How To Approach A Woman

Men's Dating

How to Approach a Woman

Julie Ferman
Julie Ferman Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

You’re thinking, “Man, she’s cute. Is she looking at me?” And she’s over there thinking, “I want to meet that guy. How can I? Should I walk up to him? I know I shouldn’t, but I hear it’s OK to signal him with a look and a smile. Why isn’t he coming over to me? He’s probably married. Maybe I’m not his type. He’s probably gay. Do I have spinach in my teeth?”

Really, we girls have that kind of silly internal dialogue rolling around in our minds when we’re hoping to connect with a guy we find appealing.

What we really need is your help.

Guys, if you sense the cute girl at the coffee shop or at the party is signaling you (consciously or not), and if you find yourself attracted to her and interested in her, this is your cue to be the guy and initiate.

Make a connection – she’s giving you the green light.

Even today’s modern-day female who will want and expect equality in the workplace, but when it comes to dating and relationships, she still wants to be the girl.

In fact, she needs to be the girl.

Today’s modern-day matchmakers and dating coaches and moms everywhere are instructing our daughters to NOT chase guys, but rather SIGNAL them with a smile or with eye contact so the guy can indeed be the guy and pursue her.


“Pounce on these opportunities to

initiate conversation and connection.”

Good girls don’t chase, shouldn’t chase, won’t chase you.

This philosophy and these signaling tactics work beautifully, but only if the guys step up to the plate to initiate.

Otherwise, nothing happens, and what’s missed is an opportunity for connection, for possibility, for relationship and for love to happen for both of you.

Get good at. Get better at. Say hello. Your love life depends on it, especially if you like the idea of being The Guy, The Leader in your future relationship.

If you want to be partnered with a feminine woman who will appreciate having a masculine guy in her life, you simply must practice the art of initiating and saying hello.

What to do? What to say?

Approach her directly and cross the crowded room to talk with her (we girls dream and fantasize about our prince doing just this, truly), and what you say is not nearly as important as you might think.

Make a comment, offer a compliment, ask a question – not in pickup-artist style, but in good-guy style, direct and confident.

Something as simple as, “Hi, I’m John. Nice to see you here.”

There are so many things you can say to her – “How’s your day going?” “What brings you here today?” “You are adorable. I have to say hi – I’m John, who are you?”

As girls, we don’t want to have to initiate, as it throws off the male/female balance.

Her eye contact and her smile are her cues to you, her green light, her invitation for you to initiate contact with her.

She needs for you to close the deal.

After you’ve had a chance to talk to each other, if you like her and would love to see her again, ask her if you can call her to invite her out for a drink or for coffee.

Give her your card or your phone number and ask for hers. Call her within 24 hours with a confident, strong invitation.

At any age, a girl wants to be with a guy she can respect, look up to and admire, the guy she can envision being her provider/protector.

Practice being that guy from the get-go, and pounce on these opportunities to initiate conversation and connection, especially when she’s giving you the green light.

How do you feel confident when approaching women?

Photo source: