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The Short Version: Pernilla Lillarose believes that most people ignore their inner voices. But one of the problems with failing to stay true to ourselves is that we choose partners and situations that don’t meet what we really want. This issue is exacerbated among women, a group Pernilla suggests are pressured to minimize their own desires in service to their male partners. Pernilla mentors women who want to come into their own power and rediscover their inner voices. She helps clients accomplish those goals through coaching services, live events, books, and courses.
Pernilla Lillarose, a self-love mystic and mentor, wants women to know how powerful they are. But Pernilla often finds that women don’t believe in themselves.
She offers a familiar example: “A man is asking a woman out. He’s handsome. He’s popular. But inside, the woman has a feeling that something’s not right, but she overrides it. He may say things that sound good, but, in her gut, she knows something is off,” Pernilla said. “She goes out anyway. Later, she gets hurt, and regrets that she didn’t listen to that feeling.”
Helping women believe in the significance of their gut feeling is the core of Pernilla’s self-love message — and her website DivineFeminineFlow.com. Every person has an innate wisdom, but societal pressures and expectations often drown out his or her inner voice.
Pernilla is so passionate about her message because she experienced the pain of ignoring her gut feelings and the price that comes with it.
“In the 1980s, I got into a very challenging, scary situation with a man,” Pernilla said. “After a spiritual awakening that put me in a very open state of love, I was in a state of innocence and not very discerning, so I got into a situation that was devastating. It took me a while to get myself out of that. I really started learning about the self-doubt and self-judgment that made me get involved with him. The relationship left me with a scar.”
After she left the man, Pernilla had to deal with the trauma that she was left with because she hadn’t listened to her inner signs, which left her vulnerable to someone who took advantage of her.
“After this relationship ended, I finally started working on issues that I’d never dealt with,” Pernilla said. “I grew up in a family where I didn’t feel loved, so I had no confidence. In hindsight, that relationship was a great gift. Yet it was hard; it forced me to look within, and see what I was doing to myself.”
After the challenging work of rebuilding herself and her confidence, Pernilla’s inner voice has finally become her greatest ally. This, in turn, has become a strong passion for helping others pay attention to their own voices of wisdom and reason.
“I feel like I’m living my purpose now,” Pernilla said. “I feel passionate about helping women trust themselves. The world needs women to step up and into their own power of love.”
If your inner voice is internal, then how can anyone help you find it? Pernilla describes how she helps her clients:
“I want people to find their own wisdom. But when clients create stories around their private pains, I pay attention to what is deeper than those stories,” Pernilla said. “They might speak quickly, look away, or demonstrate sadness or anger as they speak. I look for the indicators they aren’t aware of. I will bring attention to those details, and, when I bring mindfulness to my clients, they start to understand themselves better. That is where the wisdom is. It is so much deeper than the stories we tell ourselves.”
Most people create narratives about their experiences and their lives, but these narratives are constructed in a way that doesn’t always reflect their honest feelings. Pernilla identifies ways for her clients to tap into their own authentic feelings about an issue, a person, or their past.
“For instance, if someone’s talking about an event, and there’s a lot of sadness, I say, ‘You really sound sad as you talk about that.’ That helps them be present with the sadness, and to pay attention to it,” Pernilla said. “Then they’re in touch with the deeper voice that maybe wanted them to leave that situation, speak up, or set some healthy boundaries, but was ignored. The body is already speaking to them, and I help them listen.”
Pernilla is a private self-love mentor and coach, hosting mostly virtual sessions for clients. She offers a free 30-minute discovery session, along with a copy of her book, “Divine Feminine Flow,” to introduce people to her transformational work. The goal of these free discovery sessions is to see if Pernilla and the interested client are a good match.
“In these sessions, we go deep into where they are now and where they would like to see themselves in the future,” Pernilla said. “We consider what is getting in the way of being that future person. The discovery session lets me see if I’m the right person to get them there.”
Too many people — especially women — feel like the only way to form a strong romantic partnership is through compromise. But Pernilla suggests that compromise can make each partner get less than what he or she bargained for — or nothing at all.
“We’ve compromised our love so often that we are willing to settle for crumbs,” Pernilla said.
Pernilla understands this focus on compromise all too well because of her own past experience to belittle herself and her needs.
“I was overriding my body with ‘shoulds,’ or ‘he probably knows betters,’” she recalls. “I was not honoring what I knew. Later, I realized that the signs were there; I just wasn’t listening.”
One of Pernilla’s coaching strategies is to offer clients ways to think more independently.
“When you are looking for a partner, be very clear on what experience you want,” Pernilla said. “Many times, we have hidden agendas that we hope for, but are not aware of.”
Pernilla has a suggestion for how to become more aware of that hidden agenda: “Write down the experiences you want and don’t compromise if your date isn’t interested in the same,” she said. “Either don’t go on a second date if you realize that this person is not capable of sharing that experience with you — or be upfront about it and find out if he or she wants the same.”
Because of her own history, Pernilla is particularly passionate about helping her clients become better self-advocates. But she knows that, because of social conditioning, many people have difficulty standing up for their needs.
“We all have so much unconscious conditioning that prevents us from listening to our own inner truth,” she said. “We’re not honoring what is true and right for us. We must transform that conditioning to get through to the essence. The essence is always there, but we have to turn our attention to that and start listening.”
Women, in particular, can struggle with believing in themselves and standing up for what they want. Pernilla is creating programs that help women live their truths.
“I’m helping women get raises and take charge,” Pernilla said. “I have recently created new programs, as well as developed talks in person and online. I have a number of programs already, but this is my next passion that is ready to burst.”
Ultimately, Pernilla thinks she can help her clients change the world at large by starting small: paying more attention to that often-ignored gut.
“The more women are in power, the more the world will change,” she said. “But as long as we stay small and hold our power in, we’re holding back our wisdom. I help women bring their true authenticity and authority into the world.”