Dr. Pat Allen: A Cognitive Behavior Therapist Who Has Spent 47 Years Teaching People How to Communicate With Love

Women's Dating

Dr. Pat Allen: A Cognitive Behavior Therapist Who Has Spent 47 Years Teaching People How to Communicate With Love

Amber Brooks Amber Brooks
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The Short Version:  Dr. Pat Allen has spent almost 50 years helping couples improve their relationships and coaching singles to date with integrity and honesty. She has written books, led seminars, organized workshops, and spoken on radio shows in an effort to teach people the psychological principles behind emotionally mature and mentally healthy lifestyles. Her expertise as a cognitive behavioral therapist helps her cut to the chase and provide honest, hard-hitting information about what it takes to make a relationship succeed. She doesn’t sugarcoat the truth because she approaches dating and marriage from a scientifically sound point of view. Her goal is to tell her audience what they need to hear to improve their behavior and change their mindset as they get in relationships and start their families.

At 83, Dr. Pat Allen is healthier than she was at 35. The cognitive behavioral therapist had to undergo a life-changing transformation to become a mentally and physically healthy individual. When she was 35, she weighed 235 pounds, her blood pressure was through the roof, and she suffered from low self-esteem. However, she recovered a sense of self-worth after years of studying under masters in communication, relationships, and psychology.

She told us she earned her license in marriage and family therapy because she wanted to help others learn how to do better and feel better. She didn’t want to merely observe and study people’s problems, she told us, she wanted to help them do something about them.

Photo of Dr. Pat Allen, relationship expert

Dr. Pat Allen is a well-educated expert on relationships and human psychology.

Today, Dr. Pat speaks in front of large audiences in weekly and monthly seminars. She has written several self-help books about the psychology of relationships, and she has been featured on radio shows across the country, including a podcast available for free on iTunes.

The relationship expert told us she is dating again as well. “I’ve been married four times, and now I’m a cougar,” she said. “I don’t want to bury any more nice men. I go first next time.”

Her wisdom, directness, and sense of humor help her build a rapport with readers, listeners, and audience members of all ages. She brings her personal and professional experiences to the topic of dating and relationships, making the case that anyone can have a happy, healthy relationship if they understand certain psychological principles. She instructs people how to develop healthy habits that lead to healthy relationships.

“I like who I am, and I like doing what I do because I like hearing people who sound like they’ve been to me because they’ve had good parents,” he said. “If you’re willing to be taught, I can help you. If you don’t want to be taught, I ignore you. I don’t fight with people.”

Getting to “I Do” — A Serious Dater’s Guidebook

While some dating coaches focus on short-term success, Dr. Pat has distinguished herself by pushing for long-term changes in how people connect with one another.

The purpose of “Getting to ‘I Do’” — Dr. Pat’s most popular self-help book — isn’t simply to help single women get married. The book guides singles to choose the right partners, understand the commitment they’re making, and seek balanced (not necessarily equal) relationships. Dr. Pat promises women that, if they follow her advice, they’ll have a ring on their finger within a year, and she equips them to maintain those relationships in the long run.

Cover of Getting to I Do by Dr. Pat Allen

“Getting to ‘I Do'” is an inspirational guidebook for commitment-oriented singles.

Dr. Pat draws from her psychological knowledge to tell singles what they’re doing wrong and how to get it right. She promotes authenticity and communication as the pillars of good relationships while outlining common mistakes, such as sleeping with a date too soon in the relationship, to point her readers in the right direction.

“This book has amazing insights into relationships,” said Todd Coburn in a Goodreads review. “Dr. Pat Allen explores the roles of the masculine and feminine in a relationship…She provides insight after insight, and case study after case study, showing how couples find peace and fulfillment.”

Dr. Pat’s most recent book “It’s a Man’s World and a Woman’s Universe” also deals with the psychological and societal differences between men and women more directly. “Men are in charge of buying, selling, and doing, while women are in charge of oxygen: how you feel, how you love, how you play,” Dr. Pat said. “It’s a man’s world of junk and a woman’s world of oxygen. Which would you rather have?”

While Dr. Pat acknowledges that gender roles are shifting, she underscores how women’s innate compassion can inspire healthy relationships and families. She encourages men and women to negotiate and cooperate with one another so both genders win. “That’s the new age we’re just starting,” she said. “The time of men being in control is done.”

Radio Shows & Podcasts Empower Listeners

In addition to her seminars, Dr. Pat gives out useful dating and relationship advice in her Thursday evening radio show. “Empowered Communication” airs every week at 5 p.m. PST. Dr. Pat offers herself as a live resource for anyone experiencing difficulties in the world of love. Listeners can call in at (323) 203-0185 to ask questions and receive a short consultation with a relationship expert.

Photo of Dr. Pat Allen podcasting

Dr. Pat Allen prides herself on being politically incorrect but scientifically accurate.

LATalkRadio.com hosts the weekly episodes of “Empowered Communication.” Anyone can tune in by going online and clicking the button for Channel 1 on Thursday night. Dr. Pat isn’t afraid to tell it like it is during her show, so people calling in better be prepared to hear the blunt truth.

“I work with people who are willing to learn to negotiate rationally rather than seduce emotionally,” she said. “My heart and my brain get to work together.”

Dr. Pat’s advice is also accessible on iTunes in a podcast released every Monday. Dr. Pat Allen’s podcast has 85 episodes dating back to 2015. It’s totally free to download and listen to these informational episodes.

“She is knowledgeable, insightful, and to the point,” she LindaYogaGirl in a five-star review. “I have binge-listened to every episode and cannot wait for more. Outstanding!”

“I absolutely adore and appreciate everything Dr. Pat does,” said Frustrated Shopper. “I love how all her work is solidly based in science.”

One Woman’s Advice Has Led to 2,000+ Happy Marriages

Throughout her long career, Dr. Pat has received countless thank-you notes from couples who said her tips saved their marriages or helped them find love. She told us she sometimes meets couples years after they worked together and has the privilege of seeing the progress they’ve made. Many couples tell her they still use the relationship tools she taught them years ago.

“I love Dr. Pat Allen and her work,” said Alexandra F. in a review. “She walks her talk. She speaks the truth about relationships.”

Michelle M. first started attending Dr. Pat’s monthly seminars 20 years ago, and she said that, while the relationship expert can be intimidating, you can’t help but learn from her. “Dr. Allen is unique and unorthodox and scary and brilliant and wise,” Michelle said. “I respect her a great deal.”

Throughout her career, Dr. Pat has inspired more than 2,000 married couples to work on their relationships and strengthen their commitment to one another.

“The only way to know you love yourself or anybody else is by the commitment you make.” — Dr. Pat Allen, therapist and relationship expert

Dr. Pat is also a wealth of knowledge about good parenting techniques. She has four daughters, five grandsons, two granddaughters, and three great-grandsons. So she’s seen pretty much every trick in the book. According to Pat, a parent’s job isn’t to tell children to be perfect or demand constant obedience — a parent’s job is to nurture the child to think for himself or herself and become the person he or she was meant to be.

“I deal with parents who are disablers and children who have been disabled, and I hope to help them build healthy relationships,” she said. “I don’t do what I do for the money — I do it because I love seeing people succeed.”

Dr. Pat Provides Valuable Relationship Tools

Dr. Pat Allen applies her psychological principles and communication skills to every aspect of life. Whether she’s speaking at a workshop, answering questions on a radio show, or writing about relationships, she uses her deep understanding of how people’s minds work to deliver a powerful message that resonates with her audience.

Her books, podcasts, seminars, and other resources have inspired thousands of people to put more effort into their relationships and develop greater self-awareness and self-esteem. Dr. Pat may be 83 years old, but, if you ask her, she’ll tell you she’s still in her prime and just as passionate as ever about influencing hearts and minds across the country.

“Each of us is born with our own personal ideas, thoughts, and feelings,” she said, “and the job of the therapist in my business is to find out if they’re scripted to be who they want to be or they’re scripted to be what others say they should be.”