What’s Going on? Should I Make a Grand Romantic Gesture?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
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Reader Question:

I met a girl online about six weeks ago. We hit it off from the first date, and by the third we had slept together. We had two more dates, but I sensed a definite change in the vibe. She told me she wasn’t sure how she felt.

The next day, I told her I was really disappointed she didn’t feel the same way as we got along so well. She said she couldn’t think of any reason why we shouldn’t start a relationship but something was stopping her.

It’s been about a week now, and I’m desperate to call her to find out what’s going on. The obvious answer is that she isn’t into me and would be happy being friends, but I can’t help thinking about her saying there isn’t a single reason why we shouldn’t be in a relationship.

I’m thinking about making a grand romantic gesture to try and win her around. I’m worried it would come across as a bit weird or obsessive. I really like this girl, more so than any other I’ve met, and I sense that she likes me too but for some reason is holding back.

What do you think I should do?

-Cam H. (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You said it yourself. The obvious answer is that she isn’t into you. Whether that is because she’s seeing other people, she has attachment issues or because you and she just don’t have chemistry, is not the point. She clearly communicated to you that she does not want a romantic relationship. The real question is why are you attracted to that?

Remember that short-term relationships can still bring on a lot of separation anxiety when they end. This is normal. You are feeling a sense of loss. But what’s causing the most hurt is not the brief relationship. It is the relationship of the future you imagined. My advice: Know that you are a great catch for someone, just not her. Lick your wounds and move on.

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