6 Ways To Turn Shyness Into Charisma On The First Offline Date

Women's Dating

6 Ways to Turn Shyness Into Charisma on the First Offline Date

Dr. Diana Kirshner

Written by: Dr. Diana Kirshner

Dr. Diana Kirshner

Dr. Diana Kirschner starred in a one-woman PBS TV special on finding love and is the best-selling author of Love in 90 Days and Find Your Soul Mate in Six Simple Steps. Her free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice newsletter is available at www.lovein90days.com.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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After an amazing online romance, text jokes and a few three-hour soul-to-soul phone sessions, you’re getting ready to meet that special guy for a real first date.

You look in the mirror and nothing seems right. You notice the bulges around your thighs and the gap between your front teeth.

What are you going to talk about? Good grief! You feel like you’re all the way back in high school.

There is nothing quite as intimidating as going on a first date with someone who seems like just the right match, a hottie who fits you like a silk glove.

Here are six tips to help you overcome shyness and sparkle with charisma on that first date:

1. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make yourself beautiful and sexy IN YOUR OWN EYES (which are the eyes that really count).

Take your time to do this and make sure you dress down or up so you fit in and feel comfortable at the meeting place.

Emphasize the part of your face or body you enjoy. If it is your eyes, use extra eye makeup. If it is your feet, then put on some sexy strappy sandals.

Do not leave the house until you can look in the mirror and say, “All right!” This is the most important part of it.

2. Have topics in mind.

Have topics ready to discuss around movies/TV shows, books and news you both may find interesting (nothing political or heavy).

Make sure you talk about characters or plot lines you are really into. Your passion will make you POP with aliveness.


“If there was any connection at all, tell your

date you would like to continue the conversation.”

3. Don’t ramble on and on to fill in any silence.

Just look into his eyes and notice things about him from that vantage point. Silence is where flirting happens at a deeper level.

4. Give the person your full attention.

Notice very carefully what he’s wearing and other details about your surroundings. The cut of his shirt, the color of the molding on the walls, how the waiter is dressed, etc.

This will get your attention off yourself (attention that is stuck on yourself is the whole basis for shyness).

5. Avoid these topics.

Avoid discussing how your last round of dating sucked or how badly an old boyfriend treated you (the number one conversation killer).

Avoid topics like what you want in terms of marriage or kids. Don’t discuss debt or health problems.

Oh yeah, and don’t discuss sex.

6. Tell him you had fun.

At the end, if there was any connection at all, tell your date how much you enjoyed talking with him about “Homeland” or the Giants and that you would like to continue the conversation.

Using these simple tips will allow you to relax and be your charismatic self (you do have one!) so you have a fabulous time on a first, second or 15th date.

And that will make you irresistible to even the most attractive guys!

How do you get over shyness when on a date?

Photo source: welovedates.com.

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