Men's Dating

7 Ways Being a Pickup Artist Can Make You Weird

Jordan Harbinger

Written by: Jordan Harbinger

Jordan Harbinger

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned social dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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A lot of men looking to up their social game fall into the seduction community at one point or another. There are a lot of reasons this turns out to be a bust. I’m not going to explore those today.

What I am going to explore is the number of ways the seduction community, also known as pickup artists, can make you a bit weird — to your friends, to your family and ultimately to women.

1. Smug superiority.

This is a biggie. A lot of men consider themselves somehow “evolved” just because they’re in on the “secrets” of the seduction community.

They use terms like “average frustrated chump” for the rest of the world.

Even a 30-year-old basement-dwelling virgin has something up on the rest of us because he’s studied at the foot of PUA masters.

He’s not a player yet, but he knows how to be one on paper. Sure he does.

2. Unsolicited advice.

It was a wiser man than I who said one of the gravest sins a person can commit is giving out unsolicited advice.

Once a guy goes through a few seduction community classes, he begins to fancy himself an expert on all affairs of the heart.

It’s normal to be enthusiastic about a new subject you’re getting your feet wet in. It’s a whole other thing to start lecturing everyone around you about what they need to do to make their lives better.

3. Exaggerating the advice.

A lot of the advice in the seduction community is on how to be “high status,” “high value” or even an “alpha male.”

This leads to a lot of men not acting high status, high value or alpha. Instead, they act like a caricature of how they think these types would behave.

You’re going to see a lot of arrogant behavior, even toward your friends. They can’t take jokes anymore. They can’t admit mistakes. They end up being even more socially inept than they were before.


“Rather than learning tricks to get women into

bed, the trick is better communication skills.”

4. Bad relationships with other men.

A lot of times you end up ruining your relationships with other men.

I’m going to put forward a radical proposition: No social dynamics coaching is worth anything if it doesn’t also lead to an increased quality in the types of relationships you have with other men.

But guys coming out of the seduction community tend to look down on “AFCs,” become highly competitive with guys who are good with women but aren’t part of “the community” and see guys who are good with women both in and out of the community as a means to an end and seeing our friends as “social proof.”

The community can give you a very warped perception of how to value other people.

5. Focusing on cheap gimmicks.

I have a joke that The Art of Charm isn’t a PUA academy because we don’t tell guys to wear a fuzzy white hat and tell women they’re fat.

This is because a lot of the PUA approach uses gimmicks and tricks to get (mostly low-value) women to like you.

Why do you want a woman to like a set of gimmicks? Why don’t you want a woman to like you for who you are?

6. Trading one set of wrong ideas for another.

Before getting into the seduction community, men often see women as special creatures that need to be loved, saved and put on a pedestal – creatures that don’t like sex and only like nice guys.

When they become part of the seduction community, they start seeing women as flaky, emotionally unstable, illogical, fickle, self-centered and going out mostly to find validation from men.

Both approaches to women are equally misguided.

7. So what’s the answer?

I’d argue rather than trying to learn a bunch of new jargon and tricks to get women into bed, the trick is to cultivate self-esteem and better communication skills across the board.

This will not only help you to get the girl, but it will also allow you to live out your dreams.

Fellas, do you think pickup artist techniques work? Share your opinion in the comments section!

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