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The Short Version: If you don’t truly understand who you are, it’s hard to know exactly what to look for in a partner. And that holds true for all relationships — whether personal or business. ThriveTypes is a system created by Laureli Shimayo that helps people understanding themselves and, in turn, find compatible partners. The program helps strip away the facades, leaving people with a picture of their core qualities: talents, communication style, motivations, and definitions of success. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and Laureli’s ThriveTypes assessment breaks down personalities using eye analysis and a deep understanding of what it takes to connect.
Just about every single woman I know has drawn up a list of characteristics they desire in a dream partner. Sometimes they are cliché traits like tall, dark, and handsome, but they also include wealth, availability, intimacy, and a sense of humor. None of them said, “I’m dreaming of a man who has the same talents, values, and purpose as I do,” or “I hope I find a guy with the same motivations, communication style, worldview, and decision-making methods.”
And yet, a partner with those traits would make them far happier than the attractive fantasy they dreamed up.
Laureli Shimayo, Founder of ThriveTypes, said most men and women search for partners who are opposites. According to Laureli, most people are subconsciously looking for mates who demonstrate the characteristics of their parents, which fulfill a need for love and acceptance that was missing from childhood.
In fact, Laureli said, if you look back on past relationships, the chances are that your exes have many similar characteristics as each other, similar characteristics as one or both of your parents, and different from you. Understanding what you have been looking for and who you are at your core can help you cut through those wrong choices to make the right one.
“It sets you up for failure. If we’re trying to impress, we’re disconnected from ourselves, and we aren’t really there on the date. What I do is help people see that they have these patterns,” Laureli said.
But it often takes more than just revealing the patterns to cause her clients to change their outlook; they must also understand the patterns and learn from them.
“It’s usually a journey for people to see and recognize others who are like them and start dating them. A lot of the self-judgments that we have get in the way. We think if we are not good, people like us aren’t good,” Laureli said. “I help point out these patterns so people can take a deeper dive into loving themselves and then easily recognize compatible partners.”
The first step to getting past the superficial layers of personality — or masks, as Laureli calls them — is to determine which three of the seven talents you possess. You may quickly identify which talents you have by reading about them — among server, artisan, warrior, scholar, king/queen, sage, and priest/priestess — or you may need guidance from Laureli, who offers readings online and in person. She helps people see through their masks.
The dating patterns of the different archetypes came from introspective and growth work that Laureli did after her marriage ended in 2002 and she re-entered the dating world. She dated men for a while; then she started dating women. She began to realize that every person she brought into her life had similar traits and patterns.
“I was seeing that I was dating a lot of the same kinds of people, and it was all based on the eyes, so I used this work to become more aware of that and change the type of person I was dating,” she said. “I started using tools to consciously shift the types people I was attracting and dating. My own story was that I was dating people like my dad for years. Then as I made changes I started asking out people like my mom. I paused for a few months until I could love myself more and find people who were like me.”
When Laureli started dating again, she found people who were increasingly like her in talents and also had a consciousness similar to hers. And, for the past two years, she has been in a joyful and deeply fulfilling relationship with someone she met through their eyes. She works mostly with women singles, and she has many male clients, too.
Once you pinpoint your natural talents, you can also explore your life pace, communication preference, decision-making pattern, motivation, consciousness or worldview, and how you protect yourself out in the world. Along with giving clients a sense of self-understanding, Laureli uses that information to make romantic matches.
“We don’t realize it, but, when we’re dating, we often feel nervous and scared. So we revert to when we were kids, and we try to be seen and loved. We put our masks back on and look for people like our parents to fill the void of the love we didn’t get when we were younger,” she said.
“When I make a match, I look for people who are similar in consciousness. Then I look for people with similar defenses. Because when challenges come up in relationships, and the defenses are different, it’s a big mess.” Laureli Shimayo, Founder of ThriveTypes
It is usually difficult to recognize and learn how to strip away your masks when dating — or realize when other people put theirs on, which is why many people turn to Laureli for help with the process.
“When I make a match, I look for people who are similar in consciousness. Then I look for people with similar defenses. Because when challenges come up in relationships, and the defenses are different, it’s a big mess,” she said. “And then I match talents.”
Along with matchmaking services and personal eye readings, Laureli offers clients help with updating their online dating profiles to attract the compatible people — and tips for how to scan others’ profiles.
“When I do a reading, clients get to know who they are and see the patterns with their parents and exes. They feel all that history and remember how it was so unsatisfying. This alone leads to healing and letting go much of their pattern,” Laureli said. “They have a new awareness to look for different people. I help them change their profiles and take down their masks to show an authentic version of themselves — and also share their consciousness.”
She also runs metaphysical fairs and events in four cities, including Seattle, where she is based. Her workshops — and sometimes even conscious speed dating events — are frequent happenings in Seattle and Portland.
Laureli provides plenty of resources on her coaching website, including an online dating guide that is available separately or as part of a two-hour class. In the course, she explains how to incorporate ThriveTypes into your dating profile.
She has also written a book on the seven talents, which is in the context of business and living an authentic life, rather than specifically on dating. And Laureli plans to expand on that with another book in the future to help people find their true self and attract the right partner.
“I’m a huge fan of relationships as a pathway for growth, and my passion is growth and authenticity,” Laureli said. “Why not have a great satisfying relationship as part of our journey here?”