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Dr. Wendy Walsh
If the words, “Did you get to second base?” have little to do with the major leagues and more to do with fond memories of high school dates, then you are old enough to know about sexual baseball.
Back then, sex unfolded over weeks or months as young partners explored sexual boundaries and their own trust in a potential lover.
For readers too young to remember, here’s how sexual baseball worked:
After a few dates of hand holding and hugs, a couple would finally advance to a first kiss. If it was well received, then the game was on.
The next date the couple might advance to first base — deep French kissing.
Within another date or two, the couple was growing in trust and intimacy and might advance to second base where a guy was allowed to touch a woman’s breasts, usually by clumsily groping under her sweater and negotiating with her under-wired bra.
Eventually, third base was reached and it involved genitalia. Both partners were allowed to fondle and touch and maybe even engage in oral sex.
A home run was reserved for couples who were in love and committed and it involved intercourse.
“Fast moving relationships are not afforded the
growth of trust and emotional intimacy.”
But in today’s culture of speed dating and junk food sex, so many lovers are denied the pleasure and excitement of slow sex.
Sexual baseball, while heightening sexual anticipation and excitement, also affords partners an opportunity to court, evaluate a partner’s long-term mate potential and even break off the relationship before they go too far with a risky partner.
And I highly recommend it today. If you do decide to indulge in this slow buildup of sexual heat, here are a few ways to do it in modern times and increase the chances your score will be a committed relationship.
You don’t want a modern partner who is accustomed to fast movers feeling frustrated and rejected. Assure your date you like him or her but prefer to take things slowly.
Never get to third base or a home run before AT LEAST 30 days of knowing each other.
Research shows couples who have sex within 30 days of meeting have almost a 90 percent chance of being broken up within one year. Waiting 60-90 days can give you a one in four chance you’ll be together a year later.
Make the final home run a positive turning point in your relationship.
In a study by Sandra Metts, Ph.D., couples who expressed love and commitment before sex found sex to increase relationship security, trust and romantic passion.
Those who didn’t express love and commitment before sex found the event to be a negative turning point that often involved regrets and apologies.
Modern sexual baseball is an extension of the Slow Love Movement. It is an answer to our highly sexualized culture and our dependence on technology.
Fast moving relationships are not afforded the growth of trust and emotional intimacy, the true glue that keeps binds strong.
Photo source: bp.blogspot.com