The Jealousy Has Started. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’ve been seeing this girl off and on for three years. At first it was all good, but then the jealousy started.

She has kids that are not mine, but I love them as if they were mine. I even gave up my daughter for her and her kids.

She says she loves me more than I’ll ever know, but she asks me to leave and never come back.

I do leave for a month or two, but then she will say she missed me and loves me so much.

What can I do?

-Alonso (New Mexico)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Alonso,

I’m going to explain her psychology to you, and then I’m going to give you a stone-cold look at your choices here.

She appears to have classic abandonment issues. Now logic would tell you someone who fears abandonment would act very kind and tread carefully so their partner wouldn’t abandon them.

But the truth is people who are afraid of being left destroy their relationships to confirm what they believe – that all men will leave them.

She is doing classic textbook behavior – pushing you away with her jealousy and anger. And you are in a losing game to prove you won’t leave her.

Trust me, she’ll up the ante and increase her negative behavior until you prove her right.

Here are your choices:

  1. Enter therapy with her so her fear and damaging behavior can come to light.
  2. Stay until the end, which will certainly get worse.
  3. Get out now and use that loyal behavior with a much more important young lady – your daughter!!!

She needs you and I promise she won’t leave you.

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