I Want to Convince Her to Stay. How Do I Handle It?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the last three months with an amazing girl who I care a lot about (I’m away at school). Everything was going great until she brought down the hammer saying she wants to break it off. Her reason was she feels she isn’t ready or mature enough yet and that we rushed into this relationship. I respect how she is feeling but I don’t feel it’s fair to call it quits after our first rough patch/problem. I really want to convince her to stay with it.

Any ideas on how to handle it?

-Lukas (Wisconsin)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh Lukas, oh Lukas, oh Lukas. Of course you want her to change her mind. You’ve just spent three months being with (uh, actually, mostly thinking about) Miss Amazing. There seems no reason to stop this long-distance pining. Who knows where it could lead?

I mean, if you just focus your mind long enough on her lying in her distant dorm room, you can probably imagine any happy ending. But that’s the problem, Mr. Amazing. This is your movie, not hers.

In fact, in the brief term of this relationship, while you’ve been making her the star, I’ll bet she’s only made a few cameos in your life. And now you’re dealing with a diva with the nerve to think she can run your set. Psychological science says this relationship was mostly your fascination with your own projections (funny how it rhymes with projector).

How can you convince her to stay in your show? Sorry to let you down, Spielberg, but you can’t. Divas walk.

Next time, find a Miss-Mostly-Amazing who breaths near you and even passes real human gas in that air space. Then open your eyes and your heart. And turn off that projector.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.