Men's Dating

My #1 Dating Tip for Men

Samantha Karlin

When someone finds out I’m a dating coach, they immediately ask, “What advice do you have for me?”

It’s pretty impossible to give individual feedback without knowing someone, so I’ve had to think long and hard about what my number one tip is for guys, regardless of who they are or the issues they face.

Here it is:


Men make decisions. So take what you think is taking initiative and times it by 20. Step up to the plate.

There is nothing I hate more than a guy asking me out to dinner and then asking, “So where should we go?” I’m like, seriously??? Didn’t you ask me out to dinner?

If you can’t even pick somewhere for dinner, women see that as irritating and wishy-washy.

“Well, what if I’m just trying to be considerate?” You say.

Considerate is awesome. Asking her to pick a spot for dinner — or even drinks — is not considerate. It’s annoying.

We just see it as you not caring enough to take the time to find some place nice you want to take us to.

So instead of “Where should we go?” try these questions instead:

  • Is there a neighborhood that’s most convenient for you?
  • Is there some place you’ve been wanting to go?
  • Is there anything you’re in the mood for?


“Whether it’s in real life or online, get out

there and go take some initiative.”

Asking the girl to pick the spot is also awkward for us.

Firstly, she has no idea what you want to spend on her (and yes, you are treating her if you asked her out). She doesn’t want to suggest too nice of a place because it seems presumptuous, but she also doesn’t want to eat burgers at a dive bar.

And we want to be feminine with you — being feminine means letting you take charge. We get tired of being strong, independent-minded career women all the time. Take care of us.

“What if I don’t know any place?” You say.

Ummm, hello, have you heard of Google or Yelp or Zagats? If you can look up stats for work, you can look up a good restaurant.

There’s also a great app for New York City by Urban Daddy called “The Next Move.” The app lets you specify a myriad of details, and then it gives you choices based on your situation.

For example, it’s 9 p.m. on a Thursday in Chelsea. You’re with a date. You want dinner and you want to seduce her. Their suggestions are awesome.

In terms of online dating, we want you to take initiative also. Don’t wait for her to message you. Message her!

We love Acquaintable because women respond much more frequently to messages than on other sites. Since you’re only matched if you both click “like,” you’ve already passed the first test — your foot is in the door.

Bonus Points:

Pick her up at the doorstep of her apartment.

Whether it’s in a cab or by foot, this small attention to detail will blow her away, particularly since we’ve all pretty much cried ourselves into holes about the fact chivalry seems to be as dead as Tommy Darmody.

So whether it’s in real life or online, get out there and go take some initiative, you sexy manly man.

Guys, how do you take initiative in your dating life? Which one of these tips are you going to incorporate during your dates the most?

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About The Author

Samantha Karlin is the CEO of New York Dating Consultants and the Marketing Director at She is a critically acclaimed dating coach and image consultant, having worked with numerous clients on increasing their confidence and gaining perspective on their love lives. She specializes in working with "shy guys," transforming them to be able to win any girl they want. Some call her a female "Hitch." She also is a television host who works on dating related shows, including the web series "Love Coach," which chronicled one of her client's journeys through coaching. Ms. Karlin is a nationally syndicated dating columnist, having been published in Forbes, Fox Business and Yahoo News, among others. Her pedigree includes Yale University, Tufts University and the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy, where she specialized in psychology and gender relations. She also speaks across the country about love and relationships, having last appeared at Brown University speaking about the evolution of LGBT online dating at the annual IvyQ conference. Samantha also consults online dating startups on product development, marketing and user acquisition. Connect with her on Google+.