What’s Going on? Should I Make a Grand Romantic Gesture?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I met a girl online about six weeks ago. We hit it off from the first date, and by the third we had slept together. We had two more dates, but I sensed a definite change in the vibe. She told me she wasn’t sure how she felt.

The next day, I told her I was really disappointed she didn’t feel the same way as we got along so well. She said she couldn’t think of any reason why we shouldn’t start a relationship but something was stopping her.

It’s been about a week now, and I’m desperate to call her to find out what’s going on. The obvious answer is that she isn’t into me and would be happy being friends, but I can’t help thinking about her saying there isn’t a single reason why we shouldn’t be in a relationship.

I’m thinking about making a grand romantic gesture to try and win her around. I’m worried it would come across as a bit weird or obsessive. I really like this girl, more so than any other I’ve met, and I sense that she likes me too but for some reason is holding back.

What do you think I should do?

-Cam H. (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You said it yourself. The obvious answer is that she isn’t into you. Whether that is because she’s seeing other people, she has attachment issues or because you and she just don’t have chemistry, is not the point. She clearly communicated to you that she does not want a romantic relationship. The real question is why are you attracted to that?

Remember that short-term relationships can still bring on a lot of separation anxiety when they end. This is normal. You are feeling a sense of loss. But what’s causing the most hurt is not the brief relationship. It is the relationship of the future you imagined. My advice: Know that you are a great catch for someone, just not her. Lick your wounds and move on.

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