Reader Question:
I have become friends with a younger woman at the restaurant where she works. Recently, she always seemed to really be glad to see me when I came in, hugging me and making sure she served me. I suggested a very low-key date late at night so we could talk without her getting interrupted by her work. Despite me being obviously nervous asking her, she said sure.
I text her and she returned it saying we could meet another night. I text her a couple days later and got no response. Two days later, I went to the restaurant and she did not smile and turned and walked off.
Maybe she said yes on the spot and has second thoughts. But it is like she is mad or put off by something, and I can’t think of anything I said or did that would be offensive. I can deal with not dating her, but I want her to be nice to me again.
-W.L. (North Carolina)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
She’s not mad at you. She’s mad at herself for not being a good communicator and for not being confident enough to tell you from the beginning that your friendship is just that and nothing more. So, now she’s embarrassed that she’s blown you off and is too ashamed to tell you the truth.
The funny thing about people like this is they avoid honest communication so they won’t hurt the other person’s feelings but they end up hurting people even more. And these people are bad bets as romantic partners because they can’t speak their mind. Obviously you like this restaurant and would like to have your old relationship back. I’d send her one more text that says, “I got the message. Let’s go back to smiles and boundaries. See you at work!”
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.
