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Dr. Wendy Walsh
I know what the media tells us – sexual attractiveness is the most important dating quality. I will agree with that only in part.
Sexiness is the most important thing if you are looking for sex, but not necessarily if you are looking for a long-term relationship.
Studies from around the world show people of both genders rate kindness and intelligence over beauty when choosing a life partner.
Both men and women know the sizzle of sexual attractiveness eventually declines and smarts and kindness will win the game for long-term partnership success.
But how do you showcase your sexiest body part – your brain – on dates?
There are many, many types of intellect and they aren’t all related to IQ scores or education level.
There is artistic intelligence, athletic intelligence, street smarts, mechanical ability, writing talents, culinary talents and the list goes on. Humor, for instance, is a great sign of intelligence.
The most important thing is to know your strength and play to it. Design your first few dates around this talent.
I once dated an architect who took me to a design showcase and drew my dream house on the paper napkin over lunch. I went hiking with an outdoorsy man who took me to trails I could never have navigated alone.
One guy with mechanical ability stopped in after dinner not for coffee, but to rewire my sound system.
Everyone is smart in some way. Find dating activities which showcase that.
“Everyone is smart in some way.
Find activities which showcase that.”
While it’s important to have boundaries in the early stages of dating, and not be a total doormat, it’s also wise to show you are caring person.
Maybe set up a date around some volunteer assignment, or if you do the traditional dinner date in the city, show special respect for the wait staff, cab drivers and homeless people.
Remember, your date is taking mental notes. They want to know you will be there for them if they are ever vulnerable and in need of care.
Relationships are an exchange of care. Long-term love is a kind of interdependence where people take turns leaning on each other’s shoulders.
When men and women search for serious relationships, they unconsciously think about who is best suited for their long-term survival. Those survival areas may be social, financial or health related.
Want to show you are a long-term mate, not a sexy flash in the pan? Then strut your most attractive body part: your brain.
Photo source: endlessbeauty.com.