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Dating can be an elusive activity, particularly in the gay community where no roadmap was offered to us during our socialization as kids on how to negotiate man-to-man intimate relationships.
Left to our own devices, many of us have stumbled trying to figure out the best method for snagging our Mr. Right, only to be frustrated with our efforts when the guy never calls back, we can’t seem to find him in the first place, or he ended up not being who he originally claimed himself to be.
And that’s the purpose of this column here…to help you build some skills and strategies for enhancing your dating life to maximize your success with meeting and maintaining relationships with compatible men on your quest for finding a partner for life.
One of the most common questions I get is, “How do I make myself more attractive so that I’ll yield better results with men?” This 3-part article series will address some key elements to helping you improve your game.
As you’ll see, it’s much more about attitude and approach than anything else, as well as ensuring you’re attracting the right kind of attention as “quality” of prospects is more important than “quantity,” and you also want to make sure you’re gaining the attention of relationship-minded men.
So on with the countdown of factors that will heighten your “Sexiness Quotient” in the dating jungle!
This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how people dismiss the importance of those basic social skills that are prerequisites for successful relating.
This means having good manners, making sure to say “Please” and “Thank you,” and being chivalrous with your date. There is nothing sexier! It communicates respect, refinement and maturity.
In the online world, this seems to have gone out the window altogether! Another aspect of this involves behaving with integrity, doing what you say you’re going to do and being consistent with this over the long haul.
This is an area many men struggle with, and a whole course could be devoted to this!
This entails having knowledge and well-honed execution of conversation skills, being able to express thoughts and feelings directly and assertively, being an active listener and learning how to validate and attend to your dating prospect.
Making sure your words match your body language, as well as feeling comfortable with authentic flirting can make all the difference here!
Good books on this subject include “Man Talk: The Gay Couple’s Communication Guide” by Neil Kaminsky and “Love Between Men: Enhancing Intimacy and Resolving Conflicts in Gay Relationships” by Rik Isensee.
And we’ve only just begun! Stay tuned next week for Part 2 on helping you to bring sexy back!