We Had Sex on the First Date. Why Haven’t We Moved to the Next Step?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I needed a date for an occasion and my friend told me about this guy she knew. We went out for dinner and a movie for a first date. Something I partially regret to this day is we had sex that same night. We do everything couples do like hug, kiss and go out, but I’m still not his girlfriend and it’s been half a year.

I’m just confused on why we haven’t moved on to the next step yet? I do have feelings for him, and I know for sure he has feelings for me. Should I continue doing this?

-Elissa F. (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You are not alone. In this high-supply sexual economy, you are one of millions of women who have signed up for a low-criteria relationship, one that involves sex, affection, frequent contact — and no commitment.

It is up to you to be brave enough to ask for clear definition. Most men won’t do that unless a woman prompts them. Why should he buy the cow when he can text in a herd? But you’ve also got to be ready to back up your words with action and end the relationship if it doesn’t fit your relationship life plan.

Next time, delay the onset of the sexual relationship and build some good communication skills. And before you hit the hay, get some kind of commitment from him. Nearly 90 percent of relationships that have sex within the first 30 days are broken up within one year.

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