I’m in Love with This Girl. How Can I Speed Up the Process?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I have been hanging out with this girl for about month and a half now. I literally met her the day after she left her recent ex-boyfriend. Since then, we have been hanging out with each other almost every day.

Every so often (mainly when she has been drinking), she will do something flirty, but other than that there is no physical intimacy with each other.

I lost my patience with her at one point and confronted her on our “status.” She told me once again that she is not ready for that because of the “getting over her ex” thing.

Should I wait and see what happens, or is there anything I can do to expedite this process? I am basically in love with this girl.

-Troy B. (Iowa)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Expedite this process??? You mean toward sex or a commitment? If you are hankering for physical intimacy more than love and commitment, I guarantee this will blow up in your face.

You’ll catch her on a weak night when she’s been drinking and her decision making skills are compromised. You two will have sex. She’ll feel bad about it. And you’ll lose her.

But if you’re hoping for a real, committed relationship that will lead to intimate sex, then ease up on on all that contact. You’re giving her a free relationship – your companionship, your availability, your love – and not getting anything back.

What’s more, she’s clearly telling you she’s not interested in a relationship right now. If I were you, I’d shine all that loving attention on a more available woman. Who knows? You might end up having to decide between two women.

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