even begin dating. Be positive and excited about creating a new life, one with a man who is excited about you and what you can create together.
If you’re not ready to do that, then just stay at home with your Ben & Jerry’s and watch “The Notebook” for the 15th time. You will not attract men this way, but at least you won’t burden us with your baggage.
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