Do You Have Trouble Keeping It Up

Men's Dating

Do You Have Trouble Keeping it Up?

Jordan Harbinger

Written by: Jordan Harbinger

Jordan Harbinger

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned social dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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It happens to every guy at least once: The mind is willing but the body is not. Some guys encounter it rarely. Some guys have trouble with it all the time.

While it might be a punch line on a sitcom, it’s probably not very funny to you. Why are you having trouble keeping it up? More to the point, what can you do about it?

Let’s talk about a taboo subject and hopefully provide you with a little guidance.

Why do guys get erectile dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction isn’t something that happens to old men who can’t get it up anymore.

It basically refers to you not being able to get it up when you want it to or not being able to get as hard as you’d like when you’d like.

This means if you ever couldn’t get it up, you had erectile dysfunction. I say this to demystify the term a bit and make it more acceptable.

Why do guys get it? There are tons of reasons.

You might be nervous. You might have had too much to drink. You might have spent the last nine months white-knuckle wanking your dick to extreme gonzo porn.

You might be tired. You might just not be that into her. There are a lot of reasons men suffer from erectile dysfunction.

If it’s a recurring thing and you can’t figure out why, talk to your doctor about possible medical solutions.


“The more you dwell on it,

the harder it’s going to get.”

What do I do about it?

It’s hard to say what you can do about it. If you get ED when you’re too drunk, try drinking less.

If you get ED because you’re nervous, you’re probably only going to have sex with people with whom you feel really comfortable. Believe me, there are way worse things than that.

Some guys find they have a hard time getting it up because they beat off too much. There are a few things to consider about this phenomenon.

First of all, a masturbation “fast” is generally not the best idea. You want to keep your penis in shape for when it needs to perform.

My recommendation? Get some kind of soft male masturbator and a decent type of lube.

This will put even pressure around the penis that’s more akin to oral sex or vaginal sex without the grinding grip dry wanking can produce.

In fact, a lot of men find it prudent to masturbate before a date. It helps to keep them calm and focused. Some men actually find they’re more in the mood for the real deal if they have a wank beforehand.

Your mileage may vary. A lot of erectile dysfunction has to do with personal preferences and tastes, personal biology and other things that vary from one man to another.

When to see a doctor.

You really only need to see a doc when you can never get an erection.

If you have trouble getting hard or hard enough when you’re with a partner but not when you’re on your own, you don’t have a medical problem. More than likely there’s something psychological going on.

Take an inventory, do a gut check and examine your habits and feelings to see what’s underneath your trouble getting it up.

Remember, it’s not permanent and the more you dwell on it, the harder it’s going to get. Pun intended.

Guys, have you ever had trouble keeping it up? How did it make you feel? Which scenario do you relate to the most?

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