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As a talk show host and one of the faces of The Art of Charm, I speak to thousands of guys every year, many of whom entrust me with their darkest secrets, demons and insecurities.
One of the most common fears, by FAR, is a woman will not think he’s good in bed or he won’t be able to please his wife or girlfriend.
Of course, if you’re a two-pump chump, can’t get it up or think the labia is a country in Africa, women will obviously find out pretty damn quick you’re not going to be able to take care of business.
What’s even more disturbing is women can tell if a guy is bad in bed before the clothes even come off (and, frankly, before we’re anywhere NEAR that point to begin with).
Fortunately for us guys, the telltale signs that we’re clueless in the sack can be corrected.
It won’t necessarily make you any better in bed, but hey, at least you’ll get to take a crack at things. Am I right?
Of course, even if you’re a superstar in the sack, a lot of these “telltale” signs are killing your chances of getting a chance to prove it.
So, whether or not you’ve got a handle on things between the sheets, you’ll want to avoid the following behaviors like you avoid that aunt with the prickly upper lip at a family party.
Like “Reading Rainbow,” you don’t have to take MY word for it.
I’ve polled a bunch of cute girls on this (and a few ugly ones just for good measure), so you know it’s legit.
Kim, one of the coaches here at The Art of Charm, told us she assumes a guy will be bad in bed by how he moves.
Quick, jerky or nervous movements show plainly, “He’s not comfortable in his own body, so he definitely won’t be comfortable with mine.”
The way one moves can be a tough one to remedy, but the quickest solution is exercise, especially a masculine sport such as boxing or MMA.
If you don’t enjoy getting punched in the grill repeatedly on a daily basis, go for Crossfit.
It’s a functional fitness program that’s scalable, meaning you’re not just pumping iron. You’re actually doing movements that strengthen your entire body.
I know firsthand Crossfit not only makes you stronger, burns fat and builds muscle, but it totally changes how you move, increases body coordination and obliterates stress.
Say goodbye to nervous, jerky movements and say hello to a new body type and level of fitness.
As an added bonus, most Crossfit “boxes”(gyms) are jam packed with smoking hot, extremely fit women.
You’re grossed out by the human body and freak out when a girl has leg hair, you spot menstrual blood, etc.
Andrea tells us, somewhat graphically (but we’re cool with it, I swear), “The yard shouldn’t have to be perfectly groomed for you to play in it.”
In other words, if you make a comment or are even visibly uneasy about the female body (or even your OWN body), then you’re probably going to be a pretty sterile, unimaginative lay, and women can sense that.
However, Andrea’s a bit of a bad girl and even hates the term “make love,” so maybe steer clear of that type of hippie-sensitive talk when trying to make it with a Suicide Girl.
Sex is sometimes down and dirty.
The more you learn to dig that, the more comfortable she’ll feel letting her guard down around you both on the streets and between the sheets.
“Judgments, ex-girlfriend stories and sexual
braggadocio are all ways to cool things off.”
“I don’t know. What do YOU want to do tonight? Where should we eat? Should we go here or there?”
Leila complained to us constant indecision tends to warn her off.
“When he leaves everything to me on a date, it leads me to expect he’s going to be the same way in the bedroom, and we don’t want that,” she said.
She also notes, “Overconfidence to the point of arrogance serves as exactly the same warning. If he’s talking about how great he is and making sure I know how great everyone else thinks he is, that shows me he’s overcompensating, and I don’t want to stick around to figure out why.”
Plan a date. It doesn’t have to be perfect or go completely according to plan, but putting forth the effort definitely goes a LONG way.
If you don’t know how to plan a date, The Art of Charm has you covered. We’ve done a bunch of podcasts specifically on this topic here.
If you’re the braggy, arrogant type, realize you’re only fooling two types of people: yourself and women with little self-respect.
Who do YOU want to be dating?
Before you brush this one off, bear in mind this is one of the TOP complaints women have about men when it comes to foreplay and sex.
It’s something even many experienced guys get totally, horribly wrong, so read on if you want to avoid joining the ranks of the dudes who just don’t get it and will never know why.
Emily, a sexologist and friend of The Art of Charm, explains she, “has to like the way his casual touch feels on [her] skin. If I unconsciously tense up and pull away from his touch, I listen to my body.”
“Also, if he touches me too much (you don’t need to punctuate every sentence by patting my thigh) or not enough (as in, he keeps his arms crossed like a bouncer), I can tell he won’t know how to please me when things get more intimate,” she said.
On the bright side, getting that practice can be a heck of a lot of fun, as it involves trying things out on as many women as you can meet.
You say things that make you sound boring in the sack, even though you’re just making conversation.
Unfortunately, there’s just too long of a list to reproduce here, but one of the biggest blunders guys make is being judgmental about other people’s sexual proclivities.
Katie, a pretty middle-of-the-road girl herself, found she was turned off when a guy she was dating expressed a bit of revulsion about a past sexual exploit (talking about past sexual exploits in exhaustive detail is another no-no in fact).
“He basically labeled himself a total dead cow in bed when he told me the last girl he dated was ‘kind of a freak’ because she wanted him to pull her hair,” she said.
“Sorry, but almost every girl I know loves that when applied properly at the right time. If he thinks THAT was weird, I’m going to have to teach him everything, and even then, it’ll probably fall on deaf ears.”
‘Nuff said Katie. Loud and clear.
If you can’t, shut the hell up about it.
The saddest part is the poor bastard in the above example was probably just testing the waters with Katie to see if she’d be into it.
Unfortunately for him, that was not the time. (If you’re curious, the answer is you give it a try while you’re in the act and take it from there, not a minute sooner.)
Judgments, ex-girlfriend story hour and sexual braggadocio are all surefire ways to cool things off and expedite yourself to the friend zone.
Learn the above well, grasshopper, and give yourself a fighting chance.
What signs do you use to show her you’re good in bed?
Photo source: idiva.com.